Stewie Griffin Quotes

This page contains memorable quotes from Stewie Griffin, a fictional character on the hit animated cartoon show, Family Guy. Stewie (voiced by Seth MacFarlane) is a precocious, evil mastermind toddler who is hellbent on world domination and killing his mother Lois. He speaks with a British accent, and has a head that's shaped like a football.

• "What the deuce?"

• "Damn you vile woman, you've impeded my work since the day I escaped your vile womb."

• "Did you forge my name? How dare you! Is this backwards "S" supposed to be cute? I'm going to crap double for you tonight."

• "Do these huggies make my ass look big?"

• "There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, 'My God wouldn't it be marvelous if i turned out to be a homosexual?'"

• "Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So...this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn't it? I mean you as well pack it in. Game over."

• [plucks a banjo] "Oh! I feel so delightfully white trash! Mummy, I want a mullet!"

• "I've got an army to raise and I must get to Nicaragua. I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal AND NO PICKLES. OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES."