How do you find a balance between marriage and children? It is a very common occurrence to hear from a couple that they feel less connected to their spouse since having children but there are many ways to find that again. If you are new or soon to be parents you can avoid this happening to your marriage. Once you have children, it is easy to forget to maintain the foundation of your family, your marriage. You have to remember that setting and knowing what your priorities is just as important in finding a balance between your marriage and children as it is in the rest of your life. It is also important to remember that finding and maintaining this balance is worth the time and effort.

Many times in our lives we put too much emphasis on the stuff that is truly inconsequential. When we do this, those things end up running our lives and the things that are truly important end up being neglected. Many things come into our lives that take up our time but it is important for us to make sure that they don't take over our lives. Take this tip from ZenHabits.net:

"Take out a sheet of paper and fold it into a small square, perhaps 3×5 inches. Or take out an index card. Now make a short list of the 4-5 most important things in your life. What’s most important to you? What do you value most? What 4-5 things do you most want to do in your life?"http://zenhabits.net/2007/09/simple-living-simplified-10-things-you-can-do-today-to-simplify-your-life/

It isn't until you know what your priorities are that you can make changes in order to simplify your life and make a stronger bond with you spouse and your children. You will see that once you have your list and really know what is most important to you, further simplifying things will be some what easier.

Schedules start to affect our lives even before birth. So why shouldn't you use them to your advantage in finding a balance between your marriage and children? Setting a schedule for your family is a constantly changing process. It will evolve depending on the age and number of children, school, extra curricular activities, daycare, work, household chores, and of course the "honey do" list. It is within all of these things that you must find time for each other. Whether it be an hour after the kids are in bed or an actual date night, every minute that you can give to one another count. Here are a few things that you need to remember when you are creating your schedule:

Remember your priorities: Getting a chance to talk with your husband that you have only seen in passing moments during the week is worth letting the dishes wait for an hour. Taking your wife to a movie or to dinner (somewhere without a kids menu) is more memorable than watching that football game. Remember that when you are trying to keep the balance between your marriage and your children you will find that it is the small moments that count the most.

Have set Bedtimes: No matter what their age you should keep a set bedtime for your children. The National Sleep Foundation recommends that teens need 8-9 hours of sleep http://www.sleepfoundation.org/article/sleep-topics/teens-and-sleep, school age (5-12 years) need 10-11 hours, Pre-Schoolers (3-5 years) need 11-13 hours and toddlers 12-14 hours http://www.sleepfoundation.org/article/sleep-topics/children-and-sleep. By having set bedtimes and routines not only will it be easier to accomplish these sleep goals but it will allow for some time for you and your spouse to spend together. Another benefit from having set bedtimes for your children is that you may get more sleep yourself.

Make Time: Sometimes it may feel more like making sacrifices. But you have to make room somewhere no matter how hard it may be. So, maybe you give up coaching soccer or the book club will have to do with out you for a while but in turn it means you'll be able to start having a date night or meet up for lunch.

Come on. The cat is out of the bag. You have children which means you have sex.

Where once talking about a married couples sex life was taboo, now you find books, talk shows etc talking about that very thing. It wasn't too long ago that a couple would simply expect the intimacy and sex to fade in their marriage. Everyone just accepted that with age and children it would be gone. Not anymore. Countless psychologists, family counselors, pastors, rabbis, etc. have been teaching couples that intimacy and sex are a vital part of a marriage.

Yet still it has been estimated that 15-20% of married couples in the U.S. are living in a sexless marriage (defined as having sex 10 times or less in a year) http://www.newsweek.com/id/59769. You may or may not be at this point in your marriage but this is something that you can recover from or prevent all together. There are always reasons behind losing intimacy and sex in a marriage. That is why when facing this issue you may want to seek the help of licensed counselor for you and your spouse.

Non sexual intimacy is also very important in a marriage and any relationship. Holding hands, cuddling together while watching a movie, giving a back rub these are all types of non sexual touch and they create an intimacy that is lasting. When you show and strive for this type of intimacy you create an atmosphere that is calming and comfortable for your entire family.http://marriage.about.com/od/sex/qt/nonsexualtouch.htmThis also gives your children a positive impression of how to be in a marriage.

Making the changes isn't the only thing that has to happen you have to follow through with it. Keep your priority list with you or in a place that you will see it every day. Then it will be around to help you say no when you are asked to run the school fundraiser. Keep to your schedules. Say "NO" when needed. It may at times feel as if you are being selfish in putting yourself and your spouse before your children but you have to remember that by doing so you are only strengthening the foundation of your family.