The Office Quotes

This page contains quotes from the American television show, The Office. The Office, which is based on a British show of the same name by Ricky Gervais, stars Steve Carell, Rainn Wilson, John Krasinski and Jenna Fischer. The show is about a paper company named Dunder Mifflin and one of its branches in Scranton, PA that is run by an incompetent boss named Michael Scott.

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• Jim: "Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica."

• Michael: "That's what she said."

• Dwight: "You can't fire me, I don't work in this van!"

• Michael: "Abraham Lincoln once said, 'If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North.'"

• Dwight: "What's the ratio of Schrute Bucks to Stanley Nickels?"
• Stanley: "The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns."

• Jim: "I miss Dwight. Congratulations Universe, you win."

• Michael: "I hate so much about the things you choose to be."

• Jim: "Lord, Beer me strength"

• Dwight: "The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies."

• Dwight: "Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, "Would an idiot do that?" And if they would, I do not do that thing."

• Creed: "I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the sixties, I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors, in the mud and the rain, and it's possible a man slipped in. Would be no way of knowing."

• Andy: "Oompa loompa, doompadee dossum, Dwight is now gone, which is totally awesome. Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy. No, he was not, he was a total douche. Doompadee doom."

• Kevin: "It's like eating a hot circle of garbage."

• Creed: "I'm a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing. I like to go in the women's room for number two. I've been caught several times, and I have paid dearly."

• Pam: "I think we broke his brain."