Musician and actor Creed Bratton plays a twisted version of himself on the NBC sitcom The Office.

1. "Oh, I steal things all the time. It's just something I do. I stopped caring a long time ago."
2. "Hi kids, ever seen a foot with four toes?"
3. "I’m a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing. I like to go in the women’s room for number two. I’ve been caught several times, and I have paid dearly."
4. "I’m not offended by homosexuality. In the sixties, I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors, in the mud and the rain, and it’s possible a man slipped in. Would be no way of knowing."
5. "Bankruptcy, Michael, is nature's do-over"
6. "I’ve been involved in a number of cults both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower but you make more money as a leader."