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This page is more cautionary than educational. While you should never drive like a moron on purpose, it is helpful to know how driving like a moron is generally defined by other people. Knowing what your fellow drivers do not appreciate can make you safer and more courteous. Read on to learn how to drive like a moron.
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Tips
- Make sure to break your $50 and $100 bills at toll boothshttp://www.doggiesnot.com/morhi.htm
- Car pool lanes are specifically designed for individual drivers who are late for business meetings
- To add some extra excitment to the recommendations above, perform your maneuvers with child or small pet on your laphttp://www.doggiesnot.com/morgen.htm
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Driving Hands-Free
This humorous video covers just a few of the tasks morons can accomplish as they drive. Without giving away too many specifics, this video shows you how to have lunch, prepare for a vacation, organize, write, clean, and get ready for your day as you make the most of your driving "downtime."
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Step 1: Resist the Flow of Traffic
To drive like a moron, make sure the rational decision making processes of other drivers don't get in the way of you doing whatever you want. On clear days, drive well below the speed limit.http://www.doggiesnot.com/morgen.htm Complaining about, swearing at, or making inappropriate gestures towards "speeding" drivers going 5 MPH over the limit is encouraged. However, when it begins to rain or snow, make sure to increase your speed and decrease your following distance. Doing what other people do is boring. -
Step 2: Don't Signal, Don't be Predictable
Signaling is more than just a waste of brain power and effort. It also helps others anticipate your next move, something they have no right to be doing. Who do they think they are, fortune tellers? You'll change lanes whenever you're darn ready. For an added surprise, change two at a time. This is especially entertaining when someone in the left lane isn't going as fast as you. Simply borrow that open path two or three lanes over to the right and blow by. Problem solved. -
Step 3: Be Distracted
When driving, you can come up with all sorts of exciting things to do. Try talking on your cell phone (leave the Bluetooth earpiece at home)http://www.ehow.com/how_2240314_drive-like-moron.html, eating with cutlery, knitting, text messaging, or even starting a serious argument with one of your passengers. Driving is down time. You're a busy person, right? Take this opportunity to get things done! If your car is short on entertainment, you'll have to make use of what's available to you. Try flashing your lights. How much will your car slow down if you put it in neutral? -
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