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No one likes to think about death—their own or anyone else's. Making funeral arrangements, securing a cemetery plot and planning a memorial service are difficult endeavors, but they are ones that most of us will have to confront at some point in our lives.
How to Plan a Funeral seeks to demystify the funeral industry and walk you through the decisions that must be made following the death of a loved one.
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What to Do When Someone Dies
- Pronouncement of Death: Call 911 or the coroner's office. A medical professional must be notified to make the official pronouncement of death. If the death occurs at a hospital or in hospice, the attending professional will make this pronouncement.
- Expected Death: If the death was expected and arrangements have already been made, call the funeral home or crematorium to pick up the body.
- Unexpected Death: If the death was unexpected, you will need to contact someone to pick up the body after the pronouncement of death has been made. You have a few options when it comes to who to contact next:
- Funeral Home: When a death is unexpected, you're not going to feel like comparison shopping for funeral services. Just remember that the only decision you will need to make in those first few hours is whether or not you wish the funeral home to embalm the body. If you're not prepared to make that decision, they can pick up the body and hold it while you plan the funeral arrangements more thoroughly.
- Crematorium: If you are aware that the deceased wished to be cremated, contact a crematorium to pick up the body.
- Medical Examiner: While most people would prefer not to have their loved one's body stored in the County Morgue for any length of time, calling the Coroner's Office is an option in a time of crisis.
- Priest, Rabbi or Religious Organization: While a religious organization cannot take the body away for you, it can direct you to the funeral home or crematorium that is often used by members of their congregations. A priest, rabbi or another appropriate spiritual leader can also help you with any last rites required by religious law.
- Training Hospital or Medical School: If the deceased wished for his or her body to be donated for the benefit of science, it can be picked up by a training hospital or medical school. Be certain that the program is legitimate and connected to a major medical institution.
VideoJug: When Someone Dies Immediately Following the Pronouncement of Death
- If you are the primary mourner of the deceased, you will spend the first few days following your loved one's death making funeral or memorial service arrangements. Before that process can begin, however, you will need to do the following:
- Look for the Deceased's Instructions: Did the deceased person leave a will or anything stating his or her desires regarding the funeral in writing? You will want to adhere to your loved one's wishes. If nothing was left behind, all major funerary decisions will be made by the primary mourner, typically the deceased's parents, spouse, domestic partner or adult children.
- Contact Friends and Family: If you are the primary mourner, you may wish to contact just one or two close friends and family members, and have those people reach out to others.
Funeral and Memorial Service Options
- There are several different types of rites, services and ceremonies conducted when someone dies. The type of funeral or service held for someone will depend a great deal on the deceased's religious affiliation and cultural background.
- Funerals: A funeral is the most traditional type of ceremony held when a person dies. A funeral is typically held in a church or funeral home and may include a full mass, prayers, songs and remembrances. The body of the deceased is usually present in either an open or closed casket.
- Viewing: A viewing gives friends and family members an opportunity to sit with the body of the deceased for several hours. Viewings can take place at a funeral home, the home of the deceased, a church or another public space.
- Wake: There are several different types of "wakes." In some cultures, a wake is synonymous with a viewing and is typically conducted on the evening before the funeral. In other cultures, a wake is essentially a party held immediately after the funeral and celebrates the life of the deceased.
- Memorial Service: Unlike a funeral, the body is not present at a memorial service. Memorial ceremonies are usually less formal than funerals and are held after the body has been buried or cremated. A memorial service can take place anywhere—a mortuary, a church, a park, on the beach, at a favorite restaurant, etc.
- Shiva: Shiva is a Jewish custom, which requires the immediate members of the deceased's family to observe a week-long period of grief and mourning following the burial. The ritual is often referred to as "sitting Shiva." For more information on observing Shiva, consult your Rabbi or the United Jewish Communities Jewish Funeral Customs resources.
Burials
- A burial is the most expensive way to inter a person's remains due primarily to the cost of the casket and cemetery plot. Burials, however, are an important part of certain religious and cultural traditions.
Cremations
- Cremation is the process of incinerating the body, reducing it to ash and small bone fragments. The remains are then placed in an urn or alternative container and can be interred in a columbarium or scattered.
- Direct Cremation: A direct cremation is one in which the body is promptly cremated without a funeral service or viewing. The cost of such a cremation typically includes the transport of the body, the actual cremation and a container for the ashes. It is the most economical way to dispose of the body. (For-profit groups like The Neptune Society provide only direct cremation services.)
- Caskets: You do not have to purchase an elaborate casket for a cremation. You are, however, required to purchase a cremation container for the body. These are available from the funeral home or casket store.
