Nikki McKibbin Drugs

Former American Idol contestant, Nikki McKibbin, reportedly claims that Idol judge Simon Cowell's harsh remarks on the show led to her downward spiral of drug and alcohol addiction.HollyScoop: Former Idol Blames Simon (October 17, 2008) MTV: McKibbin Comes Clean (October 17, 2008)

"The worst time for me was when my mom died. I didn't have any control over myself at all, and I drank for nine months nonstop."MTV: McKibbin Comes Clean (October 17, 2008)

"I've always wanted to be able to talk about it to somebody who wasn't family who wouldn't get angry (referring to her abuse by a family member). I've tried therapy and psychiatrists, but what's different with ['Celebrity Rehab'] is that I needed to learn how to deal with this stuff. After I'd leave the psychiatrist's office, I'd go drinking because it was too painful to keep thinking about. When you deal with trauma as a child, if you have an addict mentality and it's hardwired from the beginning, you don't know how to do anything else other than drink and take drugs to take the pain away."MTV: McKibbin Comes Clean (October 17, 2008)

"For me, I had never been told I wasn't good. I'm by no means blaming him (referring to Simon Cowell). I'm an addict, and if you tell an addict they're no good, it triggers you and makes you think you're worthless and useless and no good at the only thing you ever wanted to do your whole life."MTV: McKibbin Comes Clean (October 17, 2008)