How to Get Revenge

If you want to know how to get revenge or understand why you want to seek revenge, then this page can help you. It covers why we feel the need to seek revenge, true and fictional tales of revenge and gives some suggestions on how to get (or get over your desire for) revenge.
Getting Revenge Tips
1. Revenge (or the idea of it) works as a deterrent for bad behavior.
2. Acting on revenge stimulates the pleasure areas of our brain.
3. Many acts of revenge end up costing the avenger more than the victim.
4. One should never do anything illegal in order to seek revenge.
5. Living a good life is the best revenge.

Categories

Love & Relationships | How Tos

If you want to know how to get revenge or understand why you want to seek revenge, then this page can help you. It covers why we feel the need to seek revenge, true and fictional tales of revenge and gives some suggestions on how to get (or get over your desire for) revenge.
Introduction
- Revenge is defined as any action taken in return for an injury or offense.WordNet Search Revenge Everyone, at one time or another, has thought of seeking out revenge against someone. However, how to get revenge against someone else without doing damage to yourself at the same time can be a tricky process.
Different Views on Revenge
- Revenge is a concept that has been around a long time. As a result, various theories on it have developed. Some are based in science, others in philosophy and still others in religion. Like any feeling, sometimes understanding the reasons behind it can help one overcome it.
The Psychology of Revenge
- We have all, at one time or another, desired to seek revenge. Scientific research shows that humans are genetically wired for revenge and it brings pleasure to do so.theage.com.au: Just Desserts Revenge serves to meet a variety of psychological needs:
1. Revenge can be a way of showing people what our personal boundaries are and prevent them from overstepping them. As such, revenge serves to increase our self-esteem and confidence.theage.com.au: Just Desserts
2. According to Dr. Joan Harvey, people seek revenge because "they feel wronged and want to restore the balance." However, she warns that "when you think of the revenge years later, it will also remind you of how you were hurt."Northern Echo: Why Husband's Sweet Taste of Revenge Will Turn Sour (April 25, 2003)
3. Dr Eleanor Wertheim believes that "Pure revenge is about punishment and it offers only short-term gratification." She also says that, "We have the ability to override most impulses because the ability to do so is also linked to self-protection as tightly as the desire for revenge is."theage.com.au: Just Desserts
4. Other scientists explain that when we are insulted, the prefrontal cortex of a brain is stimulated. This is the same area that is active when we are hungry or craving something. The idea of personal vengeance feeds that hunger.New York Times: Payback Time: Why Revenge Tastes So Sweet
The Morality of Revenge
- The morality of revenge is a subject that has been debated by philosophers for years. Most who argue that revenge is immoral will strengthen their arguement by stating the golden rule: Treat others as you want to be treated.Religious Tolerance.org: Versions of the Golden Rule in 21 World Religions While you might believe that this is a Christian teaching, and it is, it shows up in at least 21 different religions including Islam, Judaism, Paganism, Scientology, Taoism, Wicca and Hinduism.Religious Tolerance.org: Versions of the Golden Rule in 21 World Religions
Revenge is Sweet
- The idea that "revenge is sweet" is a proverb has been part of our society for so long that the origins of it has been lost. However, several people have adapted the quote to their purposes:
  1. In Paradise Lost, John Milton wrote "Revenge, at first though sweet, / Bitter ere long back on itself recoils."
  2. Emile M. Cioran said, "Revenge is not always sweet, once it is consummated we feel inferior to our victim."
  3. Mason Cooley said, "Revenge is sweet but not nourishing.".
  4. Alfred Hitchcock had a similar feeling when he said, "Revenge is sweet and not fattening."
- But no matter what people say, science shows that revenge is pleasurable. According to a Swiss study, acts of revenge stimulate an area of our brain that is involved with enjoyment or satisfaction. However, we use another area of our brain (the prefrontal cortex) to weigh the costs of seeking revenge to the satisfaction we might receive. It is this area that keeps most of us from becoming self-destructive.National Geographic: Brain Study Shows Why Revenge Is Sweet
Religious "Revenge?": An Eye for an Eye
