Going out to a restaurant with a child of any age does not have to be a struggle or embarrassment. Every child has the ability to behave well and conduct themselves politely even when hungry and waiting for a meal in a restaurant full of messy substances, fragile glassware, and sharp utensils. It is important to remember, when considering or facing this task that every child is different, attention spans and personalities vary by child, and the age and maturity of the child may be critical to success in this endeavor.

Critical to a child’s behavior in a restaurant is the attention given by a parent and the behavior and distractions in the immediate area. It is common for children to mimic the behavior of others around them so if the table full of children in the next booth over is crying, carrying on, or running wild in the restaurant, it is not out of the ordinary that your child will desire to do the same. As the adult at the table, it becomes your mission to see that the child can maintain good behavior in spite of the surroundings. At early ages, this may be done through avoidance and trying to arrange for circumstances which are more successful, while with an older child this may be the point of teaching and reemphasizing what is expected. It’s a continual, gradual, process which grows along with the child.

Most important when dealing with very young children and new experiences, is to choose the time of day that works best for them as well as presents a good time of day in the restaurant. Dining at a restaurant’s busiest time is not advisable when eating with children because there will almost always be a food or service delay. Delays create more time for dealing with an impatient child and should be avoided until the child has had the chance to learn to adapt to eating out. Time of day in the child’s schedule is important. Trying to get a sleepy or tired child to behave in the restaurant is a difficult task even for children who normally are well behaved in public. Parents know what time of the day is best for the child, and planning a restaurant outing for those times will make dining out more pleasant. If the time of day is not the best for the child, and temptations for inappropriate behavior may be increased, plan ahead for ways to improve the tough situation using the remaining steps.

One of the key factors in your child’s overall behavior at the restaurant will be whether they are excited to be going or not. If the child likes the place being visited, keeping them entertained and busy while waiting for food is much easier. Kid-friendly restaurants offering a good child’s menu and activities for the wait period are better choices than a fine dining restaurant.

If you are able to make the choice of restaurant yourself, review the menu ahead of time to be sure your picky eater will not go into a meltdown over the food choices. Battling the wait period, sitting in a strange chair, and dealing with an unliked food is a recipe for behavior disaster. Averting as many issues as possible helps to focus on teaching good behavior on others.

Choosing a seating location in the restaurant which allows the child to sit beside you is best. A booth works better for helping a child cope with the changed environment because it removes the temptations like leaning a chair backwards to turn over. Choosing a booth away from distractions like a large group of other children, or a video game will help to focus the child on what is going on at your table.

If your home dining routine includes having your children tell a story about their day, continue it at the restaurant. Structure is important to the child. Doing this while waiting on the food helps to pass the time. Teaching manners at the home table, gives the opportunity to reemphasize them at the restaurant table. Gentle reminders of chewing with the mouth closed, and not reaching across the table for food are best rather than criticizing the child. By praising the things they have remembered to do correctly, it also gives the opportunity to remind them of things they may have forgotten.

Parents can use the dining experience to teach more behavior lessons,. like using an inside voice, by making the table time into a game of sorts. Explain to the children that the conversations are your table is secret to your own group and not to be shared with others.

It may seem like bribery, or it may seem like something you should not have to do but making a restaurant meal a special event with a treat can entice good behavior. A reward for good behavior or an incentive can help to make the event more special. However, these rewards must be adhered to from both the positive and negative sense. Parents may promise a treat at the end of a successful meal but must be prepared to not allow it if behavior was unacceptable. Parents must also follow through and provide the reward if behavior was good. Don’t promise something which cannot be accomplished as a reward soon after the good behavior or the child will believe you did not uphold your end of the bargain. Rewards should be commensurate with the accomplishment. Talking in an appropriate voice or not leaving the table without an adult doesn’t merit a major purchase of an item. Rewards should be similar in context to whatever reward system you allow at home. A dessert after the meal, an extra 15 minutes extension to bed time, a chance to play a video game at the restaurant are all possible choices.

Allowing the child to have a toy at the table for wait time helps to make good behavior choices easy if the child can put the toy away when the meal arrives. For children who have issues with putting the toy away, consider either telling a story at the table or reading a favorite book to pass the time. Making the child aware of what will be happening next helps to encourage good behavior. For instance, explaining ahead of time that you’ll choose the food, and then read a story while someone cooks it gives them the notice there will be a story without just saying they have to wait for something. Information presented early and reminded often helps them to form an understanding of what will be going on and what will be expected of them.

For those occasions when a child’s behavior simply cannot be brought under control, be prepared to leave the restaurant. This may mean one parent leaving and sitting in the car to wait while the other pays the bill and gets the food to go. This should be used as a last resort but used in order to not disrupt the meals of everyone else. Leaving because of bad behavior should not be viewed by the child as having gotten his or her way. It should be a negative experience where the child will remember that next time whatever behavior prompted the departure should be avoided.

Knowing how to parent is not easy. It is a lesson by lesson learning experience. It is one parents relearn with each new child but every step of the way is worth the time spent with the child in teaching them new things they will use as they grow into healthy happy civil adults.