How to Dine Out and Not Embarrass Yourself

How to Dine Out and Not Embarrass Yourself contains the major Dos and Dont's that will move you out of the inexperienced crowd and into the realm of the truly professional diner.

How to Dine Out and Not Embarrass Yourself contains the major Dos and Dont's that will move you out of the inexperienced crowd and into the realm of the truly professional diner.

• Americans love to dine out. And according to the National Restaurant Association, 133 million Americans will spend $558 billion dollars in 2008 in food establishments across the country. Who doesn’t love the opportunity to savor a Thai green curry with pork, paired with an icy cold beer, or to bite into a juicy Angus beef burger along with salty fresh-from-the-fryer french fries? Eating out in your favorite restaurant or someplace new, holds the promise of your needs being attended to in a social atmosphere while you break bread with friends or family or conduct business with work associates. And after a long day in the office or at school (or simply a night out on the town), you don't have to stand in line at the grocery store, slave over the stove, or clean up the kitchen.

• Dining out is an entertainment experience that is made marvelous not only by good food and great service, but also by knowledgeable and pleasant patrons.

• You have chosen the restaurant so let them know you are coming. Online sites such as Opentable and Citysearch are free and will provide information about pricing, menus, hours-of-operation, address and phone number, dress code, customer and editorial reviews, maps, and booking your reservation online in your city of choice. And if it's a spur-of-the-moment decision, make a quick call. The more information you can give an establishment, the better equipped they will be to serve you. But it's best to call ahead to discuss the following situations:

1. The number of people in your party changes. You may already have a reservation, but if the number in your party increases or decreases, allow the staff time to accommodate you and configure the dining room for all guests. And specify if there will be children. The staff can pre-set highchairs and put your party at a table that is more comfortable for kids.
2. Large Parties. Parties of 6 or more require larger tables and more planning for the kitchen.
3. You are running late or will not be coming. Your reservation is like an appointment, so if you can’t make it or will be delayed, let the establishment know and secure your table.
4. Time restrictions. If you are attending an event or have to get to the airport, letting the staff know will help them provide you service in a timely manner. But have realistic expectations. Try not to rush a 4-course meal into a 30-minute sprint.
5. Dietary restrictions. If you are a vegetarian or have food allergies, call ahead to arrange for the kitchen to do something special for you. Any advance warning the chef has about special needs will help the kitchen run smoothly and ensure that all guests have what they want in a timely manner. (If you are a guest in a party, then inform your host so he/she can make arrangements with the kitchen for you).
6. Cake cutting charges. All places are happy to let you bring in your special occasion dessert, but they may charge you for it. Think about it from their perspective. A restaurant is a business selling a product and after all the overhead, hopefully will make a profit. When you bring in your own, you cut into the profit.
7. Corkage charges. When you bring in your own bottle of wine to a restaurant, most establishments will charge a corkage fee. Remember this is a business, so the same principal applies here as it does for cake cutting.
8. Special events. Many establishments will try to make a birthday or anniversary or graduation a memorable milestone if you let them know ahead of time.

1. Check in with the restaurant's host/hostess so they can either seat you right away or hold your table while you have a drink or wait for other guests in your party to arrive.

2. If you are not happy with the table that was selected for you, requesting a new table in a calm easy-going manner goes a long way. Most of the time, the host will accommodate your request, but sometimes they cannot.

3. If you are in a popular establishment on a busy Friday night, you may not get a different table.

4. Remember you are there to dine, whether it is business or pleasure and if an establishment cannot re-seat you because all its other tables are taken or spoken for, the key to a successful experience is a positive mental attitude.

• Allow all of the guests that have arrived to take off their coats and sit down before you start ordering. Once the server and/or busser has greeted you, try to make the ordering process seamless.

