Office Space Quotes

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  • Office Space is a 1999 comedy about a disgruntled office worker, Peter Gibbons, and his quest to find happiness in the workplace. It has become a cult favorite despite its poor box office performance.

  • Storyline

    The film follows Peter Gibbons, played by Ron Livingston, who is far from interested in his job as a software programmer. After visiting a hypnotist in an attempt to brighten his outlook on life Peter is left a state of euphoria when the hypnotist dies. As a result his work ethic takes a major downturn. Despite this Peter manages to get a promotion from a pari of consultants brought in to help with corporate downsizing. His two friends, Michael Bolton and Samir Nagheenanajar, are not so lucky and in an attempt to get back at the company Peter, Samir and Michael hatch a plan to rip the company off.

  • Cast

  • Office Space Quotes on Amazon

  • Office Space Quotes Questions

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  • Office Space Quotes

      • Michael Bolton: You think the pet rock was a really great idea?
      • Tom Smykowski: Sure it was. The guy made a million dollars. You know, I had an idea like that once. A long time ago.
      • Peter Gibbons: Really, what was it, Tom?
      • Tom Smykowski: Well, all right. It was a "Jump to Conclusions" mat. You see, it would be this mat that you would put on the floor, and it would have different conclusions written on it that you could jump to.
      • Michael Bolton: That's the worst idea I've ever heard in my life, Tom.
      • Samir: Yes, this is horrible, this idea.
      • Dom Portwood: Hello, Peter. What's happening? We need to talk about your TPS reports.
      • Peter Gibbons: Yeah. The coversheet. I know, I know. Uh, Bill talked to me about it.
      • Dom Portwood: Yeah. Uh, did you get that memo?
      • Peter Gibbons: Yeah. I got the memo. And I understand the policy. The problem is, I just forgot this one time. And I've already taken care of it so it's not even a problem anymore.
      • Dom Portwood: Yeah. It's just that we're putting new coversheets on all the TPS reports *before* they go out now. So if you could just remember to do that from now on, that'd be great. All right!
      • Bob Slydell: Would you bear with me for just a second here.
      • Peter Gibbons: OK.
      • Bob Slydell: What if - and believe me this is hypothetical - but what if you were offered some kind of a stock option equity sharing program. Would that do anything for you?
      • Peter Gibbons: I don't know, I guess. Listen, I'm gonna go. It's been really nice talking to both you guys.
      • Bob Slydell: Absolutely, the pleasure's all on this side of the table, trust me.
      • Peter Gibbons: Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really, really well.
      • Bob Porter: Excellent.
      • Bob Slydell: Great... Wow.
      • Peter Gibbons: What if we're still doin' this when we're 50?
      • Samir: It would be nice to have that kind of job security.
      • Peter Gibbons: Lumbergh's gonna have me work on Saturday. I can tell already. I'm gonna end up doin' it, because, uh, because I'm a big p*&$y... which is why I work at Initech to begin with.
      • Michael Bolton: Uh, yeah, well, I work at Initech and I don't consider myself a p&*$y, OK?
      • Samir: Yes, I am also not a p*&$y.
      • Peter: Sometimes I get the feeling like she's cheating on me.
      • Lawrence: Yah, I know what you mean, man.
      • Peter Gibbons: Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you'd do if you had a million dollars and you didn't have to work. And invariably what you'd say was supposed to be your career. So, if you wanted to fix old cars you're supposed to be an auto mechanic.
      • Samir: So what did you say?
      • Peter Gibbons: I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech.
      • Michael Bolton: No, you're working at Initech because that question is bulls*%t to begin with. If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors, because no one would clean s*%t up if they had a million dollars.
      • Drew: I'm thinking I might take that new chick from Logistics. If things go well I might be showing her my O-face. "Oh... Oh... Oh!" You know what I'm talkin' about. "Oh!"
      • Lawrence: We still goin' fishin' this weekend?
      • Peter Gibbons: Nah, Lumbergh's gonna have me come in on Saturday, I just know it.
      • Lawrence: Well, you can get out of that easily.
      • Peter Gibbons: Yeah? How?
      • Lawrence: Well, when a boss wants you to work on Saturday he generally asks you at the end of the day, right?
      • Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
      • Lawrence: So, all you gotta do is avoid him... on the last few hours on Friday, duck out early, turn off your answering machine... you should be home free, man.
      • Peter Gibbons: That's a really good idea.
      • Lawrence: F&$kin' A, man!
      • Peter Gibbons: The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
      • Bob Porter: Don't... don't care?
      • Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my a## off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime; so where's the motivation? And here's something else, Bob: I have eight different bosses right now.
      • Bob Slydell: I beg your pardon?
      • Peter Gibbons: Eight bosses.
      • Bob Slydell: Eight?
      • Peter Gibbons: Eight, Bob. So that means that when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled; that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.
      • Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
      • Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.
      • Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
      • Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; 'cause chicks dig dudes with money.
      • Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
      • Lawrence: Well, the type of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.
      • Peter Gibbons: Good point.
      • Lawrence: Well, what about you now? what would you do?
      • Peter Gibbons: Besides two chicks at the same time?
      • Lawrence: Well, yeah.
      • Peter Gibbons: Nothing.
      • Lawrence: Nothing, huh?
      • Peter Gibbons: I would relax... I would sit on my a## all day... I would do nothing.
      • Lawrence: Well, you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Take a look at my cousin: he's broke, don't do s#*t.
      • Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It's not that hard: Samir Na-gheen-an-a-jar. Nagheenanajar.
      • Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.
      • Samir: You know there's nothing wrong with that name.
      • Michael Bolton: There was nothing wrong with it... until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent a## clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
      • Samir: Hmm... well why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?
      • Michael Bolton: No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks.
      • Bob Slydell: You see, what we're actually trying to do here is, we're trying to get a feel for how people spend their day at work... so, if you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?
      • Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
      • Bob Slydell: Great.
      • Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh heh - and, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour.
      • Bob Porter: Da-uh? Space out?
      • Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.
      • Bob Slydell: I'd like to move us right along to a Peter Gibbons. Now we had a chance to meet this young man, and boy that's just a straight shooter with upper management written all over him.
      • Michael Bolton: We get caught laundering money, we're not going to white-collar resort prison. No, no, no. We're going to federal POUND ME IN THE A## prison.
      • Samir: I don't want to go to ANY prison!
    • Mooviees!: Office Space Quotes
      • Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.
      • Dr. Swanson: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?
      • Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
      • Dr. Swanson: Wow, that's messed up.
      • Bob Porter: Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.
      • Peter Gibbons: Well, I wouldn't exactly say I've been *missing* it, Bob.
      • Michael Bolton: You were supposed to come in Saturday. What were you doing?
      • Peter Gibbons: Michael, I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be.
      • Bob Porter: We'll be getting rid of these people here... First, Mr. Samir Naga... Naga... Naga... Not gonna work here anymore, anyway.
      • Samir: [trying to decide if he should go along with the virus plot] I have a question.
      • Peter Gibbons: Yes?
      • Samir: In... in these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women?
      • Peter Gibbons: Yep, you sure can.
      • Samir: OK, I'll do it.
      • Milton Waddams: [talking on the phone] And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...
      • Bill Lumbergh: Milt, we're gonna need to go ahead and move you downstairs into storage B. We have some new people coming in, and we need all the space we can get. So if you could go ahead and pack up your stuff and move it down there, that would be terrific, OK?
      • Milton Waddams: Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler...

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