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Body language is a term that describes the way people communicate with each other nonverbally, through the use of gestures, posture, facial expressions and actions. Learning how to read body language can help you determine if someone truly means what they are saying to you.
Imagine two men approaching each other. One immediately calls the other one an insulting name. The other responds with a similar insult. Suddenly, the two men rush forward and bear hug each other. This scene is a perfect example of psychologist Albert Mehrabian's 7%-38%-55% Rule.Times Online: How to Give a Best Man's Speech (June 14, 2008)
WARNING: Pop-ups According to Mehrabian, 55 percent of our communication is done through body language, 38 percent is done through tone of voice and 7 percent is done through our words.
Learning to read body language can be helpful when trying to judge if a person is attracted to you, lying to you or trying to hide his or her real feelings from you. Interpreting body language isn't something you can master overnight, but you can learn a few basic rules fairly quickly.
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Body Language Basics
- In the movie While You Were Sleeping, Bill Pullman's character Jack accuses Sandra Bullock's character Lucy of being attracted to another man because she was "leaning" towards him during a conversation. However, as the movie showed, Lucy wasn't, in fact, interested in this other man. While leaning towards someone can be a way to show attraction, Jack misinterpreted Lucy's body language.
- Watch Jack misreading Lucy's cues at the 1:36 mark in the following clip from While You Were Sleeping:
- YouTube: While You Were Sleeping (Time 9:55)
- Much like a person's words, a person's body language may or may not always be a clear indicator of his or her true emotions. You can avoid making the kind of mistakes Jack did in reading Lucy's body language by adhering to a few basic rules:
- Establish a baseline. A baseline is established by observing a person when they are relaxed and acting normally. This will help you understand what behaviors are the result of other things such as habits, gender differences, mental or physical disorders and similar issues.Center for Nonverbal Studies: Baseline Demeanor
- Because actions can have multiple meanings, look for clusters.TODAYShow.com: Ex-FBI Agent Helps Decode Body LanguageJuly. 16, 2008 Clusters are several actions that all indicate the same emotion. For example, if you notice someone touching the side of his or her nose, you could assume that either the person is trying to evaluate a situation or lying to you. If he or she then looks up and purses his or her lips, you can assume they were weighing over a decision. If he or she looks down and turns away from you, it is more likely that they are lying to you.
- Understand that cultural differences can affect a person's body language. For example, in the United States, eye contact shows honesty and interest. However, in Japan, Africa, Latin America and the Caribbean, avoiding eye contact is a way to show the other person respect.Andrews University: Non-Verbal Commuication Modes
- Understand that behavioral or physical disorders can affect a person's body language. For example, people with ADHD will generally fidget and avoid eye contact, but these are not necessarily indicators of boredom or lying.WebMD: Types of ADHD
Lying and Deception
- Many people want to learn to read body language to help decipher if someone is lying to them. Often times, the signs of deception are similar to signs of nervousness and anxiety because the person is nervous about being discovered in the lie.Center for Nonverbal Studies: Deceive A few signs of deception include:
- Avoiding eye contact or looking down.About.com: Liar, Liar How Can You Tell?
- Touching the face or head with their hand.About.com: Liar, Liar How Can You Tell?
- Holding an object in front of his/her body as if to form a barrier between you and them. This can also indicate shyness or resistance.Marc and Angel Hack Life: 25 Acts of Body Language to Avoid (July 7, 2008)
- Faking a smile. A fake smile will involve only the lips and mouth.Marc and Angel Hack Life: 25 Acts of Body Language to Avoid (July 7, 2008)
- Shuffling his/her feet.MSNBC.com: Roger Clemens licks his lips. But does that mean he's lying? (February 13, 2008)
- Expressions do not match the person's statements.About.com: Believe What You See
- Clenched jaw.MSNBC.com: Roger Clemens licks his lips. But does that mean he's lying? (February 13, 2008)
- Licking the lips.MSNBC.com: Roger Clemens licks his lips. But does that mean he's lying? (February 13, 2008)
- Signs of nervousness or anxiety.
- ExpertVillage: How to Tell if Someone is Lying with Body Language (Time: 2:35)
Interest and Attention
- When a person is interested in a subject, he/she is more likely to give the topic his/her full attention. A few signs that this is occurring include:
- Eye contact.BBW Magazine: Between the Lines: Take the Guesswork out of Attraction
- Dilated pupils.BBW Magazine: Between the Lines: Take the Guesswork out of Attraction
- Nodding.
Online Dating Magazine: The Affects of Body Language
Online Dating Magazine: The Affects of Body Language
Boredom
- When a person is bored, they will either consciously or unconsciously look for ways to distract him or herself or will show signs of wanting to get away from the situation. These actions include:
- Turning the body away from the subject or person.Coping.org: Nonverbal Communication Issues
- Leaning away from the person.Marc and Angel Hack Life: 25 Acts of Body Language to Avoid (July 7, 2008)
- Looking around.WebMD: Body Language Basics
- Not making eye contact, especially if looking down.WebMD: Body Language Basics
- Looking at watch.Emurse: A Quick Guide to Body Language (June 21, 2007)
- Sometimes, these actions are repetitive:
- Tapping fingers or foot.Coping.org: Nonverbal Communication Issues
- Shifting weight from one foot to the other.Marc and Angel Hack Life: 25 Acts of Body Language to Avoid (July 7, 2008)
- If the boredom continues long enough, a person might then begin to show signs of fatigue:
Attraction
- Our bodies are naturally flirtatious toward people that we find attractive. One of the most obvious things someone can do is smile. However, there are other signs. Learn to recognize these signs, and you will be able to tell if someone is truly interested in you. Signs someone is attracted to you include:
- Blinking rapidly. Rapid blinking can indicate interest, attraction, nervousness or an eye disorder.BBC: Flirting and Body Language
- Raising eyebrows. Although a quick raising of the eyebrows will lasts less than a second and is usually subconscious, the gesture is done by every culture on Earth as a sign of attraction.BBC: Flirting and Body Language
- Pointing. A person will subconsciously point toward the person he or she is interested in either with the hands, feet, legs, fingers or toes.BBC: Flirting and Body Language
- Preening. This can be adjusting a tie, cleaning eye glasses, smoothing out clothing or a similar action.BBW Magazine: Between the Lines: Take the Guesswork out of Attraction
- Dilated pupils.BBW Magazine: Between the Lines: Take the Guesswork out of Attraction
- Leaning forward.Online Dating Magazine: The Affects of Body Language Leaning not only shows you would like to be closer to the other person, but it also tests to see if he or she leans closer or leans back—indicating if he or she also wants to get closer.
