Whether you are planning a formal church funeral or a less formal memorial service, there are many logistical and content-related details you will need to consider.
How to Plan a Memorial Service will walk you through the process of pulling together a memorial service for a loved one who has passed.
Whether you are planning a formal church funeral or a less formal memorial service, there are many logistical and content-related details you will need to consider.
How to Plan a Memorial Service will walk you through the process of pulling together a memorial service for a loved one who has passed. </note>
How to Plan a Memorial Service

- Once arrangements have been made for the disposition of the body, you will need to plan the content of the actual funeral or memorial service. You can be as involved with the preparation of the service as you wish. Funerals are typically more formal and dictated by religious rites. Memorial services are more personalized and open-ended. The funeral home you are working with can provide the space, flowers and officiant if you wish. Or, you can take matters into your own hands.
- Regardless of which route you choose, you will need to to do the following:
- Select a Date and Location: Typically the date of a viewing or funeral is set in accordance with religious law or the availability of the funeral home, church or synagogue. However, memorial services can be held at any time in just about any location. Take the availability of close family members and friends into consideration when setting a date.
- Find an Officiant: If the deceased was a member of a religious congregation, you may already know who the service's officiant will be. If you don't know where to start, a funeral director can help you find a celebrant. Keep in mind some religious leaders may not "charge" for their services, but an unofficial honorarium of anywhere from $100-$250 is typically expected.
- Set Up a Memorial Fund: A memorial fund can be set up in the name of the deceased in order to accept donations from mourners for the deceased's favorite charity or the deceased's family.
- Place an Obituary and Invite Guests: If you are working with a funeral director, he or she will help you place an obituary stating the time of the viewing, funeral or memorial service. If you are not, you should plan on placing an obituary yourself. Guests should otherwise be notified of the service by a phone call or email. It's a good idea to appoint a couple of people other than yourself to contact the deceased's friends and family members. People belong to so many fragmented social circles that you'll need all the help you can get to reach everyone affected by your loved one's death.
- Select Pallbearers: While a funeral home can provide pallbearer services, you may want to appoint six family members or friends to act as pallbearers. Pallbearers carry the casket to and from the hearse and site of the service or burial.
- Ask Someone to Give a Eulogy: A eulogy is an oral remembrance of the deceased delivered by a friend or family member. You may want to ask more than one person to deliver a eulogy. Eulogies are typically kept to 3-5 minutes in length. You may also choose to include an "open mic" portion in the service during which any of the attendees can come up and deliver a remembrance.
- Ask Family Members and Friends to Participate in the Service: You will need friends and family members to participate in other parts of the service as readers, musicians or ushers.
- Create Printed Programs: The funeral home or the location's funeral coordinator will typically help you plan and create a printed funeral program, but you will want to have some kind of memorial card or program for the service's attendees.
- Choose the Music and Readings: Funeral and memorial services typically consist of several readings and songs that reflect the life of the deceased and the occasion. You can use live musicians or a recording, and you can choose popular funeral poems like W.H. Auden's Funeral Blues or something more personal.
- Choose Flowers: If you are working with a funeral home, they can help you identify vendors and choose floral arrangements. Otherwise, you can work with a local florist. Flowers are not a necessary part of the service.
- Select Food and Refreshments: If you plan on having a reception following the service or a full-blown wake, you will need to put someone in charge of finding a location for the gathering and selecting refreshments.
- Create a Memorial Display: Some mourners like to set up some kind of memorial display both to commemorate the deceased and give service attendees a means of participating in the service. A memorial display might include photographs and items that symbolize the deceased's hobbies and accomplishments. The display might also include cards that guests can write memories of the deceased on for the family.
Resources for How to Plan a Memorial Service
Federal Trade Commission: Funerals: A Consumer Guide
Federal Trade Commission: Paying Final Respects: Your Rights When Buying Funeral Goods & Services
International Cemetery and Funeral Association: Consumer Resource Guide
AARP: Funeral Arrangements and Memorial Services - Final Details: A Checklist
VideoJug: Funeral Planning Videos
MSN Money: How to Plan an $800 Funeral
MSN Money: Steps You Must Take When Someone Dies
Colorado Bar Association: What to Do When Someone Dies
Green Burial Council: Frequently Asked Questions
The Neptune Society: Frequently Asked Questions
