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No one has voted on this question yet :(
2 years, 1 month ago

Who Should Pay on a First Date?

Personally I'm old fashioned in that field, and I think a woman should be treated like a lady, especially on a first date. But in the age of 2010, feminine equality and all, do you think things should change? whats your perspective about that issue?
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m2ponce | 2 years, 1 month ago
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I am not really old fashioned but I still believe that the guy should pay on the first date. I know that first impression is a big thing and I believe that the guy should be gentleman enough to pamper the woman on their first date. It is not really to impress your date but as a courtesy, guys should pay first. On the second or third date, the woman may pay or you may split the bill unless the guy still insists to pay. Personally, if one our first date, the girl offers to foot the bill or pay half, I would politely decline and pay the full amount. I would not take it as an insult and It would make an impression that my date is very conscious on feminine equality or simple she just enjoyed her time.

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csmagor | 2 years, 1 month ago Report

Where I come from, the person who makes the invitation should pay.

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opher | 2 years, 1 month ago
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This is more appropriately a conundrum than a Mahalo question, as there really is no "right" or "wrong" answer.

The case for the man paying:

By offering to pay for the date the man is stating that he values the woman's going out with him, he puts forth the impression of a gentleman, and show confidence in his date's not taking advantage unscrupulously by ordering all the most expensive items on the menu simply because she can.

The case for each of the daters paying his/her own cost, or at least splitting the cost:

In the 21st century, post-womens-lib, there is a wide-spread perception that men and women are (or at least *should be*) equal. This means equal opportunities, and equal responsibilities. At least on a first date, this also prevents any feeling of obligation for a follow-on after-meal interaction of any sort, or a follow-on date simply because one party paid for the other's meal.

The case for the woman paying:

A woman who is very self-confident, and wishes to make a statement, can do so by offering to pay for the man's meal. This is especially so if the woman has a high income, and possibly higher than the man's, and even more so if she chose the venue.

Bottom line:

This one, as stated above, has no right or wrong answer. It depends on what each of the parties to the date wishes to project. Personally, when I was dating, I leaned toward the "each paying his/her own way" on a first date, and then to offering to pay for my date's meals if and when a relationship resulted.

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opher | 2 years, 1 month ago Report

I agree with @shadowbear. Unfortunately, at least in one case, this is not the first "unhelpful" vote I received from this person. I even DQ'ed the member in question on a previous occasion asking what about my answer had been unhelpful and never received a reply. Perhaps this member does not like me for some reason and has taken to down-voting my answers as a way to passively-aggressively display that.

The thing some people seem to be forgetting is that "unhelpful" is not the same as "an opinion I disagree with". It is intended to be used when the answer does not address the question, or is so poorly written that the content provides nothing of value to the discussion.

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shadowbear | 2 years, 1 month ago Report

I certainly do not understand the unhelpful votes given to opher's answer to this question, especially without even the concideration to comment as to why they were given.
I view this answer as a percise and quite reasonable answer to a question that is asked more as an opinion then a definitive answer.

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asianboy's Avatar
asianboy | 2 years, 1 month ago
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The guy, unless the girl is filthy rich.

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garyallen | 2 years, 1 month ago
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Old fashioned you may be, but like I always say, "Hey, it's the 90s, man."

I'm going to say whoever asked the other out. It is, after all, an invitation of sorts.

Justification? For educational purposes, straight out of thesaurus.com:

Main Entry: invite
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: ask to do something socially
Synonyms:
allure, appeal to, attract, beg, bid, bring on, call, command, countenance, court, draw, encourage, entice, entreat, give invitation, have in, have over, include as guest, insist, inveigle, invitation, issue, lead, lure, persuade, petition, ply, pray, press, prevail on, propose, provoke, request, send invitation, solicit, suggest, summon, supplicate, tempt, toll, urge, vamp, welcome, woo

Applicable to dating, I''d cherry-pick these: attract, court and woo.

But let's go back to "invite." If one intends to include the other as a guest, send the other an invitation or propose to the other, one isn't going to make the invited party pay.

The exception is a potluck or BYOB party, but that's not a dating scenario.
:
images:

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derekpeterson | 2 years, 1 month ago
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The person who asked the other out on the date should pay. In most heterosexual relationships, this will usually, but not necessarily, be the male. This rule allows us to avoid making gender assumptions through customs like "the man always pays."
source(s):
Reflection.

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femalien | 2 years, 1 month ago
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I think guys should pay, especially if they asked but in this day and age, both people should OFFER to pay and kind of argue over it, like "no really, I've got it" "no no, allow me" type of scenario. Then you can kind of get an idea if your date is stingy or generous. Ladies, if you offer to pay and the guy doesn't resist at all, cross him off the list! Or you could make a contract beforehand, like this guy tried to do...

http://krupsjustsayin.blogspot.com/2006/08/you-ate-food-you-drank-wine.html

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sweetbutvicious | 2 years, 1 month ago
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The guy should always pay.

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