1. Order drinks.
2. Look over the menu and/or wine list while the server gets your drinks and before asking any questions.
3. Allow the server to inform you about special items not listed on the menu.
4. Ask specific questions about food."What do you like?" or "What's the best thing on the menu?" are vague. A good server will know the menu well, but the server can guide you and your palate far more accurately if you ask precise questions.
   1. "Which of your three steaks is the biggest?"
   2. "I love duck, is it a popular dish here?"
   3. "Would you describe the sauce that comes with the salmon?"
5. Be specific about wine. The server and/or sommelier wants to help you pair the right wine with your dinner. You don't have to be an expert, but try to articulate what you enjoy. For example, if you like white wine, state qualities you prefer such as "dry" or "sweet" or simply give a few names of some wines you have tried before.
6. Bring up food allergies. Tell your server right away (even if you have called ahead) about any intolerance or aversion to a particular food or seasoning. This way the server can instruct the kitchen to remove the item, or if this isn't possible, sway you towards dishes on the menu that aren't prepared with it.
7. Be reasonable about substitutions. If you want to add an item such as shrimp or chicken, expect to pay extra. Not all items cost the same, so if you want to replace white button mushrooms with Black truffles, expect to pay extra. And if you find yourself altering more than a couple of items in a dish, consider ordering something different.
8. Order main dishes only when all guests have arrived. Don't order your main course until all of your party has arrived. A kitchen runs well when they have good timing. And good timing ensures that your party and all other patrons in the restaurant will have a tasty experience.
9. Have the server take your order only when everyone is ready. Most of the time, your server has more than one table. Don't make them stand at your table while you are still deciding what you want to eat. Or next time, you could be the table waiting to place an order while another patron is bogarting service.
10. Table Manners. The rules of table etiquette apply here, but for the basic breakdown:
    1. The napkin goes in your lap.
    2. Use silverware from the outside-in.
    3. Pass to your right.
    4. Do not start eating until all guests have their food.
    5. When you are finished, place used silverware on your plate in the 4 o'clock position. Do not stack plates or put your used napkin on top of the plate.
11. Try to keep requests for service (such as extra napkins or another beverage) directed towards your particular server and/or busser. Think about the proverb "too many cooks spoil the broth."
12. Let your server know as soon as possible if something is under-cooked, over-cooked or just not right. Don't sit and suffer. Give your server the power to fix your dish or replace it before your other guests have finished and before you begin to have a negative experience.
13. Be a gracious complainer. If you are dissatisfied with something, articulate the problem to the server or a manager in a calm manner. Be discreet and be polite. Getting overly upset will create an uncomfortable and uneasy environment for your server, other guests in the party and other patrons. Civility goes a long way.
14. Ask about dessert and/or coffee and digestifs after all other guests in your party have finished their meal and the dishes have been cleared away. Allow other guests to enjoy themselves and not feel rushed.

• Once everyone has finished dining and the bill is presented, there are a few easy steps for settling the tab.

1. If you dine as a group, pay as a group. But if you have to have separate checks, let the server know at the beginning of your meal.
2. Don't split the check more than two or three ways. Make arrangements with others in your party to reimburse each other later or simply bring cash. Many establishments will not allow checks to be split for parties of 6 or more for obvious reasons:
   1. When a server spends time running 8 separate credit cards, it slows down service to you and all other patrons.
   2. Separate checks increase the likelihood of mistakes in charges.
3. Tipping in a restaurant should not be thought of as a suggestion, but as a requirement.
   1. Servers are typically paid minimum wage or less, plus tips. The tip is your server's wages.
   2. The standard for tipping in the United States is between 15 to 20% before sales tax.
   3. Give more or less of a tip, depending on the service you receive, but don't punish the server for a badly made dish or a rude hostess.
   4. Unless they work for a hotel or resort, most servers do not receive health insurance or any other benefits.
   5. From the tip, the server must pay out a busser. If the staff is larger, then the server may also be paying out the host or Maitre d', the bartender, the barista and the sommelier.
   6. Bottom line, when you stiff the server, you are withholding wages for an entire support staff.
4. Pay the check and relinquish the table within a reasonable amount of time. Obviously you have paid for your spot and have a right to enjoy it. But servers make their money from tips and if you no longer require any more service, give up the precious real estate.
   • There may be a long line of patrons waiting to dine.
   • The restaurant is closed and you are the last table keeping it open.

• Master these particular points and you will no doubt be an expert diner.

