Many people who are dating or find themselves searching for a new partner after the dissolution of a relationship find themselves asking how to tell if its love or infatuation. You meet someone new, there are sparks, you find that your thoughts somehow always seem to gravitate back to them, they have a warming smile or alluring eyes that sends a tingly feeling down your spine and goosebumps crawling all over your skin. But is it really love? How do you know if it's really the kind of relationship that's meant to last?

It is important to first understand the differences between "love" and "infatuation". Infatuation is a feeling, and according to some, a chemical reaction that takes place in the body when two people are near. While some claim that infatuation is merely a hormonal reaction, or chemistry, Dr. Harville Hendrix, in his book Keeping the Love You Find, claims that infatuation is really more like a form of self love that stems from our own personal need for self gratification, and is instead not really love but a fascination with finding our buried self.http://www.links2love.com/is_it_love_2.htm Love on the other hand, is a much deeper emotion that is based on long term friendships and common interests, the ability to interact and discuss things on a mature and confident level. It is patient and develops over time, and has the confidence to trust no matter the distance between two people. Many people become so overwhelmed with feelings of infatuation that they find themselves in disastrous relationships later. They may marry in haste or wind up in abusive situations or simply relationships that do not work out. This can be particularly damaging especially when a child is conceived and the two people become parents together. Many psychologists theorize that the tremendous divorce rate in the United States is attributed to people not dealing with their own insecurities that result from childhood, past experiences, or other past relationships, and give in to feelings of last in an effort to make themselves feel more secure.http://www.drirene.com/isitlove.htm

Slow down and breathe. Take the time to examine your relationship and the feelings that accompany it not only when your partner is around, but also when they are away. If you find that you fight and make up a lot and that there is a lot of hurt an jealousy in the relationship, then it may not be love. This kind of relationship can put you on an unwanted emotional roller coaster, create added stress in your life, and can even damage your emotional and physical well-being. Think about how you treat your partner and also how he/she treats you. Are you untrusting? Is there cheating involved? Do you treat him/her more like an object or a way out of your current situation, rather than an actual person? If so, you may actually be reacting to your own feelings of insecurity and giving in to infatuation. On the other hand, if you are confident in your relationship both when your partner is around and away from you, if both of you can be honest and respectful of one another, and you are comfortable being around each other even when there is no touching, intimacy, or sex, then you may be on the right track to love.

Don't be afraid to ask your partner how they feel about the relationship. Do they feel the same way that you do? What kinds of things do you share in common tat the foundation of the relationship was built on? Do they also feel that you are honest with them and treat them with respect? While this kind of discussion can certainly be awkward for some, if you are comfortable talking about just about anything with your partner, that's a good sign of a very healthy, loving relationship. Also talk to your friends and others who are around the two of you together. How do they perceive things? If your friends tell you that they don't like the way he/she treats you, or they can't stand to be around the two of you when you are together because you are either constantly fighting or making out in front of other people, that's a sign that something may not be right in your relationship.

Think about the emotional troubles and conflicts that you have had in your own life. Are there unresolved hurts from the past that may be interfering with your current relationships? Do you find yourself constantly in and out of relationships and falling for the wrong kinds of people? If so, the problem may just be that realistically, you are just not ready for a relationship. Remember, love is patient, and self love is no different. Take the time to heal and take the time to learn to love yourself. Don't get in a hurry. If you find that you are unable to do this on your own, talk to a counselor or find positive friends that you can talk to and that will uplift you and encourage you.