1 year, 7 months ago
Why is it so difficult to say "no" to friends, family or anyone you know?
What is an easier way to turn someone down gently, without hurting their feelings and making the subject tense. We all know saying no is very difficult and you may go out of your way to keep them happy, but what if you have had just about enough of people taking advantage of you, but you need to make them understand that if you say no, that does not mean you do not want anything to do with them.
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M$1 Answer
It is difficult to say 'no', especially to people whom you love and concern. But when we don't say 'no' and keep accepting or doing what others told us, sooner or later, we will be burn out. We will feel very tired, and yes, like you said, we will feel people taking advantage of us, or may even feel disrespected by others who keeps pushing us.
I think most of the time, it's hard for us to say 'no' because we want to please others. We are afraid that they will not be pleased with us for not helping them or doing something that they want. We worry that they will think less of us or that we might not be important anymore in their life if we say 'no'.
The first step in learning to say 'no' is to gain self-confidence. We must know who we are, our identity. List down a list of statements that says who you are. The statements starts with 'I am a ....' When you are clear who you are, and know that you are not lesser than who you are because of how others view you, then you have self confidence.
When turning someone down, think of why you need or want to say 'no'. We all live in a community and it is important to help each other out. But that doesn't mean that we have to help others all the time and not care for ourselves.
You can say 'I would like to help you, but I can't do it this time because ...( your reason).' It could be you have an appointment set up prior to this, it could be you need to study for your exams, etc.
or just be honest and say: 'I am not ready to do this now'.
People who mutually respect each other will respect your answer when you say 'no'. If they don't, you will know what kind of friends they are. It will also gives you a clearer picture of the people around you, and it's time for you to decide how deep you want your relationship with them.
Come to think from another point of view, many times when you asks others to help or do something, or whatever your situation is, you don't always get a 'yes'. You get the 'no' as a reply to your request too. And that doesn't mean your relationship with the other person lessen, or you think less of that person because he/she said 'no'.
Saying 'no' is something many people learn to say. It's not easy, especially if you care a lot for others, and also care about how others view you. But with self confidence, with sincere heart and valid reasons, I'm sure true friends, family and anyone you come across will understand and will still love you and accept you.
I think most of the time, it's hard for us to say 'no' because we want to please others. We are afraid that they will not be pleased with us for not helping them or doing something that they want. We worry that they will think less of us or that we might not be important anymore in their life if we say 'no'.
The first step in learning to say 'no' is to gain self-confidence. We must know who we are, our identity. List down a list of statements that says who you are. The statements starts with 'I am a ....' When you are clear who you are, and know that you are not lesser than who you are because of how others view you, then you have self confidence.
When turning someone down, think of why you need or want to say 'no'. We all live in a community and it is important to help each other out. But that doesn't mean that we have to help others all the time and not care for ourselves.
You can say 'I would like to help you, but I can't do it this time because ...( your reason).' It could be you have an appointment set up prior to this, it could be you need to study for your exams, etc.
or just be honest and say: 'I am not ready to do this now'.
People who mutually respect each other will respect your answer when you say 'no'. If they don't, you will know what kind of friends they are. It will also gives you a clearer picture of the people around you, and it's time for you to decide how deep you want your relationship with them.
Come to think from another point of view, many times when you asks others to help or do something, or whatever your situation is, you don't always get a 'yes'. You get the 'no' as a reply to your request too. And that doesn't mean your relationship with the other person lessen, or you think less of that person because he/she said 'no'.
Saying 'no' is something many people learn to say. It's not easy, especially if you care a lot for others, and also care about how others view you. But with self confidence, with sincere heart and valid reasons, I'm sure true friends, family and anyone you come across will understand and will still love you and accept you.
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
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