1 year, 6 months ago
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Would you rather make your own mistakes or learn from other people's mistakes?
I was talking to my cousin who just had an argument with her teenage daughter. She was a single mom and just caught her daughter kissing a boy. She was very mad at her and scolded her badly, she said she does not want her daughter to get hurt or be a single mom like her and don’t want her to repeat her mistakes. I wanted to tell her to let her make her own mistakes but I held it back because I realized that not all mistakes are good to be needs to be before one can learn. There are several mistakes people have made that others can learn from. Do you think it is better to make you r own mistakes than learn from others’.
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M$12 Answers
Sometimes when it's matters of the heart, we don't even learn from our own mistakes. I am sure we all know people who seem to keep making the same ones over and over again. I think the hardest, but most memorable mistakes we make are the ones that we make ourselves. My grandmother always tried to show and tell me her mistakes when it came to relationships and matters of the heart. However, I just had to learn myself.
Lessons that are more about how to do things right can be better learned by some other people when it comes to things about jobs, money and how to be a good parent. These things are learned by watching other people succeed. I guess because it works for them, you know it really does work.
The thing is when it comes to jobs and money, you are just depending on yourself for the most part. When it comes to relationships, you are depending on someone else. You can't predict what that person will do. They can promise you the moon with full intentions of giving it to you, but people change. I think it's best for people to learn not to dwell on the past or regret things, but move on. Teenagers are very independent and although her intentions are good, if she doesn't give her some room to make her own mistakes the daughter could resent the mother in the long run. She will grow up one day and see the mother was right. However, she still needs offer guidance to her daughter and not allow her to be totally independent. I would suggest if she thinks the girl is sexually active, to put her on birth control. If kids are going to have sex, they are going to do it with or without someone's help. I know, I was a teenager once upon a time.
Lessons that are more about how to do things right can be better learned by some other people when it comes to things about jobs, money and how to be a good parent. These things are learned by watching other people succeed. I guess because it works for them, you know it really does work.
The thing is when it comes to jobs and money, you are just depending on yourself for the most part. When it comes to relationships, you are depending on someone else. You can't predict what that person will do. They can promise you the moon with full intentions of giving it to you, but people change. I think it's best for people to learn not to dwell on the past or regret things, but move on. Teenagers are very independent and although her intentions are good, if she doesn't give her some room to make her own mistakes the daughter could resent the mother in the long run. She will grow up one day and see the mother was right. However, she still needs offer guidance to her daughter and not allow her to be totally independent. I would suggest if she thinks the girl is sexually active, to put her on birth control. If kids are going to have sex, they are going to do it with or without someone's help. I know, I was a teenager once upon a time.
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M$Report Abuse
Hi @iklilian! I understand what your cousin must go through and why she had reacted this way with her own daughter.
I believe in the saying that experience is the best teacher. But I believe too that it would be better to take advantage of other people's life experiences too. I know that sometimes we have to make a certain mistake before we have to learn a lesson but I believe that we have a choice and we have intelligence that we can use to make the best decision. Your cousin was just being protective of her daughter because she had a first-hand experience of what it is like to be a single mom and that is just a normal reaction from her.
Sometimes there are people that find it hard to learn from other people's mistake because they cannot put themselves in their shoes and we cannot blame them because this is just the way they are. On the other hand, there are also people who finds it easy to imagine themselves in a certain situation so it is easier for them to internalize what is happening and what they feel so they try to avoid being in that kind of situation. This people can easily learn from the mistakes of other.
This is just my opinion, I think your cousin should do some "reverse psychology" to your niece. Instead of scolding her, she should treat her as an adult so that she will feel that she is responsible and face the consequences of her actions. I remember my father once told me when I was 17 years old at that time. He said that if I will get pregnant and my boyfriend will ran away and have nothing to do with the baby, I should not get rid of it or think of abortion. He told me that babies are gift from God and assured me that he will support me all the way. I was so touched then, and I don't even have a boyfriend at that time!
