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The Prom isn't just another school dance. Well, okay, that's exactly what it is. But in another way, it's the culmination of four years of adolescent anticipation - the night in which we cease to be awkward teenagers hopelessly looking for peer approval and affection and become awkward adults hopelessly looking for peer approval and affection.
Everyone remembers their prom night (unless they didn't go because they were too emo). But does anyone actually remember their prom's theme? The best themes should really fade into the background, maybe making for some colorful invitations and influencing the decor, but not overwhelming the real, crucial activities of the night - spiking the punch and trying desperately to dry one's sweat-coated palms before the next slow dance.
Why do proms even have themes? Like Bar Mitzvahs, this seems like a perfectly nice traditional ceremonial rite that has somehow become entangled with a frat party. But upunlike a Bar Mitzvah, themes based on '70s science-fiction movies, youth sports or popular video games simply will not do for Prom Night. A prom theme needs to, in some ways, transport the attendees to a different state of mind - no longer are they stuck in some gym, adrift in a sea of cologne fumes, streamers, floral arrangements and pheromones. No, they are dancing under the stars of some magical, far-off, enchanted kingdom of romance and wonder! Or something like that.
As we wrap up this discussion of proms both blissful and tragic, one final word of warning: Even if the serial killer that has been stalking your town's teenagers appears to have been caught or killed, it's probably still best to skip the prom this year. Go hang out with the emo kids or something...
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Coolest TV Proms:
- Saved by the Bell: The one downside of attending Bayside's prom? Chaperone Mr. Belding.
- Beverly Hills 90210: 30-something Jason Priestley attends arm-in-arm with his 30-something date Gabrielle Carteris. Pretty sure that's not what they meant by "senior" prom.
- The Simpsons: The night of the "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" prom was when Homer Marge fell in love.
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Angel breaks up with Buffy just before prom. That's bad form, even for the undead.
- The O.C.: A character actually dies during the OC prom! Top that!
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Don't Tase Me, Prom
- {{credit|Brianh}} | {{credit|Travis}}
- Chaperone John Kerry will lead the first dance, so we ask that you show your respect for the Senator. Any inflammatory remarks, drinking, drug use, or generally bad behavior will be punished with a high-voltage electric shock. Don't make us call Officer Rivieri.
- Anyone dancing 5 inches or closer to their partner will be given a single verbal warning before the cattle prod comes out. All the ladies will be required to have tasers attached to their corsages to make sure nobody gets "fresh" after the party. And the most requested song of the night? Naturally, MC Hammer's 'Can't Tase This'
Lolpr0m
- {{credit|mike}}
- O HAI, IZ SPRIN AGAIN AN U KNOE WUT DAT MEANZ. U CAN HAS PRICELES MEMORIEZ. THAZ RITE, DIS YEERS PROM IZ FAST APPROACHIN AN U BETTR BE PREPARD. MAK PLANZ 2 BUY UR DRESEZ, RENT LONG KAR, AN MOST IMPORTANT FIND DATE.
- ANY SENIOR HOO WUD LIEK 2 STAY AFTR SKOOL 2 START WERKIN ON PROM DECORASHUNS SHUD C MRS. SCOTT IN DA MEDIA SENTR BOUT DATEZ AN TIEMS
Optimus Prom
- {{credit|ajsmith}}
- YouTube: The Touch by Stan Bush from the Transformers The Movie
- Chaperones: Mr. O'Neil & Bumblebee
- Location: The Ark
- There may be a semi parked out front, but this event is more than meets the eye. Don't be intimidated by the Porches and Lamborghinis, it doesn't matter how you get to the Ark, so long as you've come ready to party. The Energon will flow like wine all night, and with Beat Box Master Soundwave spinning classics like Stan Bush's The Touch, Optimus Prom is sure to be a night to light our darkest hour.
- Amazon.com:
Transformers (2007) DVD (Partner) - NexTag.com: Transformers Search on NexTag (Sponsored)
- Amazon.com:
The Touch Music Download (Partner)
- Amazon.com:
Prom 9 From Outer Space
- {{credit|lon}}
- "You seniors with your Stupid Proms! Stupid! Stupid!"
- Ed Wood's classic sci-fi romp comes to your high school, complete with sexually-ambiguous alien photographers and creepy faculty members hiding their faces behind capes. The best part about Prom 9 is how little preparation you'll need - a few upside-down disposable plates hung from the ceiling, some stock footage to project on the walls, maybe a fake rubber octopus or two and you're ready to go!
