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You don't have to be a wordsmith to express loving support for a grieving individual. How to Write a Letter of Sympathy shows you that a little thoughtful planning and simple words from the heart can make a big impact.
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Writing Tips
- Act immediately
- Speak from your heart
- Write legibly
- Avoid cliches
- Offer support
- Include a personal touch
- Sign your full name
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Introduction
- When someone you know has suffered the loss of a loved one, a few compassionate words can speak volumes. Though the thought of composing a letter or note of sympathy may seem difficult, this simple act of kindness gives great comfort to a friend or relative, not only now but down the road. A little thoughtful effort and heartfelt expression are all you need to send appropriate condolences.
Step 1: Before You Write
- There are no magic words when it comes to sympathy messages. The best thing you can do when you write is speak from your heart and say what you feel.DIYnetwork.com: Thank you and sympathy note etiquette But before you start, there are a few things to consider.
- Whom to write: If the person grieving is a close friend or relative, then deciding whom to write is easy. But if you knew the deceased only, and not anyone connected to him or her, it's appropriate to address the deceased's closest living relative and/or spouse.GalleryCollection.com: Etiquette for expressing condolences
- When to write: Etiquette experts agree that there's no time like the present to send your thoughts of sympathy. As soon as you hear of the loss and before the funeral or memorial service, start composing your condolences.GalleryCollection.com: Etiquette for expressing condolences It is OK even to send a short e-mail acknowledging the loss, but only if you follow-up with a handwritten letter.EmilyPost.com: Bereavement questions and answers
Step 2: Composing Condolences
- You may find yourself staring at a blank page and tapping your pen at this point in the process, which is understandable. Offering comfort to someone who may be going through the most difficult time in his or her life can seem overwhelming. But a few simple guidelines take the guesswork out of the process.
What to Say
- Acknowledge the loss as well as the deceased by name or title: This can be as simple as "I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your friend Jane" or "Please accept my deepest sympathies for the loss of your brother."Suite101.com: Writing a condolence card (April 18, 2008)
- Express your condolences: This is the part where you speak from your heart, acknowledging the grief the recipient is going through (i.e. "My heart goes out to you during this difficult time").WhoWhatWhenWhereWhy.com: How to write a letter of sympathy (September 22, 2008)
- Share something personal: If you were part of a fond memory with the deceased, or recall a particular accomplishment of theirs, recount it in writing.Buzzle.com: Appropriate words for a sympathy card (June 24, 2008) If you weren't acquainted with the deceased, share something positive you knew about him or her.EmilyPost.com: Bereavement questions and answers
- Offer support: Though grieving individuals will be offered assistance countless times, it's always a good idea to let them know you are there to help in any way-- whether it's working out funeral details, cooking meals or just being there to listen.Suite101.com: How to write a letter of sympathy (November 7, 2008)
- Close with comfort: End your letter with one last expression of consolation, such as "You are in my prayers" or "With heartfelt condolences."Suite101.com: Writing a condolence card (April 18, 2008)
- If you still find yourself struggling for the right words, there are many helpful Web sites with lists of sympathy phrases to help you strike just the right chord.Buzzle.com: Words of condolence (July 1, 2008) Buzzle.com: Sympathy quotes (January 1, 2008)
What Not to Say
- Avoid cliches such as "this was his/her time."GalleryCollection.com: Etiquette for expressing condolences
- Empathy is one thing, but don't tell the recipient you know just how he or she feels.GalleryCollection.com: Etiquette for expressing condolences
- Don't discuss the details of the death; save that energy for celebrating the deceased's life.WritingHelp-Central.com: Sample sympathy letter
Step 3: In the Details
- In your efforts to be eloquent, don't forget the little things. Including your return address on the letter, for example, is important to the grieving recipient because he or she will want to send back a thank-you note for your thoughtfulness.GalleryCollection.com: Etiquette for expressing condolences Here are a few details worth remembering before you stamp that letter.
- Handwrite legibly throughout.Suite101.com: Writing a condolence card (April 18, 2008)
- Sign your full name in the closing to avoid any confusion.WritingHelp-Central.com: Sample sympathy letter
- Include your return address on the envelope.
- For an extra special touch, include a photo or two you have of the deceased that the recipient might appreciate.Buzzle.com: Appropriate words for a sympathy card (June 24, 2008)
- If you know the religious faith of the deceased, you may choose to include an applicable spiritual sentiment in your closing.Buzzle.com: Appropriate words for a sympathy card (June 24, 2008)
Conclusion
- No matter what your relationship to someone who has suffered a loss, sending a letter of sympathy is always the right move. Your note may be re-read for years to come and provide as much warmth and comfort then as it does now.Suite101.com: Writing a condolence card (April 18, 2008) Simply speaking from your heart is all it takes, but always think before your write.
- If you find yourself wanting to do more after the letter is sent, you can check into sending flowers to the family or donating to a memorial set up in the deceased's name. Remember that sometimes the best gift you can give is a simple expression of your support.
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