- The idea of "an eye for an eye" is also called the law of retribution, the law of equivalency or "lex talionis".Biblical Research Institute: An Eye for an Eye It is a concept that has a basis in at least three religions: Judaism, Islam and Christianity. The idea is mentioned at least three times in the Old Testament of the Bible and the Torah
  1. Exodus 21: 23-23 "And if any mischief follow, then thou shalt give life for life, Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot..."BibleGateway.com: Passage Lookup: Exodus 21
  2. Leviticus 24 19-20 "And if a man cause a blemish in his neighbour; as he hath done, so shall it be done to him; Breach for breach, eye for eye, tooth for tooth: as he hath caused a blemish in a man, so shall it be done to him again."BibleGateway.com: Passage Lookup: Leviticus 24
  3. Deuteronomy 19:21 "And thine eye shall not pity; but life shall go for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot."BibleGateway.com: Passage Lookup: Deuteronomy 19
- It also appears in Qur'an (5:45): "We ordained therein for them: "Life for life, eye for eye, nose or nose, ear for ear, tooth for tooth, and wounds equal for equal." But if any one remits the retaliation by way of charity, it is an act of atonement for himself. And if any fail to judge by (the light of) what Allah hath revealed, they are (No better than) wrong-doers."Compendium of Muslim Texts: Al-maeda
- Often these passages are used to justify any act of revenge that does to a person what they did for you. However, these passages are not a justification of revenge or even an explanation of what actions a person can take when they have been wronged. Instead it is meant to help define what type of restitution or punishment the law should prescribe. In other words, to ensure that the punishment fits the crime.Biblical Research Institute: An Eye for an Eye
- In the New Testament of the Bible, Jesus Christ redefines the idea of an eye for an eye and instead urges people to turn the other cheek:
  - Matthew 5: 38-39 "Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also."BibleGateway.com: Passage Lookup: Matthew 5
- This idea has been reinforced by two of the greatest activists of the 20th century:
  1. Mahatma Gandhi said, "An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind."
  2. Martin Luther King Jr. said "Violence as a way of achieving racial justice is both impractical and immoral. It is impractical because it is a descending spiral ending in destruction for all. The old law of an eye for an eye leaves everyone blind. It is immoral because it seeks to humiliate the opponent rather than win his understanding; it seeks to annihilate rather than convert."Business & Controversy of Technology by Arnab Tagore: A Quote From Martin Luther King
True Stories of Revenge
- Sometimes, people get an urge that they cannot ignore. Seeing what other people have done in the past is not so much about getting ideas, but rather learning from their follies.
Revenge in the News
- Acts of revenge are often newsworthy. While we may cheer the avenger, it is important to note that many of them faced fines and jail time because of their actions. Some examples include:
1. Parking Revenge: Anyone who has ever discovered someone parked in their spot has probably plotted revenge. At least two people decided to get revenge on the person by blocking them in with different results. A former police officer was threatened with arrest if he didn't move his car when he attempted this move.This is Croydontoday.co.uk: Former Cop Threatened with Arrest for Getting Revenge on Inconsiderate Driver (October 4, 2008) However, when a judge did the same thing, the parking spot stealer was forced to wait all day before being able to retrieve her car.TampaBay.com: Judge Sentences Car in His Spot to Lockdown (September 12, 2006)
2. Destructive Revenge: When Tracey Bridgwood decided to sell their $175,000 yacht for a mere $70,000 during her divorce, her soon-to-be-ex-husband Mark got his own revenge by sinking it.The Independent: Revenge: A Dish Best Eaten, Hot or Cold (September 29, 2005) Nicholas Bartha, a doctor in New York, had a similar idea when he decided to blow up his townhouse rather than give it to his ex-wife. Sadly, he died from injuries received from the blast.CNN.com: When he's a Cheat, Revenge Seems Sweet
3. Stuck Together: Gail O'Toole, from Pennsylvania, super-glued intimate parts of her lover's body together and dumped nail polish on him after a bad break up.WTAE Pittsburgh: Civil Suit Goes To Court: a Scorned Lover, Glue and a Naked Man
4. The Last Word on Revenge: A woman canceled her husband's funeral at the last minute because she decided she didn't want anything nice said about him.New York Times: Payback Time: Why Revenge Tastes So Sweet
