Dating violence can be classified as either of sexual, physical, or psychological (emotional) nature. This type of violence occurs in relationships of adolescents and young adults and is typically perpetrated by one partner who purposefully intends to cause harm to the other through physical or psychological means. Dating violence exceeds the occasional arguments of most relationships and proceeds to physical violence or psychological abuse coupled with controlling behavior exhibited by the abuser. The distinguishing factor of dating violence is that the abuser attempts to obtain complete power over the life of his/her significant other. Dating violence may occur in casual as well as serious relationships and is found in both same-sex and heterosexual relationships.

Dating violence does not distinguish between races, economic status, or social ties. Although the abuser can be of either sex, women have been found to be more commonly the victims of dating violence and abuse. On average, one in three adolescents has been exposed to dating violence in their early relationships. Interestingly, according to a 2006 CDC report, while 1 in 11 young individuals falls victim to physical dating violence, close to 1 in 5 adolescents are suffering at the hands of an emotional abuser. Partners may be more susceptible to the psychological form of abuse, as this one is less readily detectable and threatening words may be used to condemn the victim to silence. Dating violence may be perpetrated by a current or former boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, a dating partner (at any stage of the relationship), a family member, a close acquaintance of another type, or a stranger whom you just met.

Why dating violence may happen:

Dating violence among adolescents likely takes place because young partners are practically inexperienced with dating relationships and tend to maintain an overly romantic view of love. Many young individuals may be pressured by their peers to behave more possessively and violently to keep their relationship intact. Adolescent males may come to believe that their female partners belong only to them and that they can therefore control what their partner does, with whom, and at what time. Young males may view aggression as the only option available to them to keep their partner “in check” and to exert their masculinity.

Early warning signs of a potentially violent dating relationship:

Partners who appear overly jealous and controlling, show unpredictable moods, oftentimes exhibit angry or explosive behavior, and are abusive in any way are most prone to dating violence. Violent partners may also attempt to isolate their significant other from friends and family and may use violent threats and gestures to intimidate their partner. The abuser may constantly criticize his/her partner or note that nobody will ever love him/her as much as he/she (the abuser) does. In many cases of dating violence, drugs and alcohol are involved and so heavy use of either (or both) substance(s) can be an indicator for potential later violence, especially if this incidence is coupled with other indicative factors for abusive partners.

Tell-tale signs of dating violence and abuse:

An abused partner may show evidence of physical injury, as well as emotional and psychological changes. Most victims display changes in moods and personality, including feelings of fear, helplessness, confusion, anger, and shock. Others may even feel guilty about the abuse and come to believe that they themselves have somehow instigated the violence. As a result, the victim may feel ashamed over the outburst and place the blame on himself/herself. Intimidation by the abuser may lead the victim to abstain from social events and gatherings with friends, family, and other significant individuals in his/her life and to stay more to himself/herself. Students in abusive relationships may begin receiving failing grades or even drop out of school. The victims of abusive relationships may also begin using alcohol and/or drugs to cope with ongoing abuse.

Physical dating violence:

Physical abuse perpetrated by an abusive relationship partner may be any act that is used to intentionally hurt, injure, or control the other person. Physical violence may occur in a single incident or happen repeatedly over a longer period of time. Physical abusers may harm their victims by hitting, kicking, pinching, restraining, spitting, punching, biting, burning, scratching, or pulling hair. More extreme examples of physical abuse also include hitting or beating the partner with any type of object, cutting the partner with a sharp object, attacking the partner with a weapon, chocking or strangling the partner, or murdering the partner.

Sexual dating violence:

Sexual abuse in relationships is employed to sexually exploit the partner against his/her will. This type of violence includes harassment, assault, and exploitation, and is typically couples with either physical violence, psychological violence, or both. Rape, sodomy, and other forms of exploitation appear to be the extreme cases of sexual violence. Other forms of sexual violence include using defamation or ridicule to control or negatively influence a person’s sexuality. In some cases, victims of dating violence may be given mind-altering drugs or substances that prevent them from resisting a sexual assault or advance. From alcohol to date rape drugs such as Rohypnol or GHB, victims of sexual dating violence may be exposed to, or “slipped”, a number of different substances that lower inhibitions and ultimately effect an amnesia-like after-state that prevents the victim from remembering clear details of the attack.

Emotional/psychological dating violence:

An emotionally/psychologically abusive partner sets out to affect the victim’s mind and lower the person’s self-esteem and self-worth by increasing feelings of worthlessness and helplessness. Psychological abusers destroy their victims overall self-concept through manipulation and intimidation practices, and they continuously criticize and verbally abuse their partners as well. The victim is oftentimes called names, embarrassed in front of friends and family, or belittled and harassed. Some abusers make their victims feel incompetent and unintelligent. Others turn into stalkers over their obsessions with controlling their partner’s or former partner’s life. When abuse gets this far, victims may be threatened both verbally and physically, or terrorized. Some abusers even go as far as threatening the family members or friends of their partners, harming pets, and damaging or destroying property.

Pregnancy and dating violence

Pregnant teens are over 60 percent more likely to be physically abused by their partners than girls who are not pregnant. According the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention, pregnant teens have a greater propensity to be physically, sexually, or emotionally abused by their partners than non-pregnant teens. These expecting mothers were also more likely to be threatened by their partners with physical abuse or rape. Unfortunately, the increased violence experienced by pregnant girls at the hands of their romantic partners is oftentimes associated with severe pregnancy complications that can range from ruptured membranes, to bruising of the fetus, to potential miscarriages. Abusive partners who are also the expectant fathers may revert to violence and aggression if they are unable to deal effectively with the impending responsibilities and other stressors associated with the arrival of their child. In some cases the child may have been unwanted and the father may feel resentment towards the mother, whom he perceives to be the source of the problem. Some frustrated abusers may believe that the expectant mother intentionally became pregnant, possibly to hold on to an already shaky relationship, and that they are now locked down. These young men may no longer feel responsible in their role of expectant father, and unleash all their pent up frustration and anger on the expectant mother and the child growing in her belly.

Leaving an abuser:

The time when the victim finally decides to leave the abusive partner has been announced the most dangerous time in the relationship. As the abuser loses control over the victim, he/she is likely to try everything in his might to make him/her stay. This is when the situation can turn deadly. Battered partners planning on leaving their abusers are encouraged to contact a victim’s advocate for support and putting in place a plan that will ensure a safe escape. The victim should never inform the abuser or any mutual friends who may tell the abuser of his/her plans to leave. Keeping documentation on abusive incidents, such as a diary of individual occurrences and photographs of bodily bruises, may be of value to the victim should he/she decide to contact the authorities. It may be wise to keep extra money and sets of spare clothing hidden in an easily accessible place that is unknown to the abuser, in case a quick escape becomes necessary. When children are present in the abusive household, the escape must be planned accordingly so that they will not be exposed to any additional dangers. The victim should seek a shelter in the area that will take in him/her and the children for as long as is necessary. Under no circumstances should the victim move in with friends or family members. Not only could the abuser locate him/her easily at these addresses, she may also put the lives of loved ones in jeopardy, should the abuser find him/her there and plan revenge.