How to Throw a Dinner Party

Do you need help with the details of planning a dinner party? This page on how to throw a dinner party teaches you how to throw a dinner, without the stress.

Dinner Party

Times have changed. This video from 1945 discusses dinner party etiquette. Details such as how to enter the room, how to unfold the napkin, how to pass food, how to eat soup, and when to start eating are covered. This video does mention, however, that he goal of etiquette is not to enforce rigid formal rules, but to make sure others are at ease.

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Introduction: How to Throw a Dinner Party
- You've attended many a great dinner party—thrown by someone else. To some of us, the mere idea of cooking for several guests and creating a memorable evening at home is enough to make us rush to book reservations anywhere else. With the right planning and attitude, however, you can easily host a successful dinner party your friends will truly savor.
The Guest List
- The difference between a terrific dinner party and a not-so terrific one is often the right mix of people.
1. When deciding whom to invite, consider common interests, backgrounds, and how well your guests know one another.
2. Between 6 and 12 guests is considered appropriate for a dinner party. Martha Stewart's experts at Blueprint claim 6 is the "golden total."
3. Try to avoid inviting your staunchest environmentalist along with that friend of yours who thinks recycling is a conspiracy. Lively debate between guests keeps things interesting, but real tension can create a stressful environment for everyone.
4. Balance the group between old friends and new, and people from different aspects of your life to keep conversation varied.
How to Invite
- Once you've determined the ideal group, you'll need to give your guests notice at least a couple of weeks in advance.
1. The formality of your invitation will dictate the tone of the evening.
2. A custom or handwritten invite sent by mail, for example, signals a special evening.
3. A simple email message or phone call lets guests know the critical details but suggests a more casual meal.
4. Make sure your invite includes date, time, your address, contact information, and any relevant details about the evening.
5. What you say in your invitation will let people know how to dress and what to expect from the evening. If you're making anything that might be messy or requirecertain clothes—think lobster, ribs, buffalo wings—it's best to let your guests know ahead of time. The same goes for alerting guests that they will be sitting on the floor, outside, or in any other non-traditional setting.
6. Decide ahead of time what you will say to guests who ask what to bring when they RSVP. "Yourself!" is a standard answer if you truly don't want or need anything.
  - Do communicate what you plan to serve so guests will have an idea of what might complement the meal if they insist upon bringing something.
Setting the Tone
- While a dinner party is always the best motivation to clean your home, you'll want to add a few extra touches, as well.
1. Plan to decorate with fresh flowers and candles. These can turn any space into a distinctive one.
2. Try matching your decorations to the theme of your meal. A mandarin chicken entrée could be accented with Chinese lanterns, for example.
3. If setting the table conjures up memories of stressful "which fork?" moments, learn from famed party planner Colin Cowie's comprehensive table dressing rules.
The Right Music
- You'll want to spend the evening talking to your guests, not playing DJ, so it's best to set up music ahead of time.
1. Organize your CDs or records, or make a special playlist on your iPod to set the tone.
  - For example, a Bohemian dinner party, complete with floor cushions and a tapestry-laid table would call for 1960s tunes.
2. Make sure you won't let the volume or distracting shifts in music overwhelm conversation.
Games and Activities
- Decide ahead of time if you will incorporate any activities into the evening.
1. If you are certain to have a lively crowd, conversation is enough to keep the night interesting.
2. If you are somewhat skeptical about how your group will mix, consider organizing one or two parlor games just in case.
3. Even something as simple as two truths and a lie over dessert can be a fun way to learn new things about your guests.
Step 3: Designing The Menu
- Be careful to consider a number of factors when designing your menu, such as equipment you'll need, your culinary experience, and the number of ingredients you will need, as well as how difficult they might be to procure.
1. When guests respond to your invitation, be sure to ask if they have any food allergies or strong preferences so you can alter your menu accordingly.
2. Decide on a number of courses. Will you have cold hors d'oeuvres out when guests arrive and then serve a salad and a main course? Will you make a soup, a main course, and a dessert? Generally, three to four courses is the right number.
3. Your first dinner party is not the time to experiment with a complicated recipe. If you insist on making something you haven't cooked before, choose recipes that outline simple steps or are variations on dishes you've tried in the past.
4. Find recipes that allow you to do much of the work ahead of time, as it's no fun being relegated to the kitchen all night while your guests are socializing elsewhere. Meat or fish dishes that are marinated hours ahead are easy choices.
5. Dishes that can be served at room temperature (salads, some vegetables) are key to conserving oven space and keeping you calm.
6. If possible, only choose one main course that will require some attention. Avoid dishes that will keep you in the kitchen the entire evening, like a risotto that needs constant stirring.
7. Make sure you have all the tools you'll need for your meal: proper pots, sauté pans, a garlic press, anything required of your meal.
8. Don't forget necessary serving pieces, too.
Sample Dinner Party Menu
1. Appetizers/hors d'oeuvres: if you know you will be too busy to pass hors d'oeuvres, choose cold appetizers people can serve themselves.
  - Examples: cheese and crackers with grapes or apple, olives (don't forget toothpicks!), pate, smoked salmon with capers and lemon.
  - Set out cocktail napkins aside dishes, as well as any serving pieces your guests will need.
2. Soup and/or salad course
  - Consider a cold soup, like vichyssoise, that you can make ahead and simply pull out of the refrigerator and serve.