5. But He Started It!: A mother in Great Britain bit her son because he hurt his younger sister.NEWS.com.au: British Court Jails Mum for Biting Son (September 24, 2008)
6. She's "the Bomb": A 23-year-old man, upset that his ex-girlfriend had not called him back, left several bomb threats at her place of employment.HeraldNet: Police Say Bomb Threat Left in Revenge over Ex-girlfriend
7. The Revenge is in the Coffee: On at least two occasions, co-workers have been caught (through the use of hidden video cameras) urinating into the office's coffee pot as an act of revenge.Snopes.com: Urine in Coffee Pot
8. Explicit Revenge: Two men chose to get their revenge by making public explicit photos of their ex. John Mains sent explicit photos of his wife to a pornographic magazine.Northern Echo: Why Husband's Sweet Taste of Revenge Will Turn Sour (April 25, 2003) Mike Phelan made his attack more personal and sent 600 sexually explicit letters about his ex to her family and neighbors.Northern Echo: Why Husband's Sweet Taste of Revenge Will Turn Sour (April 25, 2003)
9. Some People Never Learn: Jason Puffett was sentenced to jail for breaking a window at a McDonald's, reportedly as an act of revenge for having been called "homeless scum" by the manager. Upon his release, the man bought three knives and returned to the restaurant. Since the manager was not on duty, the man left. He returned two more times. The third time, staff noticed that he was holding a knife and called the police. After his arrest, the man admitted that he had planned to stab the manager in retaliation for having gone to jail.The Comet: Jail for Homeless Man who Plotted Revenge
10. Tragic Revenge: Frank Silva Roque shot and killed a man in an act of revenge for 9/11.BBC NEWS: 9/11 Revenge Killer Convicted (October 1, 2003) The man killed was an Indian immigrant and a father of three. Roque also shot at a Lebanese cashier and at the home of an Afghan family.The Guardian: September 11 Revenge Killer to Die for Shooting Sikh
11. Voodoo Revenge: When a client of George Ann Mills, a voodoo practitioner, bounced $3,000 in checks, Mills plotted her revenge. Not by placing a curse, but by taking the client to court.ajc.com: Kesting denies Visiting Voodoo Priestess (October 06, 2008)
Love Gone Wrong
- A love affair gone wrong is often the motivation for acts of revenge. Revenge is sought in a variety of ways including:
  1. Liquor has been poured down the drain and given away to neighbors.The Independent: Revenge: A Dish Best Eaten, Hot or Cold (September 29, 2005)
  2. Obscenities have been written on the walls and mirrors.The Independent: Revenge: A Dish Best Eaten, Hot or Cold (September 29, 2005)
  3. Clothing has been ripped up, had the pockets removed and thrown into pools or ditches.Northern Echo: Why Husband's Sweet Taste of Revenge Will Turn Sour (April 25, 2003) CNN.com: When he's a Cheat, Revenge Seems Sweet The Independent: Revenge: A Dish Best Eaten, Hot or Cold (September 29, 2005)
  4. Other acts include smashing a TV, VCR and dishes; pouring poison on a rose garden; ripping pages out of an antique bible and creating a debris pile of possessions.Northern Echo: Why Husband's Sweet Taste of Revenge Will Turn Sour (April 25, 2003) The Independent: Revenge: A Dish Best Eaten, Hot or Cold (September 29, 2005)
- However, cars are a favorite target. Some examples include:
  1. Brenna Cepelak caused $20,000 worth of damage to her husband's Porsche when she hit it with a golf club.Northern Echo: Why Husband's Sweet Taste of Revenge Will Turn Sour (April 25, 2003)
  2. A woman in Reno, Nevada, had her boyfriend's phone forwarded to a gay-sex hotline and super-glued the switch of his radiator after turning it all the way up.CNN.com: When he's a Cheat, Revenge Seems Sweet
  3. Lady Sarah Moon poured white paint over her husband's BMW while it was parked in his mistresses driveway.The Independent: Revenge: A Dish Best Eaten, Hot or Cold (September 29, 2005)
  4. BBC producer Mike Flynn went on a similar rampage when he decided to use white paint and a tin of creosote to destroy a Mercedes and a Lotus belonging to his ex-wife's new boyfriend. Flynn then called a tabloid to brag about his actions.The Independent: Revenge: A Dish Best Eaten, Hot or Cold (September 29, 2005)
Revenge in the 21st Century
- While the Constitution does grant everyone the right to free speech, the courts also give everyone the right to sue said speakers for defamation of character and libel.
  1. Defamation is an injury to the reputation or character of someone resulting from the false statements or actions of another.FACE Intel: Defamation