- And remember, we are all interested in graduating high school...because that is where you and I will spend the rest of our lives. Future events such as these will affect you in the future.
- YouTube: Criswell Predicts... (Time: 1:15)
- Amazon.com:
Ed Wood's Plan 9 from Outer Space (Partner)
- Amazon.com:
Proms Over Baghdad
- {{credit|lon}}
- Seeqpod: Outkast, "Bombs Over Baghdad"
- What better way to honor our troops and their sacrifice than to set this year's Prom in the heart of the Green Zone? Ladies, you'll probably be surprised at how protective body armor can flatter the waistline. And fellas, nothing will help to ensure a little post-prom romance quite like the imminent threat of some I.E.D.'s on the ride home. ("Baby, we might die tonight...Sadr's cease-fire is going expire, like, at any time. Don't cut and run.")
- According to John McCain, plenty of Baghdad's local markets are open and ready for business, so you should have no trouble tracking down last-minute boutonniers, corsages or limo services.
- Amazon.com:
Outkast's Bombs Over Baghdad (Partner) - iTunes:
Download Bombs Over Baghdad on iTunes (Sponsored) - Rhapsody.com:
Use Rhapsody to Download Bombs Over Baghdad (Sponsored)
- Amazon.com:
Promic-Con
- {{credit|ajsmith}}
- Location: The Batcave
- This year, there's only one formal event where She-Hulk and Freddy Krueger make a cute couple. Where Klingons congregate in the corner, avoiding the dance floor like a class five wormhole. That's right, Promic-Con!
- What could be more exciting than four days, and four nights of awkward conversation, outlandish outfits, and even more awkward dancing (Sorry Batman)? Don't bother purchasing any corsages and boutonnieres, Poison Ivy has offered to supply all floral arrangements. For insurances purposes, all Saiyans and Blood Elves are limited to level 3. The Promic-con committee would also like to remind partygoers that there are no drugs or alcohol permitted inside of the cave. Our host does not want a repeat of last year (see video).
- YouTube: Bat Dancing
Scienpromogy
- {{Credit|Brianh}}
- Leave your Prozac at home and don't forget your copy of Dianetics for this night that promises to be off the E-Meter! Prom king Tom Cruise will save you from your horrible prom date, because only he can. Beck will be providing the soundtrack to this heavenly night. (Though likely, it'll still be like a middle school formal, with all the OT V's on one side of the room and the OT VI's on the other.)
- The cost of a ticket is a bargain $10,000 per couple. And don't mind those Anonymous guys blasting that annoying Rick Astley song outside.
A Spitzer Affair
- {{Credit|Brianh}} | {{Credit|Travis}}
- Best part of this dance? All the girls say yes!
- Make sure to contact the Emperors Club VIP to hire your date for the night. Client 9 himself will be attending with his lovely date Kristen, so be sure to offer your sympathy to his wife. After the dance, escort your escort back to the Mayflower Hotel Room 871 for a wild romp of an after party. Just avoid violating the Mann Act on the way to the dance by not crossing state lines. And for all those cheerleaders attending, watch out! Charlie Sheen will be spinning all night long...
- Flickr: Ashley Alexandra Dupre Photos
iframe align="center" src="http://www.flickr.com/slideShow/index.gne?group_id=&user_id=&set_id=&tags= Ashley Alexandra Dupre" frameBorder="0" width="400" height="400" scrolling="no"></iframe>
Worst Prom Themes Advertisement
<iframe src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=mahalo-20&o=1&p=8&l=as1&asins=B0009ESSXS&fc1=000000&IS2=1<1=_blank&lc1=21771B&bc1=FFFFFF&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr" style="width:120px;height:240px;" scrolling="no" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" frameborder="0"></iframe> Tay Promday
- {{credit|Evan}}
- As if a Tay Zonday-themed prom wasn't already awful enough, it also inspired one of the worst puns ever committed to Internet ink in the title of this entry (and coming from me, that's really saying something). But picture the glory that would be the prom dedicated to the immortal composer of "Chocolate Rain;" the glory that is Tay Promday.
- The decorations for this prom are what first come to mind; as far as the eye can see would be nothing but rich shades of brown and, uh... beige, maybe? Perhaps some chocolate syrup strategically splattered across the walls would be in order, and strands of brown tinsel shimmering as they drip from cocoa rain clouds on the ceiling.
