NARRATOR: He's the oldest celebrity in the world. Like, super old. Old enough to remember when dancing was a sin and beer was served in a bucket. But is he ready to lead?

We then see a shot of Paris Hilton reclining on a pool chair in a swimsuit.

PARIS HILTON: Hey, America, I'm Paris Hilton and I'm a celebrity, too. Only, I'm not from the olden days and I'm not promising change like that other guy. I'm just hot. But then that wrinkly white-haired guy used me in his campaign ad, which I guess means I'm running for president. So thanks for the endorsement, White Haired Dude. And I want America to know that I'm, like, totally ready to lead. Now I want to present my energy policy for America. Just as soon as I finish reading this article on where I can fly to to get the best tan.

Paris picks up a copy of Conde Nast Travel and begins reading while "America the Beautiful" plays on the soundtrack.

PARIS HILTON: Oh, Maui. Loves it. Okay, so here's my energy policy. Barack wants to focus on new technologies to cut foreign oil dependency. And McCain wants offshore drilling. Well, why don't we do a hybrid of both candidates' ideas? We can do limited offshore drilling with strict environmental oversight while creating tax incentives to get Detroit making hybrid and electric cars. That way, the offshore drilling carries us until the new technologies kick in, which will then create new jobs and energy independence. Energy crisis solved! I'll see you at the debates, bitches. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go pick out a vice-president. I'm thinking Rihanna. I'll see you at The White House. Oh, and I might paint it pink. I hope that's cool with you guys. Bye.

Paris blows a kiss to the camera. We cut to an American flag with a "Paris for President" logo in front of it.

The ad claims to have been paid for "by Paris Hilton 2008" and approved by "everyone."

PARIS HILTON: I'm Paris Hilton and I approve this message because I think it's totally hot.