  2. Libel is any written statement that exposes or subjects you to hatred, contempt, ridicule, or disgrace, or causes you to be shunned or avoided, or injures you in your occupation.FACE Intel: Defamation
- Furthermore, in 2006, President Bush signed a law that prohibits anyone from posting "annoying" messages or sending emails without disclosing their true identity. Exactly what is defined as "annoying" is a little vague but courts have ruled in the past that it refers to "obscene material."CNET News: Create an E-Annoyance, Go to Jail
- Therefore, you may want to think before you decide to use email or the Internet to take your revenge like these people did:
1. Pilar Stofega created fake profiles of her ex-boyfriend's wife on several adult websites eight years after the two had broken up. Stofega was discovered and charged with second-degree harassment and breach of peace.MSNBC.com: Woman Charged in 'Internet Revenge' Case (October 26, 2007)
2. Tommi Cosgrove, upset over an alleged affair between his wife and another man, decided to strike back by posting comments that are supposed to give details about the affair on sites run run by New York magazine and the Observer.Gawker: Scandal: Cuckold's Internet Revenge Against Top Banker
3. Paul Clarke created a website that showed intimate videos of himself and an unfaithful ex-girlfriend.The Independent: Revenge.com: How the Internet Fuels Battle of the Exes The act ended up landing Clarke in jail for harassment.Times Online: Spurned Lovers Who Resort to Spite.com Revenge (October 26, 2004)
4. When Phil McGraw (aka Dr. Phil) denied that his first marriage ended due to an infidelity, his first wife, Debbie, decided to get her own revenge by creating her own website that gave her version of the story.The Independent: Revenge: A Dish Best Eaten, Hot or Cold (September 29, 2005) The website has since been taken down.
Selling Revenge on eBay
- The online site eBay has become a source of seeking revenge (and we're not talking about leaving a bad rating). Here are a few examples of how people have gotten revenge:
  1. In June 2006, a radio shock jock named Tim Shaw told a woman on air that he would leave his wife and kids for her. Shaw's wife was so upset, she listed his Lotus Espirit Turbo for sale on eBay. The $45,000 car sold for a whopping 90 cents.FOXNews.com: Angry Wife Gets Revenge Via eBay (June 22, 2005)
  2. Another woman sold her ex-husband's prized baseball cards on eBay. Kim Dryden won the cards in her divorce and planned to send him the receipts to ensure her husband knew exactly what they went for.Kold News: Ex-Wife Exacts Ebay Revenge
  3. An Australian woman tried to sell a pair of her husband's lover's underpants on eBay along with a used condom wrapper until eBay forced her to take it down (it violates eBay policy to sell used underwear). In the auction, the woman gave a detailed account of her husband's misdeeds.The Tech Herald: Cheated Wife Exacts Ebay Revenge by Selling 'the Tart's Knickers'
  4. A man, upset at purchasing a faulty laptop on eBay, managed to repair it. When he did, he discovered quite a bit of personal information about the seller left on the computer. The upset buyer promptly created a blog and posted the information on the Internet.Mail Online: Revenge of the eBay Customer Sold 'Faulty' Laptop (May 30, 2006)
Revenge in Urban Legends
- Some tales of revenge become so famous that they become legends--urban legends. The stories become passed down like fairy tales as a warning to others. Two of the most popular include a cookie recipe and bridal infidelity:
1. Cookie Revenge: Revenge is sweet seems to fit with one urban legend regarding a cookie recipe. According to the legend, a woman upset with Neiman Marcus for charging her $250 for a cookie recipe decided to seek her revenge by passing the recipe for free.Snopes.com: Neiman Marcus $250 Cookie Recipe If the story is true, then the woman is now working for the company since the cookie recipe is listed on their website.Neiman Marcus: About NM
2. Bridal Revenge: What would you do if you discovered your bride or groom was sleeping with someone else? That has been the subject of numerous variations including:
  1. Announcing the infidelity to the gathered wedding guests right before the official vows.Snopes.com: Avenging Bride or Groom
  2. Objecting when the minister asks the question and announcing the infidelity and your intention to turn the reception into a party.About.com: The Bothered Bride (The Bride's Revenge) - An Urban Legend
  3. Taping a picture of the infidelity under the chairs or plates at the reception and, at the right moment, have the guests discover them.About.com: The Bridegroom's Revenge - An Urban Legend
- A few other legendary tales of revenge include:
