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Like a marriage, a commitment ceremony can be time-consuming and stressful. How to Plan a Commitment Ceremony shows you how to plan a day you'll remember forever.
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Commitment Ceremony Tips
- Know your budget and who's paying for what.
- Find gay-friendly businesses and places. There are chances you will face discrimination, but don't let that detract from your day.
- Whether or not you want to invite non-supportive family and friends is entirely your decision. Discuss it with your partner.
- As soon as you begin the planning, start making a list of all you'll need to do.
- Don't forget to enjoy. This is your day of celebration. Make the most of it.
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Introduction
- For some couples and in some countries, there's marriage. For others, there's the commitment ceremony. Call it what you want-- marriage or commitment ceremony, it's a time to celebrate. And plan!
- It may seem like a commitment ceremony would be easier to put together, but it does in fact, take as much time to plan a commitment ceremony as it does to plan a wedding.About.com: Gay Marriage & Commitment Ceremony Planner
- A few things to note:
- Gay and lesbian couples, do face extra challenges with the planning, especially in regards to legislation and social acceptance.
- While some states do allow same sex couples to marry with the same benefits and rights as heterosexual couples, you need to know what the law is in your state and how it can benefit you.Love to Know Weddings: Same Sex Wedding Ceremonies
- Don't let that take away from your special day. Once you've figured out the details, it's time to start planning the fun part.
- On average, a typical ceremony can take between 10 to 12 months to plan.About.com: Gay Marriage & Commitment Ceremony Planner
- But keep in mind that those are just a couple of common challenges-- not obstacles. If you plan accordingly, arranging the perfect commitment ceremony for you and your partner will be both fulfilling and worry-free! We'll show you how.
Step 1: Decide What Kind of Ceremony You Want
- Planning a same-sex ceremony can be as exhausting and stressful as planning a wedding, so you need to approach it with care and caution. In addition to problems of budget and what to wear, the folks at LovetoKnow caution that you could be faced with discrimination from vendors or conflicts within the family.Love to Know Weddings: Same Sex Wedding Ceremonies
- This will probably be a factor in determining the kind of ceremony you want to have, and who'll be attending. Some of the things you need to keep in consideration:
Religion
- Although your ceremony doesn't necessarily have to be religiously themed, it easily be if both people are interested. Talk it over with your partner to decide if there will be religious undertones for your ceremony.Love to Know Weddings: Same Sex Wedding Ceremonies
Walking down the Aisle
- Who'll be walking down the aisle? Some same-sex couples like to walk down the aisle together, others prefer to have one partner waiting, and another alternative arrangement is to have two aisles meeting at the alter.Gay Weddings - Lesbian Weddings: Ceremony Basics: Non-Traditional Ways to Walk Down the Aisle?
Legalities
- Depending on your country and state, you may have several options. You might be able to have a full marriage, a civil union, a domestic partnership, or a commitment ceremony. See what the options available to you are, and which of those you're most comfortable with.About.com: Gay Marriage & Commitment Ceremony Planner
Guest list size
- Think about who you'd like to invite and how big the ceremony will be. Maybe you want to exchange gifts and rings. You could also choose between having an informal party or a full-blown celebration.Blackburn: Commitment ceremonies
Attire
- What you wear really comes down to what you and your partner are comfortable with. If you prefer a traditional gown or veil or a tuxedo, that's your choice. If there's something else you're more comfortable with, do so. There is no set standard.Elegala.com: Gay Marriage - How to Plan Same-sex Weddings
Location
There are so many locations you can choose from. Say your vows outdoors, as suggested on Gay Weddings By the Knot. They suggest that you have your guests stand around you in a horseshoe shape while you say "I do" in a beautiful garden, mountainside, or near the water. If you decide to go for an indoor ceremony however, make sure you're at a gay-friendly location. Some churches will perform same-sex ceremonies as well, so don't give up without trying if that's what you want.Rings
- Gay couples sometimes prefer to wear their commitment rings on their right hands instead of the traditional left. No matter which way you decide to go, traditional, non-traditional, rings or no-rings, discuss it with your partner so that you're both comfortable with the idea. You may already have exchanged rings, in which case you could simply reenact the exchange with a few special words.Gay Weddings: Any Creative Ceremony Site Suggestions?
Step 2: Take Care of the Logistics
- The two things you need to keep in consideration when planning the ceremony are: Itinerary and Budget. Here's a primer on what you need to keep in consideration.
Itinerary
- A ceremony will typically last at least five hours, so you might want to know what's happening when, where, and how beforehand in order to plan correctly. Make a list of the events. Here are some things to get you started.About.com: Gay Marriage & Commitment Ceremony Planner
- Wedding vows. Will you write your own?
- Photography. Don't forget to schedule some time for the photos.About.com: Gay Marriage & Commitment Ceremony Planner
- Greeting. Personalize it.
- Music or readings. If you're not having a religious ceremony, you can have readings or music about love.
- Reception: You can have a formal or an informal reception, depending on your choice and budget. (5)
Budget
- Make sure to discuss with your partner how much you're budgeting for the wedding, and who's paying. Take into account the following: Elegala.com: Gay Marriage - How to Plan Same-sex Weddings
- Number of guests
- Entertainment/Music
- Rings
- Attire
- Transportation
- Flowers
- Invitations
- Reception Hall and Catering
- Cake
- Honeymoon
Step 3: Invite Family and Friends
- This is usually something most heterosexual couples with not have to think about, but unfortunately, same-sex couples do.
- Your marriage, commitment-ceremony or civil union is important to you, and you'd ideally like to involve your friends and family in your joy. Here are some things to think about.
How will you make the announcement?
- There are many ways in which you can announce your big day.
- Elegala.com suggests that while telling your parents first is the traditional way to do it, you might want to tell those who're the most supportive of your relationship.Elegala.com: Gay Marriage - How to Plan Same-sex Weddings
- This may be especially true if your family hasn't been understanding about your relationship.
Should you invite non-supportive family members?
- This is a tough question, and will really depend on how you and your partner feel and where those relationships currently stand. There are a few tips to keep in mind when you're deciding:
- If you would like people to attend but don't know how they'd feel, send the invite and let them make the decision.
- Some couples decide they want to celebrate their love and don't want people who will be or make them uncomfortable.Gay Weddings: Should We Invite Unsupportive Friends or Family to the Wedding?
- Others choose to have family and friends over anyway.
- Most importantly, remember to do what feels right for both of you.
How to Avoid Hurt?
- There are times when people will not only not support your decision, but be very vocal in how they choose to respond.
- Don't take it personally. This is your day, your chance to celebrate your love, and you want to be surrounded by people who love and support you.Gay Weddings: How to Deal with Unsupportive Parents
- You can't control the way other people will react, but you can focus on the joy and happiness that having this ceremony with your partner brings you.
Conclusion
- It's here, so relax! Once the day of the ceremony arrives, there are only two things you need to do:
- A marriage or a commitment ceremony can be riddled with problems. What makes it tougher for same-sex couples is that sometimes discrimination and lack of support can make the planning a little bit harder.
- Remember, the day is yours and the joy and love you share with your partner is yours to keep. So plan, have fun, and express your love.
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