- Display body parts. When attracted, a person will display parts of his or her body by thrusting them forward, wiggling or similar action. This can be the chest area, wrists, neck, bottom, legs or groin area.Psychology Today: The Biology of Attraction (March 1, 1993)
- Simulated sexual activities. A person will act out activities that he or she wants to do to someone that he or she is attract to. This can be done with the body or with another object. Examples include stroking a glass, licking their lips or rolling a cigarette.Psychology Today: The Biology of Attraction (March 1, 1993)
- Crossing the legs toward you.BBW Magazine: Between the Lines: Take the Guesswork out of Attraction
- Gazing.BBW Magazine: Between the Lines: Take the Guesswork out of Attraction
- Mirroring.Psychology Today: Make a Great Impression (May/June 2004) When two people get along well, they will begin to mirror, or mimic, each other's actions. This can include arm and leg movement, breathing, speech pattern, emotions and gestures.
- Expert Village: How to Flirt with Body Language (Time 2:13)
Evaluating
- When a person is trying to make a decision or judging a situation, his or her body will indicate it through various gestures. These gestures can include:
- Stroking part of the face, such as the chin.Coping.org: Nonverbal Communication Issues
- Scratching the back of the head or neck.Marc and Angel Hack Life: 25 Acts of Body Language to Avoid (July 7, 2008)
- Wrinkling the nose.Coping.org: Nonverbal Communication Issues
- Narrowing of the eyes. This is usually a sign that that a person does not like the idea, but can be reflexive action when someone is thinking.Marc and Angel Hack Life: 25 Acts of Body Language to Avoid (July 7, 2008)
- Pursing lips.Center for Nonverbal Studies: Tense Mouth
- Tilting or scratching the head.Coping.org: Nonverbal Communication Issues
Nervousness and Anxiety
- Nervousness and anxiety are uncomfortable emotions, and people naturally look for ways to relieve this discomfort either by expending nervous energy or distracting themselves from the feeling. As a result, a nervous person may exhibit some of the following the signs:
- Rapid blink rate. Rapid blinking can also indicate interest or an eye disorder.Coping.org: Nonverbal Communication Issues
- Clearing throat.Montgomery Public School System: Body Language
- Wringing hands together.Emurse: A Quick Guide to Body Language (June 21, 2007)
- Fidgeting.Marc and Angel Hack Life: 25 Acts of Body Language to Avoid (July 7, 2008)
- Adjusting the collar of his/her shirt.Marc and Angel Hack Life: 25 Acts of Body Language to Avoid (July 7, 2008)
- Sweating, especially sweaty hands.Forbes.com: Ten Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying to You (November 3, 2006)
- Muscle tension. This can be seen through areas such as clenched jaw, elbows drawn into the side, jerks or similar actions.Coping.org: Nonverbal Communication Issues
- Defensive behaviors such as crossing arms across the body or darting eyes .Marc and Angel Hack Life: 25 Acts of Body Language to Avoid (July 7, 2008) Emurse: A Quick Guide to Body Language (June 21, 2007)
- Fidgeting.Forbes.com: Ten Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying to You (November 3, 2006)
- Massaging temples.Emurse: A Quick Guide to Body Language (June 21, 2007)
Aggression and Anger
- When expressed, anger and aggression are easy to spot. When repressed, a person must look for more subtle signs of how the person is feeling. A few examples of these behaviors include:
- Clenched fist.Emurse: A Quick Guide to Body Language (June 21, 2007)
- Hands on hips with feet spread apart.Emurse: A Quick Guide to Body Language (June 21, 2007)
- Narrowing the eyes. This can also occur when someone is thinking.Marc and Angel Hack Life: 25 Acts of Body Language to Avoid (July 7, 2008)
- Frowning or barring teeth in a snarl.Center for Nonverbal Studies: Anger
Dominance and Power
- Dominance is similar to aggression and anger, without the emotion. When you try to dominate someone, you are trying to gain power. This is usually done by making the body appear larger and taking up more space.Center for Nonverbal Studies: Dominance Example include:
- Striding briskly.Center for Nonverbal Studies: Dominance
- Hands on the hips, especially in conjunction with the feet being spread apart.Marc and Angel Hack Life: 25 Acts of Body Language to Avoid (July 7, 2008)
- Narrowing the eyes. This can also indicate anger or occur when someone is thinking.Marc and Angel Hack Life: 25 Acts of Body Language to Avoid (July 7, 2008)
- Raising the eyebrows.Center for Nonverbal Studies: Dominance
- Clasping hands behind the head.Emurse: A Quick Guide to Body Language (June 21, 2007)
- Expert Village: How to Appear Powerful with Body Language (Time: 1:51)