Funny you should ask that. It's a long story. He was looking for one because he was invited to a costume party and he wanted to ironically go as a cop (the guy has a serious problem with authority and law enforcement in general). So, on his way to the costume shop just off the interstate, he gets pulled over because he was still doing 60 on the exit ramp and the posted speed is 35. Needless to say, Kimo was pretty upset.

Well, that's an understatement. Righteous indignation and a few comments about pork products and a few German epithets later, well, he ends up angering the cop and gets arrested. So, he gets roughly shoved into the back of the cruiser. Apparently, in his anger, the officer didn't notice that he shut the door on Kimo's parka and didn't get the door fully shut.

Well, the officer was apparently taking care of some errands because he stopped for gas. The officer went inside for some reason. It was more than to simply pay because he was in there for at least 15 minutes. So, Kimo tries to get his parka unstuck from the door and instead it opens the back door of the squad car. The door did a number on his zipper and it was ruined. So, as a payment, he ended up swiping the uniform that was hanging in the back of the squad car as a sort of citizen's tax to pay for the busted zipper on his parka.

And THAT'S where he got the meth. It was in the cop's uniform. He had no idea it was there. That's his story, and he's sticking to it.

He is a former KGB agent who was recruited by the CIA. The problem arose when the DOD contacted the NYPD and explained that they needed an agent to investigate the LAPD. The NYPD said that they did not have the personnel to lend to the DOD, but they did have a uniform that was stolen in a robbery from the LAPD and used to scam an officer of the NYPA. But the scammer was apprehended and the uniform was confiscated by the NYPD and had not been returned. The DOD was very grateful for the loan of the uniform but that did not solve the problem of an agent. So they requested a secret meeting with the NSA to explain their problem. The NSA passed the request on to the DHLS who was very suspicious of this request and asked the CIA to investigate. The CIA sent this former member of the KGB to investigate and she discovered that the request was indeed legitimate. So she volunteered to do the job for the DOD using the uniform that was stolen from the LAPD and confiscated by the NYPD. The only problem was that the DOD needed a man for this operation so she had a sex change that was paid for by left over funds from the AEC that had been secretly diverted to the NSA and then transferred to the CIA. I hope that this clears up any confusion.

Long, long ago, in ancient China, there was a society of assassins. These assassins were known, at that time, as hassassins, because they used hashish. This society of assassins was a well-kept secret. A large information network facilitated their actions.

Fast forward about a thousand years. The internet has revolutionized intelligence gathering. Yet, this is not enough. Information gathered on the internet can be entirely false. Thus, the modern information network depended on another facet of today's Western cultures (and in some part, old cultures): the homeless.

You see, my friends, homeless people are all spies working for this group of the world's greatest assassins. They are approached at a young age and given instruction in moral principles so strong that they take to the streets. However, sometimes these lessons are so psychologically damaging that they cause these young children to go crazy, or to develop mental disorders based on stress, which is why some homeless people have mental disorders or are crazy.

Fast forwards to today. The world has an uncounted number of homeless people. All spying on every activity in the world. They watch you 24/7. Through your windows, through your walls, through your skylights. They report it all back to their masters in the headquarters of this organization, which is based in China. Today, this organization has a large legitimate front. To give you a good picture of the size of this organization, let's say that all American products with the little golden "Made in China" label come from this company. Barack Obama has many, many people attempting to assassinate him. Terrorists are everywhere, and the CIA has outsourced the assassin group to preform a cheap assassination of a possible terrorist out in the middle of no-where. (Knowing the US government, of course, the victim would probably be entirely innocent). This is where the American/Chinese trade deficit comes from. These assassins then, in their mass-produced way of working, hire both a hitman and a number of spies. However, because of a glitch in the hiring system, the hitman ends up getting the spy gig, and the spy ends up getting the hitman gig. The hitman is given homeless rags, and sat outside on the street all night in the rain. Meanwhile, the homeless man sees this as a chance to make some scratch. Following in tradition, he is given a large amount of a potent drug to help him kill the hit.

He follows one of his other fellow spies to the police station to help him "find a place to spend the night", and hacks into the police mainframe using some of the Chinese technology given to him by his employers, and downloads the patrol routes of all police cars in a given area for the next few days. Hiding it quickly, he exits the building, the police not noticing him because he's "just another homeless guy". He then orchestrates a number of petty crimes with his other homeless friends, none of which stop any police cruiser, because no one seems to care about the homeless. When one does finally stop, the police officer inside gets out and maces the two fighters into submission, and then arrests both of them for disorderly conduct. During the fight, our spy friend steals a drycleaning bag from the cop car.

He opens the bag, and inside is a large dress.

Despairing, our friend goes to a bar and gets nice and drunk. Heading out into an alleyway, he slumps against a wall and stares at a brick wall, begging for cash, as he has trained to do all his life, and contemplates how he's going to get a cop's suit.

Just then, CJ comes by in a stolen Willard and runs over a cop standing on a corner, not to mention several other people, via vehicular manslaughter, then drives off into the distance with a 3-star rating.

Acting quickly, our spy friend pulls the cop into the alleyway and steals his clothes, then attempt to proceed to his hit, only to be picked up by another passing cop car.

A long, terribly awkward pause followed.

Then, the other police officer turned off his siren and arrived at the station. Upon check-in, someone noticed that our friend was slightly inebriated based on his breath and demanded his badge.

Noticing that he had no badge, our friend replied "I DONT HAVE TO SHOW YOU ANY STINKING BADGES". Then they all had a long, hard laugh and gave him a new one.

A few minutes later, he was out on another patrol, and making idle conversation with another police officer. Noticing a complete lack of knowledge of the rest of the force, the officer assumed that he was extremely drunk, and offered to take our friend back home. When he replied "I don't have a home", he was promptly arrested.

Cheers,

SDL.

What guy?

He stole it from a Halloween store!

Well it could be said that it all started at henry's birth, though he'd deny it. He would want you to believe him to be an upstanding citizen of his town. He would also tell you jello comes from the utters of the sea turtle, so we can't really take his word at much more than face value.

In truth, it began when he was born in the small town of shloppsville, south dakotalina. Born to loving, educated parents, Henry should have had an average life. Should have. If only he hadn't been misplaced in the hospital for a few hours following his birth.

Eventually, Henry was found in a janitors closet, soaking in a bucket of what could only be assumed to be amonia. The young couple that found him, James and isabelle, were already grieving over the stillbirth of the would-be child an hour previous. In their delirious sadness, they convinced themselves that this was their son, this amonia-stenched, adorable baby boy.

Seriously, i have no idea how this ties in with his outfit, but it is a pretty good representation of his formative hours.

He's probably a cop.

Well, apparently the he also was wearing a suit full of badges, so the badges will eventually reveal where he got the uniform from, until then we can only assume that there is an LAPD officer tied up and gagged in a distance warehouse.

EBAY HAS THEM.

lol wtf are you talking about? dood this Q aint even worth a buck