1. Someone who calls an overseas automatic weather report from another person's phone while they were absent. They then left the phone off the hook to run up a huge phone bill.Snopes.com: Long Distance Bill Revenge
2. A wife who, after discovering her husband having an affair in their RV, traps the cheaters inside. She may or may not have let them out after calling her attorney.Snopes.com: RV Revenge
3. A woman who advertised her husband's infidelities on a billboard.Snopes.com: That Girl Emily However, truth seems to have followed fiction in 2005 when a British man hung a sign on a freeway telling his wife he wanted a divorce.CNN.com: When he's a Cheat, Revenge Seems Sweet
4. A woman, distraught over her husband's infidelities, decides to commit suicide off her building and ends up landing on her husband. According to the legend, the husband is killed but the wife survives.Snopes.com: Jumper Kills Nemesis
5. A jilted lover who got her revenge by sewing seafood into the curtains. The stench becomes so bad that the ex-lover is forced to sell the house at well below market value.Snopes.com: Seafood Sewn into Curtains
Revenge in Pop Culture
- Revenge is a common theme in literature, movies and music. While their fictional nature rarely make them good places to find ideas, we can enjoy a vicarious thrill through them. Who knows, they just may inspire you to write your own fantastical revenge story, screenplay or song.
Music
Ways to Seek Revenge
- Revenge fantasies are normal, according to Jeffrey Kaye, a San Francisco psychologist, but acting on the fantasies "can be quite destructive and self-defeating."CNN.com: When he's a Cheat, Revenge Seems Sweet This is why many people either look for harmless ways to seek revenge or decide not to seek revenge and focus on their own life instead.
Harmless Methods of Revenge
- What can be considered "harmless"? According to Christine Gallagher, who literally wrote the book on tevenge titled The Woman's Book of Revenge: Tips on Getting Even When 'Mr. Right' Turns Out to Be All Wrong, revenge should fit the crime and it should never break the law. How did she get revenge on her cheating ex? She unscrewed the door of his car and inserted a marble into the frame. It took the mechanics months (and her ex a lot of money) to find it."CNN.com: When he's a Cheat, Revenge Seems Sweet
- Another example of a harmless act of revenge could be what Keither Fuller did after a breakup. He decided to put a premature obituary in a national newspaper that read "In loving memory of Lyn Costelloe who, for one man, ceased to exist on December 18, 1994. Cazzo dritto non voult consiglio". The Latin translates to "the erect member has no conscience."Northern Echo: Why Husband's Sweet Taste of Revenge Will Turn Sour (April 25, 2003)
- Other examples of "harmless" revenge acts include:
  1. Replace their weed killer with fertilizer.Dave's Daily: 15 Great Ways To Get Revenge...
  2. Sending your ex a penis enhancer, sex guide or other device that suggests he/she was less than satisfying in bed.
  3. Send an empty box with either a blank thank you card or one that reads "thanks for nothing."
  4. If you owe them money, make sure you pay them back--in pennies.Snopes.com: Fine Paid in Pennies
  5. Send a box filled with manure and a knife and fork (which basically is telling them to "eat sh*t").
- Also, he New York Times reports that scientists have determined that there more peaceful ways to ease your desire for revenge. These things include:
  1. Trying to feel empathy for the other person.
  2. Counting your blessings.
  3. Remembering some of the nasty things you have done.
  4. Voicing your anger.New York Times: Payback Time: Why Revenge Tastes So Sweet
Conclusion
- While our need to seek revenge may be human nature, an obsession to do harm to another person is unhealthy and can have tragic results. If you or someone you know is having these type of thoughts, please seek professional counseling. At the very least, talk to someone and get their opinion before acting on any ideas you might have. What good is seeking revenge if you're not around to enjoy it. Not to mention that spending a lifetime or even several years in jail is likely to diminish any pleasure you receive from acting out your revenge fantasy.

Getting Revenge Tips

Categories

Introduction

Different Views on Revenge

The Psychology of Revenge

The Morality of Revenge

Revenge is Sweet

Religious "Revenge?": An Eye for an Eye

True Stories of Revenge

Revenge in the News

Love Gone Wrong

Revenge in the 21st Century

Selling Revenge on eBay

Revenge in Urban Legends

Revenge in Pop Culture

Music

Ways to Seek Revenge

Harmless Methods of Revenge

Conclusion