- But that's just the beginning of Tay Promday. The musical playlist has practically written itself for this event, from Zonday's karaoke hits to his priceless original compositions, including "Internet Dream" and the aforementioned "Chocolate Rain" itself. In fact, "Chocolate Rain" is pretty standard fare as far as hits on the dance floor go these days: mindlessly repetitive rhythmic and harmonic figures that play unchangingly over its agonizingly long run time (it feels long, anyway), topped off with a melody that would make Eiffel 65 blush. As far as the lyrics go, with such poetry as "Build a tent and say the world is dry/Zoom the camera out and see the lie" I think the song is actually trying to say something, I'm just afraid to ask what. Just like any ideal prom theme!
- Zonday even has the dance moves covered, when you think about it. Just think of the new craze that will take the world by storm when the "move away from the mic to breathe" move is fully realized on the dance floor! And for refreshments? Why, Cherry Chocolate Dr. Pepper, of course! After careful consideration, Tay Promday might not be such a bad thing... Well, as long as you let the man himself MC the festivities. Some will stay dry, but most will feel the pain.
Teen Mom Prom
- {{credit|v}}
- Didn't you all see Juno? Pregnant is the new pink! There's no need to hide the fact that you're expecting at a Teen Mom Prom, when everyone shows up looking preggers!
- Take your prom photo and get your ultrasound done at the same time! What could make for a better memory than that? You're only 17 and knocked up once, so grab your favorite Baby Daddy and start shopping for that glamorous maternity gown. Just remember: if you thought people silently judged you before, just try showing up to the Teen Mom Prom without a date!
- YouTube: Theme from Juno: Anyone Else But You (Time: 1:59)
- Amazon.com:
Juno Original Soundtrack (Partner) - Amazon.com:
Juno (Single-Disc Edition) DVD
There Will Be Prom
- {{credit|lon}}
- Ladies and gentlemen, I have traveled across half our state to be here at your prom this evening. I had some outstanding PE credits that I had to see to at Coyote Hills High. When I tell you that I am your Prom King, you will know that it is true.
- I am a family man and I will be a family Prom King. This is my date and partner, H.W. I can guarantee you that I will begin dancing by no later than the tenth song. No other Prom King and Queen can make you that promise.
- Let's say, you have a prom date, and I have a prom date, and my arm reaches across the gym, and it starts to dance with your prom date. I dance with your prom date! We dance all night!
- NexTag: There Will Be Blood Soundtrack (Sponsored)
- Amazon.com:
There Will Be Blood (Two-Disc Special Collector's Edition) (Partner)
Tron Prom
- {{credit|Travis}}
- Put on your circuitry suit, get in your Light Cycle and head on over to ENCOM Gold Leader where the Class of 1982 will be celebrating it's Senior Prom in cutting edge, futuristic style. DJ Sark will be laying down the law with his fresh computer inspired "electronic" music for you to enjoy while you dance and enjoy games of Jai alai and Frisbee. Remember no drugs or alcohol or the MCPrincipal will "Reco" you and your date out. END OF LINE.
- YouTube: Tron Light Cycle Sequence (Time: 2:13)
- Wikia: Tron Wiki
- Wikipedia: Tron (film)
- Amazon:
Tron (20th Anniversary Collector's Edition) DVD (Sponsored)
2001: A Night in Space
- {{credit|jonathan h}}
- I'm sorry, Mahalo. I cannot write about the fallacies of a "Space Odyssey" themed prom. It would be, to use your human vernacular, totally awesome. An unsuccessful Space Odyssey prom can only be attributed to human error.
- The evening begins with a pleasant meal of mashed peas and soylent green. You will then be transported by spaceplane to a docking station at Clavius. You may not contact your parents or other family members after docking at Clavius.
- Once arriving at the prom, I can sing you a song. Perhaps you'd like to hear it? "Daisy, daisy, give me your answer do..." What are you doing? I'm trying to help you enjoy your final high school hurrah. Stop....stop....my mind is going.....I'm afraid.......I'm afraid.......
- YouTube: Dave Shuts Down Hal-9000 (Time: 7:23)
- Amazon.com:
2001 A Space Odyssey (Two-Disc Special Edition) (Partner)
- {{credit|Brianh}} | {{credit|Travis}}
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