If you know how to argue with your spouse, believe it or not you may find yourself living in a much happier household. A healthy argument can lend spice to a relationship as well as offering a chance to flex the intellectual and moral muscles.

• If all else fails, walk away until you both have calmed down.

• Try talking through letters or online. This is a great way to give each other a chance to actually think before they "speak".

Being with someone for a long time often leads to complacency. A routine sets in and sometimes the couple is left wondering why they got together in the first place. Husbands and wives alike face this situation every day. It can quickly turn ugly if the proper steps aren't taken. Small pet peeves can turn to monumental debates.

Whether you are in a bad mood or just fed up with one specific event, there is often a tendency to hold the ones we love up to a higher standard. This isn't really fair and can lead to arguments that are easily avoided if people simply pick the things that are worth arguing about. Being with someone means that you accept their flaws as well as their glories. There is no need to point out every single negative thing. Pick the things that mean the most and deal with them as if you were dealing with your best friend, because that's what being a spouse is supposed to be about.

Take responsibility for your own feelings and actions. Starting a sentence with the word "I" not only lets them know that you are not just focusing on them, it also reminds you to take responsibility. Also recognize their feelings and actions as those of a human being, not someone who has no imperfections. That's the responsibility you chose as a spouse. Empathize with them and validate their feelings.

Listening does not mean simply hearing what someone else says. If you are thinking of what you are going to say in response, then you aren't really listening. Listening skills go a long way toward good communication. To make sure that you understand what your spouse is saying, repeat it back to them as you understand it. Look at the example below for an idea of how to use this method. Mary: I feel as if you don't find me attractive anymore. John: It's not that I don't find you attractive, but I'm tired from work and it's not like you are putting any effort into looking nice anymore. Mary: So, are you saying that it's not me personally that you aren't attracted to and would respond better if I would put more effort into my appearance? Also, if you are tired due to the things you have to do around here, is there anything I can do to help?

When we get angry or emotional at all, people tend to say things that they don't really mean and that are hurtful. Avoid escalating a discussion into an argument by following some of the very simple rules listed below.

1. Don't call names. There's no need for this and it really isn't going to do anything productive for the husband or wife.
2. Don't yell or cuss. Again, this is pretty basic and only leads to damage in the relationship.
3. Do actively listen.
4. Do stay on topic. Don't mix in other issues. This is one of the fastest ways to escalate and argument.
5. Do remember that you love this person. No matter how angry you are, the person you love is right there.
6. Consider how you would talk to your parents or even a stranger. We are sometimes more polite to those we don't knwo than we are to our own loved ones.
7. Remember that there are three versions of a conversation and try to clarify them as best you can. There is what the person is saying, what the person means and waht the listener hears. Making sure that these are all the same thing is simply a matter of clarification. Asking questions can prevent hurt feelings and make the point better understood.
8. Avoid words like "always" and "never". These are extreme words that bring up extreme feelings.
9. Learn to forgive. If your partner has done something to hurt you, then you have to make a choice of whether to forgive them and let it go, never to be brought up again or leave. If the act cannot be forgiven then it will be brought up over and over again.