How to Propose to Your Partner


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  • You've decided that it's time to commit to your partner. With our guide How to Propose to Your Partner, you'll have all the information you need to craft the perfect proposal.

  • Introduction

    • As states continue to fight for legislation allowing same sex couples to marry or enter into legal partnerships garnering equal rights, more people than ever are popping the question. Whether a commitment ceremony or a full-fledged church wedding is in the offing, everyone starts with those four fateful words, "Will you marry me?". How you propose and the thought you put into asking your soulmate to commit to you will make a difference. Read on to learn the few simple steps to a successful proposal.

  • Step 1: Before You Propose

    • Marriage and what it means is a personal choice. Before you propose to your loved one, be sure you are in sync regarding your opinions of marriage and whether or not the current same sex marriage climate is one you are comfortable in.
    1. Evaluate what you think your partner's response to your proposal would be: elation, concern, utter shock?
    2. If his or her answer is iffy in your mind, it might be best to take a step back and be sure to have a conversation about marriage and its meaning.
    3. Some couples have strongly resisted marriage, despite recent legislation providing equal rights for same sex couples who marry, while others have been inspired to tie the knot because of such legislation.
    4. Discuss your feelings about marriage long before you get down on one knee. It's good to have a conversation about what you both expect out of marriage to make sure you are on the same page. Have you discussed the possibility of children? Changing your name(s)? Where you will live, etc.?
    5. Depending on where you live, you'll need to determine what state is the right place to marry, or if you should look into a domestic partnership or civil union.
    6. Remember your partner may have strong feelings about marriage rights and may not want to marry until everyone is allowed to do so in this country.

  • Step 2: Start Brainstorming

    • Asking someone to commit to marriage is perhaps the biggest question you'll utter in life. Make sure the details show how much you care.
    1. First, think carefully about the places that are special to your partner or to your relationship. Consider:
      1. Where was your first date?
      2. What is his or her favorite place?
      3. Is there a place you've always wanted to visit together?
      4. Would a destination proposal be a terrific surprise getaway?
      5. What about a romantic hike? A day at the beach? Sunset overlooking your favorite vista? A picnic in your neighborhood park?
      6. Is there a restaurant you have enjoyed together?
      7. What about tickets to an upcoming show or sporting event to start off the evening?
    2. Then consider the logistics of these ideas. What is your budget? Do you both have the time to take off on a trip?
    3. Also consider your timeline: if you know you both want a summer wedding, you'll need to pop the question at least several months in advance to have enough time to plan everything. If you are determined to propose on a particular holiday, start planning now so that you aren't desperate for a ring to arrive or another detail to fall into place at the last minute.
    4. Keep in mind that this proposal is about your partner's idea of the perfect proposal, not yours. While you may have envisioned a hot air balloon ride, if you know your partner is afraid of heights, that plan has to go. An important part of your proposal is proving how well you know your partner and what he or she would appreciate.
    5. Remember that a simple proposal can have the most meaning (and you're not distracted when the string quartet you've hired doesn't show up). Whether you're at home sharing a bottle of wine or at the chicest new restaurant won't matter as long as your intention is true and you've gone to the effort to prove as much.

  • Step 3: Make a Plan

    • It's time to set your proposal in motion.

  • When to Propose

    1. First, decide when to propose:
        • Your partner's birthday?
        • Your anniversary?
        • The anniversary of your first date?
        • Valentine's Day?
        • New Year's Eve?
        • The date of your city's gay pride parade?

  • Will You Propose with a Ring?

    • While couples have varying ideas about rings and their symbolism, you'll need to decide if you will use a ring to propose.
    1. If you are going to use a traditional engagement ring for your proposal, check out Mahalo's guide to How to Buy an Engagement Ring.
    2. You might also consider choosing wedding rings together before your ceremony, and skip the engagement ring.
    3. You could purchase rings for both of you to serve as symbols of your engagement or go together to pick out engagement rings after your proposal.
    4. Or, perhaps another gift would better represent your intention to marry. You could get matching bracelets, necklaces, or any number of other things unifying the two of you. You could surprise your partner with a trip after your proposal, as opposed to engineering a destination proposal. Once she says yes, whisk her away for the weekend to luxuriate in your new status.
    5. Carefully consider your partner's interests and choose an appropriate gift. This could be anything from a painting to a new motorcycle to naming a star after him.

  • Will You Include Family and Friends?

    • Do you want close friends and/or family surrounding you for the big moment?
    1. Decide whether or not your partner (and you) want to share this special moment or keep it all to yourselves.
    2. You could also celebrate afterwards with family and friends and keep the proposal private. If you will have friends and family join you shortly after your proposal, be sure to plan all those details. Do you need to make a group reservation at a favorite restaurant? Arrange to rent extra glassware to accommodate all those soon to be toasting you?

  • The Logistics

    1. If your proposal involves dinner reservations, make them well in advance. Consider altering the maitre 'd to your plans so you can secure a better table, or have champagne chilling ahead of time.
    2. If you will be taking a trip, book whatever reservations are necessary. Check with your partner's workplace to be sure he can take the time off and doesn't have any pressing deadlines upon your return.
    3. Consider enlisting a friend if you need help with an extensive plan. A pal can always sneak into your apartment and set up candles and flowers if you plan to propose on a romantic walk outdoors before returning home.

  • Decide Where to Marry

    • You may wish to look into your options for marriage now, too, as this info could factor into your proposal (e.g., I can't wait for our vacation to Vermont next summer, and I thought it might be the perfect time and place for us to tie the knot.).
    1. Currently, Massachusetts allows equal right same sex marriage. And Rhode Island will recognize a legal marriage performed in another state.
    2. See the National Conference of State Legislatures's regular updates on what states offer what rights to determine exactly what marriage or a civil union will grant you in your state.
    3. And don't forget the Magic Kingdom, which performs fairy tale-style commitment ceremonies in addition to vow renewals.

  • Step 4: Pop the Question!

    • It's time for those four important words: Will you marry me?!?
    1. Whether you prefer to balk tradition or not, getting down on one knee is still a romantic gesture that can be highly swoon-worthy!
    2. Take the time to tell your partner how you feel about him or her and why you want to spend the rest of your life with him or her.
    3. You could also try writing a poem or song to express how you feel about your partner before popping the question.
    4. Don't rush the question; this is the time to make your partner understand your feelings and your desire to commit to him or her.
    5. Do say the words "Will you marry me?".
    6. And do be prepared for your partner to want a little time to think about your proposal. This is a pretty major moment, and if you've truly surprised him or her, he or she may need a moment to contemplate your question.
    7. Once you hear that resounding yes, it's time to celebrate! And it's time to start wedding planning.

 


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