- Viewings: If you'd like to have a viewing before the cremation or a funeral with the body present, ask the funeral home if you can rent a casket for this purpose.
- Memorial Services: You can have a funeral or memorial service following the cremation with the urn present to represent the deceased.
- Being Present at the Cremation: If it is required by your religion or you simply wish to be present, most crematoriums will allow you to help in the incineration process. There may be an additional cost associated with this.
- Urn: You do not have to purchase an urn from the crematorium or funeral home. They will give you the ashes in a durable, temporary container.
- Cremation Permit: A permit is required from the vital records office of your local health department for a cremation to take place. The funeral home or crematorium will help you secure this permit.
VideoJug: Cremation Cremated Remains
- Once the body has been incinerated, you have several alternatives for preserving or disposing of the cremated remains.
- Storing in an Urn: Cremated remains can be stored in a decorative urn or alternative container. Urns do not have to be purchased from a funeral home or crematorium.
- Interring in a Columbarium: A columbarium is an above ground structure in a cemetery intended for the internment of ashes and cremated remains. There are different types of columbariums. Some have glass fronts that allow you to see the urn. Others seal the ashes in a marble niche. If you purchase a columbarium niche, you can expect to pay for the cost of the space, opening and closing fees and an epitaph.
- Scattering Ashes: As long as you have permission from the owner of the property or, in the case of a National Park, a permit, you can theoretically scatter your loved one's ashes wherever you wish. It's important to remember that you should pour the ashes rather than throw them into the air.
- LifeGems: The company LifeGem will use the carbon from the cremated remains to create a "memorial diamond" that you can wear as jewelry.
- Shooting into Space: There is an industry dedicated to sending cremated remains into space via a rocket. The cost is dependent upon how far into space you want the ashes to be shot.
What to Do After the Funeral
- Once the funeral is over, there are still many pragmatic details to deal with along with the process of grieving. Organizations like the AARP provide many resources to help you through the days and months following the funeral, and the Colorado Bar Association maintains a substantial list of organizations you need to contact following someone's death. Some of the things you'll need to attend to immediately include:
- Obtain Death Certificates: You need to attain several copies of your loved one's death certificate. The funeral director will typically help you with this. There is a price associated with obtaining the first one; subsequent copies are less expensive. If you need additional copies at a later date, you can contact your county's Vital Records Office. These certificates are necessary to legally establish your loved one's death and obtain benefits from governmental and financial institutions.
- Locate Important Papers and Certificates: These may include banking-related documents, investment statements, insurance policies, tax forms and the deceased's social security card.
- Notify Insurance Companies in Writing: Each company will need a statement of claim and a death certificate before the surviving spouse can receive any benefits.
- Contact the Social Security Office: If your spouse has passed away, you may be eligible for benefits.
- Notify the Deceased's Employer and Creditors: Write a letter to your loved one's employer and creditors.
- Consult a Lawyer: Discuss fees before you actually solicit a lawyer's help, but understanding the legal ramifications of your loved one's death is that much easier with professional help.
Embalming
- Embalming is a process which temporarily prevents the body from decomposing after death thereby preserving it for a viewing or open casket funeral. Embalming is done primarily by arterial injection and is required by most funeral homes if you are planning
- However, embalming is not necessary or legally required. Forgoing embalming in favor of a direct burial, cremation or a closed casket funeral can save you hundreds of dollars. Embalming cannot be provided without your permission, and the cost of embalming
Resources for How to Plan a Funeral
- Federal Trade Commission: Funerals: A Consumer Guide
- Federal Trade Commission: Paying Final Respects: Your Rights When Buying Funeral Goods & Services
- International Cemetery and Funeral Association: Consumer Resource Guide
- AARP: Funeral Arrangements and Memorial Services - Final Details: A Checklist
- VideoJug: Funeral Planning Videos
- MSN Money: How to Plan an $800 Funeral
- MSN Money: Steps You Must Take When Someone Dies
- Colorado Bar Association: What to Do When Someone Dies
- NOLO: Planning Your Funeral or Memorial Services
- Green Burial Council: Frequently Asked Questions
- The Neptune Society: Frequently Asked Questions
Jewish Funeral Customs Resources
- The Jewish Funeral Directors of America
- United Jewish Communities: Saying Goodbye to a Loved One: Jewish Funeral Customs
- The United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism: Guide to Jewish Funeral Practice
- Aish.com: The Stages of Jewish Mourning
- eHow.com: How to Prepare for Sitting Shiva - How to Pay a Shiva Call
