Why do I hate dating so much? Do you enjoy dating?
Are there any words of wisdom that will make me enjoy it more? I've tried thinking of it as a process of elimination LOL... but I don't really feel that people are disposable.
Do you enjoy dating or not?
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$12 Answers
But how to enjoy dating until that "right one" comes along? Well, I don't know if these qualify as words of wisdom, but I would say....
Try to treat a date--especially a first date--as just getting together with a (potentially) new friend. Have fun. Try not to think about whether this person would be a good fit for you. Just enjoy the activity and focus on getting to know this person as a person, not necessarily as a potential "mate."
Be completely YOU. It's less exhausting and much more real and meaningful if you don't try to put on airs or be on your best behavior, whatever that might mean. Say what you think and feel and try not to be concerned about what the other person might think. (I don't mean that you shouldn't care about what they have to say; I just mean don't worry about what they think about your views and ideas ... or even your jokes. :-) ) That way, if they like you and want to see you again, you can be more certain it's because they like YOU not the person you're trying to be. To me, that's less tiring than trying to be someone the other person will like.
Space out dates. I found that squeezing in a few dates within a week was too much, particularly if it was with a few different people. If you're seeing just one person, still space things out if you're feeling like dating is tiring and more like work than it is relaxing and fun. Take plenty of time for just yourself and also for friends.
Do more activity-oriented dates if that's more enjoyable for you than sitting across a table for a meal. Suggest things you like do. For example, I often suggested that my dates and I walk our dogs together, or at least he walk with me while I walked my dog. I found walking and talking much more comfortable than sitting at a table and talking when it was someone I was just getting to know. Think about the things that not only you enjoy but that the two of you know you have in common, and try to come up with activities that you'll both like and, early on at least, activities that will last maybe one or two hours at most, so you can end the date before it starts to get too tiring and hopefully while it's still feeling fun.
Anyhow, those are some suggestions. Hope that helps a bit.
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
With that in mind, I think you should find someone that enjoys the same things you do. Reflect back on the past four or five years and make out what hobbies you engaged in. For example, did you do a lot of reading? Maybe you should go to your local bookstore and strike up a conversation with a person and then suggest you speak more about the book or author during coffee.
Dating allows you to get to know another person on a more intimate level. However to establish that intimacy you have to look within yourself and find what you like before expecting your dating partner to be a certain way or type.
I personally enjoy dating because it is a great way to meet new people and learn new things from them that I wouldn't have done alone. I am selective with who I choose to date but do believe in giving most of the guys I meet a chance. If he doesn't turn out to be relationship material, at least I've gained a new friend and those are always nice to have.
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
Great advice and it makes perfect sense. Thanks @appledorkian and welcome to Mahalo. Look forward to working with you on Guru =)
This is great advice. I always did say like minded people would most likely want to do the same thing.
Striking up a conversation can be nerve racking...but I always did (also) say, the first step is the hardest. Also after you've done it 10 times it won't be so hard the 11th time.
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
@Cosmopinkice, Absolutely and keep remembering Mr Right exists, he is just preceded by Mr Right Now, Mr Not Right Now, Mr Really are You Serious, Mr Dear God Save Me from This Man and Mr I could have Done Better. So don't worry he will come in due time.
@cosmopinkice, it is definitely worth wading through all the baddies to get to that one goodie. Just don't allow yourself to get hurt along the way.
Thanks @pastorkayte... perhaps the "misery" of dating is worth the ending result when Mr. right comes along =). Then all the dates left in life will be fantastic!
Second trust your instincts. When I met my husband he had no job, no money, no drivers license, 2 feet of hair and he talked about aliens, marijuana and government conspiracies all the time. Not exactly what most women consider date material by time they're in their 20's..but I gave him a chance and he ended up making me happier than I'd ever been.
Lastly when you are on a date, don't think of it as a date like an interview for a future boyfriend, think of it as just something your doing to kill time and have fun. if it evolves into a romantic encounter.. it was supposed to.. if not.. you killed some time before you die. (positivity is so my strong point.)
ps. in answer to the actual question.. no, I didn't like to date.
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
I agree with you @unwirklich. The problem is that I live out in the country and I work solely from home. I never meet anyone. It would be much easier if I could actually go places and mingle more. I am so happy that you found your perfect match in your "interesting" man ;). I am sure there is never a dull moment.
When I was single I loved dating casually, or even going out with my male friends. Heck I still love going out to lunch with some of my male friends...don't worry hubby knows. :)
I’ve been out of the dating stage in my life, for about 5 years now. But I still remember.
My tips to you are
-don’t fully ‘commit’ yourself to dating just one guy. I’m not saying cheat, I’m saying let them know that all you want is casual, that way you can feel them out. Then if you want to get serious with one of them, then tell them so. Many men don’t like commitment, but the like openness.
-have fun, don’t get emotionally charged off the first couple of dates.
-Don’t give your heart and soul until you are ready. A minute before and it could be disastrous. Trust me on this one. Even with hubby, I waited until I knew he was head over heels about me to fully trust him and to let myself be enveloped by him.
