How to Flirt in Japanese

Introduction

The term for flirting in Japanese is called "nanpa" or "nampa", although there is a negative connotation surrounding this word, as it generally means "girl hunting". Unlike the English equivalent, nanpa is strict a guy's act; in the considerably rarer case when a girl does nanpa, it's called gyakunan, or reverse nanpa.http://www.quirkyjapan.or.tv/nampa1.htm

Probably because of the negative image surrounding the term nanpa, the English word "flirting" can also be ill-received and misinterpreted to mean strictly "sex", or the pursuit of such. This article focuses on generic interpretation of "flirting" as a way to show interest and applies that concept towards initiating a more wholesome relationship with a traditional Japanese woman or man.

How to Flirt in Japanese

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How to flirt in Japanese

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Step 1: Understanding Cultural Differences

Before proceeding, it is important to understand the cultural differences between Japan and other cultures, for example America. If one can imagine the American dating scene in the 50s, one might get a better understanding of the point of view most Japanese have. This is not to say Japan is backwards: this is just to illustrate the mindset. The dating scene is a serious endeavor and not treated with near the same casualness that it is in America.

This seriousness makes the dating scene even more stressful, and thus breeds shyness towards male/female interactions. This may also explain some Japanese guys' reverence towards nanpa practitioners, as people who step well beyond their own perceived limitations. It should also be noted that the younger generation is becoming much more liberal, so these traditional conventions may not adamantly hold true among the younger crowd.

Another difference, which is common among many cultures, is prolonged eye contact is considered rude. Americans love eye contact, but Japanese do not. Conversations normally proceed with each party looking in entirely different directions, to avoid insulting the other party or being perceived as aggressive.http://www.wa-pedia.com/culture/japanese_manners_etiquette.shtml

Step 2: Breaking the Language Barrier

If one is reading an article on "How to Flirt in Japanese", then this author has to assume the focus is on the Japanese aspect, which implies a potential lack of fluency. That's fine. As in English, flirting is a complicated and dynamic exchange, the nuances of such will be lost to a user of set phrases and guidebooks. Therefore, it is recommended that one, lacking in a strong grasp of the Japanese language, focus on other strengths: notably body language and ironically one's lack of Japanese fluency.http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.html

As long as one knows a few phrases, one has an "in". In fact, it's arguably easier to approach someone when one does NOT have an understanding of the language, because you can proceed under the guise of practicing one's Japanese. Furthermore, one already has a topic at hand: one's fumbling of the language...laughing at oneself is a great tension breaker, and the recipient sees a genuine attempt and may actually try to help in the flirting, even if they don't realize that's what they're doing. Below are a few lines that can help initiate an encounter. Check out the resources section for a guide in pronunciation.

Jikan aru? - Got a minute?

Futari-de kiteru-no? - Did you two come here by yourselves?

Issho-ni nomanai? - Shall we drink together (effective only if you're being checked out)

Koto dare-ka suwatteru? - Is someone sitting here?

Suwatte-mo ii? - May I sit down?

Namae nante iu-no? - What's your name? (or formally, O-namae wa nan desu ka? or less formally, O-namae wa?)

Anata-wa tomemo kirei desu - You are very pretty

Aishiteru. - I love you (probably not a pick up line, but everyone wants to know how to say it.) Geers, T. & Geers E.. 1988. "Making out in Japanese." Charles E. Tuttle, Inc. Tokyo, Japan.

Step 3: Decoding Body Language

Subtle, subconscious body language and posturing is virtually universal, but there are also immense differences in how one addresses an object of interest. Remember that flirting for most Japanese is stressful, which results in greater shyness and sometimes avoidance. Contrary to our interpretation, a Japanese man/woman may ignore the object of his/her desires almost completely. If one notices a complete lack of attention from a Japanese man/woman, even when that person is generally gregarious, then that does not necessarily mean you've lost favor, possibly quite the contrary.

As mentioned before, prolonged eye contact is considered insulting, but eye contact is still the primary indicator of interest, much like it is in most cultures. However, how this translates is different. Rather than a prolonged gaze, one may experience or use a more frequent series a looks immediately followed with glancing down and away. In America, this is considered somewhat weak, but in Japan, it is the norm.

Step 4: Showing Interest

Another difference is attitude. In America, confidence, even bordering on arrogance, goes a long ways towards winning the heart of a woman. In Japan, arrogance and even over-bearing humor will likely turn the object of one's affection away. Confidence and humor are still universally important, but one is more likely to win someone over with good etiquette, which is very important in Japanese culture, and showing genuine concern for the other person. If done properly, one's interest will quickly and favorably be noticed.

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