  - You can make your salad ahead, too; just don't dress it until the last minute. To make a Caesar salad, bake your croutons ahead of time and assemble your dressing. Toss all the ingredients together just before serving.
3. Main course
  - For example, with a dish like Pan-seared Chicken with Tarragon Butter Sauce, chop the shallot, tarragon and parsley ahead of time. Measure out the lemon juice, wine, and olive oil so that everything is ready to add and you can finish your dish efficiently.
  - Accompaniments could include roasted vegetables you have prepared ahead of time, along with bread fresh enough to serve without warming.
4. Dessert course
  - To save time, consider buying a dessert.
  - Or make something ahead of time. You can bake an apple pie a day ahead and either serve it cold or warm it up before dessert.
Recipe Sources
- - Epicurious is a terrific resource for the chef. If you've chosen a theme for your evening, you can simply type in foods you wish to make, and the site will generate recipes for you. Use the "fork rating system" to review users' favorite recipes.
  - Specific dinner party menus are also available online, providing directions for several multiple course meals.
  - Food & Wine and message boards like Chow.com are additional sources of inspiration and advice.
Step 4: A Day or Two Before Your Party
- This is the time to shop.
1. Do all your food shopping a day or two ahead. You don't want to do everything—clean, decorate, shop, prepare, and cook—the same day of your party.
  - This also allows you time to run out the day of the party if you've forgotten anything.
2. Buy flowers and any other decorative items now.
3. A note on alcohol: While pairing wine to your menu is important, it is equally important to have non-alcoholic options available (beyond tap water!) for your guests who are driving or don't drink.
4. Consider buying dessert or appetizers to limit the cooking you'll need to do.
Several Hours Ahead
1. Finish any cleaning up you need to do.
2. Buy flowers if you haven't already and arrange them.
3. Set the table. Organizing seating arrangements takes the stress out of finding a place to sit. While the traditional boy-girl seating isn't really necessary, it is a good idea to place spouses and significant others apart—they see each other every day!
4. Take out any serving dishes you will need.
5. If you are serving buffet style, set up that table, too.
An Hour Ahead
1. Get ready! You can always light candles or slice lemons as guests are arriving, but you can't be showering when they get there.
2. Prepare the bar. If you've decided to serve one special cocktail, mix it now. Slice lemons or limes, crush mint, or prepare any garnish necessary for drinks. Set out proper glasses and napkins.
3. Set lighting. Decide how dim you want the lights to be. Strive for a balance with lighting: you don't want lights to be so bright that people feel they're still in their offices, but you don't want it to be so dark that no one can see each other. A combination of lights from different directions, in addition to candles, requires some experimentation ahead of time.
4. Do any prep work you can: chopping herbs and onions, or pouring olive oil into small prep dishes. These time-savers will not only allow you to spend the evening with your guests, but will mean you don't have to refer to a recipe for measurements if you have company in the kitchen.
5. If the entrée you have chosen is something that takes more than twenty minutes in the oven, consider starting it before you expect guests and then keeping it warm (on a hot plate or in a low-temperature oven) until you are ready to serve.
6. The same goes for anything that requires a slow simmer. A hot soup, for example, can be finished ahead of time and kept warm on a stovetop until the time is right to sit down.
Just Before Your Guests Arrive
1. Set out hors d'oeuvres in several locations to encourage mingling.
2. Start music and adjust volume.
3. Open and/or decant wine.
Step 6: At Your Dinner Party
- With all the preparation you have done until this point, now it's time to enjoy yourself.
When Guests Arrive
1. You'll need to introduce your guests to one another if they have not met before or don't know each other well.
2. Try to highlight what guests might have in common with one another, so they have an immediate conversation starter. Your friend from college might have studied abroad in Italy, while another has just honeymooned there.
3. If you still have work to do in the kitchen, appoint a friend who will be monitoring the start of the evening and will let you know if you are needed.
4. With a group of close friends, you can also assign any last minute tasks like chopping parsley or lighting candles.
  - "Making people feel needed, wanted, and part of the family is very important. I think it can cast quite a pall on a party when the host is neurotically fussing over things," says famed chef and hostess Nigella Lawson.
5. If you are uncomfortable having guests in the kitchen while you are putting finishing details on any preparations, announce that early on, but tactfully. Try saying something like, "Please go enjoy yourself in the living room while I finish these vegetables, and I will be right out to hear all about your new job!"
Throughout the Evening
1. The food and wine at hand always make for good conversation. Perhaps there are new resources for you to share with guests—a hidden farmer's market where you bought your tomatoes, or a restaurant that has just opened in your neighborhood.
2. If conversation flags, remember that you are the link between all your guests. Ask questions you know will engage more than one person and let the discussion flow from there.
3. Regularly survey the room to see if anything needs replenishing: drinks, water, any accompaniments to your meal that may have run low.
4. If you have decided to incorporate a game or other activity into the evening, don't wait too late to begin. You don't want your guests to feel compelled to stay later just because you temporarily forgot to start the short film you planned to screen.
At the End of the Night
1. What if at the end of the night everyone is having too much fun, but you have an early morning? Try turning off the music to delicately signal the end of a great evening.
2. Be sure all your guests have a safe ride home. Call taxis for anyone who has over-indulged.
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