I realized how much my father loved me that no matter what mistake I've made in my life he will be there to love me nevertheless. After that I learn to be very careful because I don't want my father to be disappointed and I can imagine that it would be hard to become a teenage and single parent.
But there are some life experiences that are beyond my control so I will just have to make the most of it. But if I can just control and avoid doing mistakes, I would prefer to learn from other people's mistakes than experience them on my own.
I believe in the saying that experience is the best teacher. But I believe too that it would be better to take advantage of other people's life experiences too. I know that sometimes we have to make a certain mistake before we have to learn a lesson but I believe that we have a choice and we have intelligence that we can use to make the best decision. Your cousin was just being protective of her daughter because she had a first-hand experience of what it is like to be a single mom and that is just a normal reaction from her.
Sometimes there are people that find it hard to learn from other people's mistake because they cannot put themselves in their shoes and we cannot blame them because this is just the way they are. On the other hand, there are also people who finds it easy to imagine themselves in a certain situation so it is easier for them to internalize what is happening and what they feel so they try to avoid being in that kind of situation. This people can easily learn from the mistakes of other.
This is just my opinion, I think your cousin should do some "reverse psychology" to your niece. Instead of scolding her, she should treat her as an adult so that she will feel that she is responsible and face the consequences of her actions. I remember my father once told me when I was 17 years old at that time. He said that if I will get pregnant and my boyfriend will ran away and have nothing to do with the baby, I should not get rid of it or think of abortion. He told me that babies are gift from God and assured me that he will support me all the way. I was so touched then, and I don't even have a boyfriend at that time!
I realized how much my father loved me that no matter what mistake I've made in my life he will be there to love me nevertheless. After that I learn to be very careful because I don't want my father to be disappointed and I can imagine that it would be hard to become a teenage and single parent.
But there are some life experiences that are beyond my control so I will just have to make the most of it. But if I can just control and avoid doing mistakes, I would prefer to learn from other people's mistakes than experience them on my own.
source(s):
Own opinion and experiences.
Own opinion and experiences.
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M$
It is often said that experience is the best teacher. While I can say the cliché does have a valid point, I would much rather learn from the mistakes that other people make compared with making them on my own.
One reason is because I am my own worse critic so when I do make a mistake or oversight, etc, I tend to be really harsh on myself despite knowing that none of us are perfect or without shortcomings. I learned a whole lot from the experiences my mother told me about when I was growing up and it helped me not to make some of those same mistakes. However, there were some things that I had to learn the hard way as well and those were the most painful experiences both physically and emotionally. Looking back on them, I wish that there had been a blueprint of some kind to follow that would have helped prevent having to endure those experiences even though valuable lessons were learned.
So all in all, while lessons can be learned through experiencing things firsthand, I would much rather learn from the mistakes of others.
One reason is because I am my own worse critic so when I do make a mistake or oversight, etc, I tend to be really harsh on myself despite knowing that none of us are perfect or without shortcomings. I learned a whole lot from the experiences my mother told me about when I was growing up and it helped me not to make some of those same mistakes. However, there were some things that I had to learn the hard way as well and those were the most painful experiences both physically and emotionally. Looking back on them, I wish that there had been a blueprint of some kind to follow that would have helped prevent having to endure those experiences even though valuable lessons were learned.
So all in all, while lessons can be learned through experiencing things firsthand, I would much rather learn from the mistakes of others.
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M$
I prefer to make my own mistakes, and learn from what they have already done, Sort of “standing on the shoulders of giants” situation. Take their knowledge, their experience, and try to skirt their mistakes. But you are always bound to make your own. Any situation is a learning experience.
Like with raising children, for a prime example. We never wish to be what our parents, or at the very least our mothers did to us. No, we learned as children we don’t want that. So we learn and still do from others experiences. Often, in reality making the same mistakes.
Some situations, it is inevitable, especially as with raising children.
But those who make a conscious effort to watch what is done, make fewer, but new examples and errors.
I am living a life not so totally different from how I was raised. But I have made a difference with my daughter and family and my career and I made my own mistakes that hopefully she has learned from.
