When it comes to controversies in the parenting arena, perhaps none is more contentiously debated than the question of whether or not to spank. Spanking refers to a type of corporal punishment in which a parent or caregiver strikes a child on the bottom, either with a hand or an object, as a means to correct behavior. The level of intensity used in spanking varies from parent to parent.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics Policy Statement “Guidance for Effective Discipline,” spanking is an ineffective and potentially harmful method of discipline. Current research points to a link between spanking and childhood aggression, an altered parent-child relationship, and long term anger. Moreover, spanking carries with it the potential for abuse. http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;101/4/723 A 2009 study revealed that there may be a link between spanking and lower IQ scores.http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/09/090924231749.htm The AAP recommends that spanking should, in most cases, be replaced with alternative forms of discipline.http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;101/4/723

Parents who were raised in a generation in which spanking was tolerated and even encouraged may find themselves unsure of how to effectively discipline their children. Alternatives to spanking do exist, and parents will find, in most cases, that they are healthier and more effective than corporal punishment.http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;101/4/723 These alternative disciplinary measures require a parent who is willing to build a loving relationship with his or her child, make a plan for discipline, and carry it out consistently. Parenting websites, such as this parenting resource, will help you to make such a plan and be the parent you want to be.

Before a parent can expect to raise a child who is well-behaved, kind, and respectful, they must first create a solid foundation of love and trust. Building that kind of secure relationship creates a child who respects his parents and seeks their approval. These building blocks also ensure you will raise a child with a strong, positive self esteem. To quote the AAP, “…the best educators of children are people who are good role models and about whom children care enough to want to imitate and please.”http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;101/4/723

So, how does a conscientious parent go about building that secure and loving relationship? The answer can be found in consistent and frequent positive interactions between parent and child. There is no substitute for true caring and regard, and this takes time. Here are some easy ways to build your relationship with your child.

1. Talk to your children every day.
2. Touch, kiss, hug, and hold your children daily, even as they get older.
3. Display genuine interest in their lives. Ask about their friends, teachers, hobbies, and hopes, and show real interest in their answers.
4. Avoid yelling, name-calling, and shaming. Make sure your children know that while their behavior may be unacceptable at times, they will always be accepted by you.

If these practices prove difficult for you, parenting courses may help you to realign your day-today parenting techniques and state of mind.

An effective parent is a prepared parent. Often parents resort to spanking because they don’t know what else to do in a particular situation. They become frustrated and angry with the misbehavior of their children and spank them as a means of releasing that anger. While the emotions are normal and very understandable, the action does more harm than good and only serves to perpetuate the problem, both with the parent and the child. http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T062100.asp

The key to avoiding a situation such as this and keeping your cool is knowing ahead of time which consequences you will apply to the types of misbehaviors most parents encounter. The only way to know ahead of time is to make a plan.

Planning ahead will take some time and some energy, but it is time well spent. Sit down with your partner and make a list of behaviors which commonly cause you to resort to spanking. Strategize together about each behavior and agree on a consequence to use instead. If you are a single parent, you can still plan ahead. Either sit down alone or invite a friend or counselor to help you brainstorm until you have a list that seems effective and easy to follow. ‘’’Once the list is made, refer to it often and revise, as needed.’’’

For parents with older children, a family meeting can be a powerful and effective way to plan ahead in terms of discipline. Discussing problem behaviors as a group allows children to feel unified with parents on finding solutions. Allowing children to help set up the consequences for bad behavior makes those consequences especially meaningful. Family meetings can be held weekly and should include fun planning along with the more serious planning. http://www.familyeducationcenter.com/Fmeetings.htm

This last step in the process should be much easier now that you’ve made your plan. However, a plan without a commitment will never lead to success. It’s time to take spanking out of your parenting tool belt and replace it with plenty of alternatives. Here’s a short list of some effective discipline tools.

1. Time out. Time out involves taking the child out of the situation to give both parent and child an opportunity to calm down and think about what happened. To be effective, parents should explain exactly why they are placing the child in time out before doing so and should let the child know how long the time out will last. http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/go/information/get-info/strengthening-families/effective-discipline-techniques-for-parents-alternatives-to-spanking/effective-discipline-techniques-for-parents-alternatives-to-spankingThe time out area should be free of any objects or activities the child will find fun or enjoyable, as this will only reinforce the negative behavior.
2. Charts and rewards. When dealing with a particularly stubborn behavior, it is often effective to track the child’s progress and reward it accordingly. Charts take the emphasis off the bad behavior and encourage the good. http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/go/information/get-info/strengthening-families/effective-discipline-techniques-for-parents-alternatives-to-spanking/effective-discipline-techniques-for-parents-alternatives-to-spanking To be effective, discipline must not only teach children which behaviors are undesirable, but which behaviors are desirable. http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;101/4/723
3. Removal of privileges. If you know what motivates your child, you will know how to effectively discipline your child. If your son especially enjoys playing on his game system, then removal of the game system will have an impact and cause him to work hard to get it back. If your daughter has a particular show she loves to watch, losing TV privileges will be meaningful to her. http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;101/4/723
4. Natural consequences. Sometimes, no parent imposed consequence is necessary for learning to occur. For instance, if your child throws a tantrum and breaks her toy, she must now live with the consequence of no longer having that toy to play with. There is no need for punishment in this instance, only gentle teaching to help the child understand how her actions led to the consequence she faces. Natural consequences are extremely effective teaching tools and should be used whenever possible. http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;101/4/723