-If you really like him, put yourself in a simulated dangerous situation, and have him save you. JK!!!! Don’t do this one!! :)
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
Hey, you sound just like my best friend haha. Thanks @meyermv , very good advice and I am glad you found your sort of "crazy" in your husband.
I'm a big fan of metaphors. What advice would you have for someone who for someone who really didn't like eating liver? Sure, it has nutrients that are very healthy, but wouldn't the easiest solution be to just not eat liver? Nutrients can be gotten from other sources and if time passes and if liver becomes appealing later, it could always be eaten then.
Life is short. If you really dislike dating, don't do it. You can get social interaction from other sources (just like getting nutrients from other sources) - your family, friends and acquaintances. But if someone seems like *the right person* and you want to date them, then do it. Otherwise, the other person will notice that something is wrong and will assume that you dislike them, not realizing that it's the act of dating that you dislike so much.
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
but if the dating partner meet my dish, i think i will enjoy the date.
or i am willing to staying at home alone.
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
You have to maintain that you are looking for someone to add to your life, not take away from it's quality. Your not hurting someone by rejecting them in the appropriate way. If you see warning signs in the beginning be level headed, not too tender hearted because in the long run you may windup hurting them anyway. Warning signs to look for:
1. Do you look forward to seeing and hearing from them?
2. Do you wakeup eager to hear their voice?
3. Are your alienating other people that are in your life?
4. Is the person your dating understanding of your life, time, needs for alone time?
5. Are they overly jealous?
6. How are their previous relationships with their ex's? Congenial or hate filled? Thats a great sign.
7. Is everything a mess in their life; finances, relationships, work, home?
8. Are they good listeners?
9. Also ask these things of yourself, about yourself. Are you ready to invite someone into your life?
10. Are you ready to share you time, home, life with a new person?
11. Does the other person's family want to spend time with them; children, parents, siblings? this can be a big indicator of character.
You don't have to like everything the same, but you need some common interest. If your a sedinary person, the other person is highly active that combination may not workout. Set limitations gently within the relationship recognizing that you must maintain the life you've had, go slow so you both have time to discover things about one another you may not know exist. Overall recognize your both individuals even if it does workout and you get married, your 2 individuals combining your lives, but your individualism will always shine through so don't compromise on things that irritate or make you edgy.
If your placing an internet add for a date, be 100% honest about your age, height, weight, and preferences. If you live 200 miles from the beach is it really realistic to say you enjoy midnight strolls on the beach? If your 45 and using your prom picture on your ad, believe me when they meet you they will notice the difference, why set yourself up for rejection.
Date for fun; leave the interviews to getting a new job. Enjoy the process, relax if nothing else you come out as friends.
Good luck!
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
And if no-you don't even like to pass time with friends-then the problem is in you.
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$Dating should be fun. Something you enjoy.
I would bet any money that you hate dating because you are putting too much stress on yourself. And you have a combination of very high expections coupled with very low expectations. Essentially, you've complicated the process. So instead of being fun, you have made it stressful and complicated, and now it sucks.
So start approaching every date with only one expecatation -- to create a new friend. Start the date off by telling the person you are looking to make a new friend. Someone that you can get to know, find common interests, learn something new from, have fun with, and have the opportunity to remain friends. If something more happens, then great. If they turn out to be the love of your life, then great. But either way, regardless, your only expectation and only goal is to make a new friend.
You will find that every single person you meet will have something in common with you. Maybe they are completely different than you, but they bring out a new side of your personality that you don't normally see. And still, they have something in common with you.
You will also find that every single person you meet is special in someway, there is something truly unique about them, and there is something you can learn from them. You can create a friendship with every single person if you approach them this way.
In the process, you will find that you are learning, you are growing as a person, you are become more aware of who you are, and what makes YOU special.
Eventually you will start to realize that every person you meet can learn something from YOU. Because there is something about YOU that is truly unique, something truly special. People can learn from YOU. And because of this, anyone can be friends with you.
Approach it this way, and you will start to love dating. And when you least expect it, you will find someone that you really truly connect to and can truly love. And because you will be growing and learning, you will be ready to love someone else.
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$I enjoy dating because this way I'm able to know who's who. I'm able to learn new things from each date. Traits, attitudes and the way people think or their points of views will tell one's personality. But I don't believe that first impression lasts. I try not to make a first impression and give the person a chance to express himself.
Well, I hope my opinion helped. :D
By the way, I came across this site: url=www.marriage-agencies.comMarriage Agencies/url and it caught my attention. I just thought you might want to check it out later.
Have a nice day!
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
@ram, you've got some great advice. :)
These are great tips @ramkitten. I really appreciate them and reading this post gives me a more positive outlook. =). Thanks
What a positive outlook!
Hang in there. That "right one" often shows up when we least expect it. And you're hardly in the minority when it comes to not enjoying dating. I've heard that so much from single friends and also from those who aren't single anymore but remember well how much they hated dating until they found someone they really clicked with.