Like with raising children, for a prime example. We never wish to be what our parents, or at the very least our mothers did to us. No, we learned as children we don’t want that. So we learn and still do from others experiences. Often, in reality making the same mistakes.
Some situations, it is inevitable, especially as with raising children.
But those who make a conscious effort to watch what is done, make fewer, but new examples and errors.
I am living a life not so totally different from how I was raised. But I have made a difference with my daughter and family and my career and I made my own mistakes that hopefully she has learned from.
source(s):
my own life
my own life
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M$
I think in a lot of ways we do actually learn from others mistakes, unknowingly.
For example, if you grew up in a home where there was alot of yelling, many of us try to parent our kids with less screaming and yelling. We know what type of impact it had on our lives and do not want to make the same mistake.
I think we learn from others more than we believe. We learn good behaviors and we learn behaviors we do not want to repeat. We may see a friend or family buy an expensive house and see them struggle financially and we end up buying a less expensive house, so we do not struggle.
Are there some things in life we need to learn on our own and make our own mistakes, of course. I do not believe any of us our perfect and everyday we continue to learn.
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For example, if you grew up in a home where there was alot of yelling, many of us try to parent our kids with less screaming and yelling. We know what type of impact it had on our lives and do not want to make the same mistake.
I think we learn from others more than we believe. We learn good behaviors and we learn behaviors we do not want to repeat. We may see a friend or family buy an expensive house and see them struggle financially and we end up buying a less expensive house, so we do not struggle.
Are there some things in life we need to learn on our own and make our own mistakes, of course. I do not believe any of us our perfect and everyday we continue to learn.
source(s):
personal thoughts
personal thoughts
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M$
Given the choice, I would much rather learn from someone else’s mistakes. It is far less painful and if you do learn from them, it can be just as effective. The problem seems to be (at least for me) that I learn much more from my own mistakes than I do from other people’s mistakes. When it is your own mistake, it tends to be more painful, costly or impacting, so it sticks with you much more. Still, there have definitely been times when I’ve been able to watch someone else and see them making mistakes and avoid doing the same. In each of these cases, I was glad to not have to suffer the consequences and still be able to learn a lesson.
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M$
First of all, I'd rather not make any mistakes, but of course, as humans we are not perfect and all make mistakes. I think in general it's better to learn from our own mistakes. Usually the mistakes one makes has some negative consequences, sometimes severe consequences depending on the situation. When dealing with those consequences and the looking back on them, I know I don't want to have to deal with all of that again, so I will be extra careful not to make that same mistake again.
When watching what someone else is dealing with and how they are trying to cope with a mistake they have made, you might say to yourself that you'd never put yourself in that situation and try not to make the same mistake so as not to deal with the same consequences. But watching someone dealing with it and actually dealing with it yourself are two different things. I think as hard as it is, it's better to go through the pain of a mistake and learn from it.
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When watching what someone else is dealing with and how they are trying to cope with a mistake they have made, you might say to yourself that you'd never put yourself in that situation and try not to make the same mistake so as not to deal with the same consequences. But watching someone dealing with it and actually dealing with it yourself are two different things. I think as hard as it is, it's better to go through the pain of a mistake and learn from it.
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M$
Talking about mistakes, I'd rather learn it from others than make them when I know it's a mistake. I'm not perfect. I am adventurous only in my mind but when it comes to doing things that I think I have doubts, I would not gamble for it. I'd refer to anyone's past mistakes even though they say that other's path is not yours, too. I'm more a believer of science that's why I always tell my children that when you do a certain thing, you know what will follow. I had experiences in my childhood that I think have contributed to my fear of doing some things like, when I was a kid, I pull the plug out and inserted it again with my forefinger in between the metals. I was really startled because that really hurt my elbow. There are more things as a child that I thought that for every wrong start or way you choose, there's also a relative consequence to them. I don't wait to learn a lesson by myself. Others' lessons are enough for me.