1. Turn off the cellphone. Show a little cellphone etiquette. Don’t text message at the table. And don't be the loud obnoxious guy talking about his root canal while the patrons next to you simply want to enjoy a quiet evening out. It's not okay in a loud bar either. If you have to take a call, go outside or move to a lobby area away from other people.
2. Dress appropriately. Many restaurants do not have strict dress codes, but try not to be the girl who distracts from the chicken breasts on the menu. If in doubt, call and ask the establishment.
3. Keep the PDA (public display of affection) to a minimum. Patrons want to eat their lunch, not lose it.
4. Guide your children in appropriate table manners. Teach your kids how to eat like little ladies and gentlemen, and exhibit good behavior in public (no running, kicking or screaming). And if they make a mess, ask for a few extra napkins and try to clean up after them as best as you can.
5. Unless you are a kid, don't order off the kid’s menu.
6. Unless you are eating in the bar, don't order off the bar menu.
7. Close out your bar tab before you move to a table. The bartender and/or cocktail server work for their own tips so paying out the tab you opened with them, insures that they get their tip. But if you want to transfer your bar tab to your dinner tab, then tip out the bar staff separately.
8. Don't eat too much bread. The bread is meant to accompany your meal, not be the main event. And don’t take leftover bread home.
9. Don't drink too much. The restaurant and bar staff want you to have a good time. They don’t want the unpleasant experience of saying no to you if you've had one too many drinks or asking you to leave if you disturb other patrons. Many states have passed drunk driving laws that hold establishments that serve alcohol liable for drunk drivers. Be classy and be responsible.
10. Order your dishes as is. The chef puts a lot of thought into the menu. It is an extension of his creativity and expertise. Specials are even more special because it is the chef's opportunity to experiment with new dishes or offer patrons a limited or seasonal item. Asking to change too many things is like telling the chef you think his food sucks. Don’t change it unless it's absolutely necessary i.e. allergy.
11. Don’t sniff the cork. Whether you know a little or a lot about wine, smelling a cork tells you nothing about what's inside the bottle.
12. Share the wine. A nice custom is to share a taste of wine with the server or sommelier or even the chef, especially if it’s something you brought in or a unique vintage. It shows your appreciation, makes the experience memorable, and is a part of the staff's wine education.
13. Tip on wine. There is debate about whether or not to tip on wine, particularly if the bottle in question is costly. But some points to consider:
    1. Good wine service is part of your overall dining experience.
    2. The IRS (Internal Revenue Service) requires servers to declare all tips as income but the minimum is 8 to 10% of total sales. There is no differentiating between food sales and wine sales. So if you don’t tip the server on wine, he/she has to pay taxes on an "assumed" tip from that sale.
14. Make up for a bad tip. If your friend or date or boss is picking up the tab but you know they don’t know tipping standards, slip a little extra money in the server’s hand before you leave. A bad tip for good service is like a slap in the server's face and it reflects on the entire party even if you are not paying the bill. Of course do this discreetly so you don’t offend your host.
15. Say please and thank you.

• Allprowaiter Blospot: The Insane Waiter

• AromaDictionary.com: Wine Education Resources

• Brigham Young University: English Proverbs

• Citysearch

• Cooking Light: Don't Sniff the Cork

• DUI Driving Laws

• Emily Post Institute: Civility and Manners | Table Manners

• Food and Wine: Corkage Fees

• Microsoft: Cellphone Etiquette

• National Restaurant Association: Industry Facts

• The New York Times: Tipping (February 7, 2007) | Dividing the Bill (April 16, 2008)

• Opentable

• San Francisco Chronicle: Tipping Points (November 16, 2007) | Demise of the Dress Code (June 15, 2005)

• The Star-Ledger: Bars Liable for Drunk Drivers (March 20,2008)

• Starchefs: Restaurant Etiquette

• Tip20.com: Tip Chart

• USA Today: The Waiter Rule (April 14, 2006)

• Waiter Rant: Waiter Blog

• Yahoo Answers: Bar Tabs

• YouTube: Dining Out with Your Children (Time: 3:14)

• 
  

• Introduction
• Step 1: Reservation and Arrival
• Step 2: At the Table
• Step 3: The Bill
• Extra Credit
• Resources