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If you've noticed signs that your wife is attracted to women, you might be wondering if she is gay. She could actually be a lesbian, or it may be something else entirely. Either way, you're probably anxious learn how to tell if your wife is gay.
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Introduction
- If you suspect that your wife may be gay, you are probably feeling pretty confused and want to know how to find out what is going on. Sexual orientation (and relationships in general) can be very complex, and often result in touchy feelings and blurred truths. No matter what, your Mrs. probably loves you -- whether she is attracted to other women or not. After all, she married you for a reason. Still, if you are having relationship issues, and think it possible that your wife would prefer to be with a female rather than you, you are probably eager to get the facts. While there is no simple way to find out if she really is gay until she begins a relationship with another woman, there are some ways that you can help clarify the situation.
Step 1: Talk to Her
- Before you go jumping to any conclusions, or start harboring secret suspicions, you should have a heart-to-heart conversation with your spouse. It may be difficult, but you will need to confront the issues that are causing you to question your marriage. Choose a time when there are no distractions, and set up an environment that will make the discussion as comfortable as possible. A weekend lunchtime chat would be a good example.
- Before you come out with a direct question, try to address what has been going wrong in your relationship. Obviously, if you are thinking these thoughts, there are some problems to talk about. Do not accuse her of anything; simply tell her what is on your mind. If you are not satisfied with her answers, then it is time to come right and ask her if she is attracted to women. If you are lucky, she will be honest with you. If she denies being homosexual, but you still do not believe her, then it is time to do some more investigating.
Step 2: Look for Signs
- Stay aware of your wife's activities, and pay attention to her actions. Here are some signs to look for:
- Having a lot of lesbian friends
- Going to lesbian bars
- Getting very close to a gay female friend
- Making sweeping, derogatory comments about men
- Making repeated jokes about being a lesbian
- Lack of interest in sex with you
- Keep in mind that none of these things, alone or together, are proof of homosexuality. They are only things to keep an eye out for.
Step 3: Snoop
- If all else fails, you may want to look for evidence in order to get to the bottom of the situation. This should only be done as a last resort, as you will probably accomplish much more through mutually honest conversations with your wife.
- If you decide to look for clues, her cell phone is a good place to start. Is she getting or making secret late-night calls to female friends? Is she getting racy text messages? Look at her credit card receipts --is she spending money at gay bars, or on her friends, and then not telling you about it? Internet history may also reveal information. Typically, women aren't as interested in pornography as men, but there is a chance that she could be going to "girly" sites, or possibly chat rooms. Reading emails may also help you gain insight.
- Even if you do find evidence that seems to solidify your suspicions, do not automatically decide that your wife must be gay. She may be acting the way she is because she's attracted to the warmth and comfort she finds from women, but is still heterosexual.
Conclusion
- If you suspect your wife may be gay, it is time for a heart-to-heart chat. Together, the two of you can talk about any problems in your relationship -- what you may be interpreting as homosexuality may actually be signs of deep problems in your marriage. If you feel very strongly that she is a lesbian, then ask her. Hopefully she will be honest. If you don't find out what you need to know by talking, then it is time to start paying closer attention to her activities and possibly, if all else fails, looking through her things. Once you know what is really going on with your wife, you can begin to take steps to mend either your relationship or your heart.
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