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M$
Personally, I would absolutely love to learn from the mistakes of others and avoid making mistakes of my own! That sounds like my idea of heaven. Unfortunately, for most people, it does seem that we don’t learn from other people’s errors. We need to experience things for ourselves.
Given the choice, I would greatly prefer to be protected from all the evils on this earth by taking other people’s advice and learning to avoid their problems. However, my choice is probably unrealistic. I didn’t learn to drive the speed limit because other people got speeding tickets, but my first ticket definitely took some of the lead out of my foot.
In your cousin’s situation, it would be better for her daughter to realize that being a single teenage mom is difficult without actually becoming one. There are several television shows that address this very same issue in an approachable, and even entertaining, way. Your cousin could try watching “Teen Mom’’ or "16 and Pregnant on MTV with her daughter to open discussion about the situation.
Given the choice, I would greatly prefer to be protected from all the evils on this earth by taking other people’s advice and learning to avoid their problems. However, my choice is probably unrealistic. I didn’t learn to drive the speed limit because other people got speeding tickets, but my first ticket definitely took some of the lead out of my foot.
In your cousin’s situation, it would be better for her daughter to realize that being a single teenage mom is difficult without actually becoming one. There are several television shows that address this very same issue in an approachable, and even entertaining, way. Your cousin could try watching “Teen Mom’’ or "16 and Pregnant on MTV with her daughter to open discussion about the situation.
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M$
It depends on the cost of the mistake. When young there are mistakes you make growing up and they need to be made or you will not have any experience or background to fall unto. In this case the Mother needs to talk to the daughter and not yell at her. The kid will just be pushed away by it and go towards the boyfriend. She must experience her sexuality also. But other mistakes you want to learn from others. You don't want to make the mistake of killing someone and getting 20 to life just knowing there are Prisons should be enough. These are two extremes and everything else has to fall in the middle. But yelling doesn't help, a good relationship does.
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M$
It is a well known saying that sometimes the only way to learn something is to experience it first hand but there are certain circumstances, just like the one that you have mentioned that would be hoped that the experience could be learned from previous experience of someone that is known, or previously met or by simply watching a television programme.
Many lessons can be learnt by watching and listening to others and stories that are told about other individual lives, it is this that helps towards the development of personal personality and a personal method towards decision making. The most important thing is no matter how a lesson is learnt, that it is learnt enabling a positive and successful outcome. Sometimes faith in others that they will recognise the best decision to make in life, is a lesson we all learn but need to remember.
Many lessons can be learnt by watching and listening to others and stories that are told about other individual lives, it is this that helps towards the development of personal personality and a personal method towards decision making. The most important thing is no matter how a lesson is learnt, that it is learnt enabling a positive and successful outcome. Sometimes faith in others that they will recognise the best decision to make in life, is a lesson we all learn but need to remember.
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M$
I think this is certainly a topic where an even balance may be just the right approach to take. While there a number of mistakes, we as parents may have made in our lifetime that our children could certainly learn from, we have to keep in mind that no two people, no matter how closely related, are ever completely alike. Thus, whatever mistakes a parent may have felt he/she has made in their life can be used as a valuable lesson for their child, as long as the child is willing to use the lesson and learn from it. Unfortunately, when it comes to dating and boyfriend/girlfriend topics, not too many teenage children will remain open-minded. They usually believe (whether correctly or incorrectly) that whatever happened to their parents when they were younger will not repeat itself for them. They believe that despite their young age that being in love is enough and that they can make it work. When it comes to young love, unfortunately, parents need to let their children gain their own experiences and make the occasional mistake or two. Only through these real life experiences can a young person ever really learn what life and love are all about. Let the young girl live through her first love, as well as her first heartbreak, which is sure to occur at some point. I know during my teenage years there would have been no way that I would have abstained from having boyfriends and experimenting with dating, and instead take my mom’s experiences that happened God knows when to teach me a lesson. Sure I had quite a few dates, and yes, none of my early relationships ever lasted longer than a few weeks or months, but ultimately I think it taught me what precisely to look for in a boyfriend (obviously none of the traits of the guys who did not turn out to be great dating partners).
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M$