justin_time's Avatar
justin_time 2
169 Asked
320 Answered
174 Best
0
No one has voted on this question yet :(
2 years, 2 months ago

What can I do to prevent my first born from being super jealous now that our new baby has arrived?

My daughter is almost five. She's a smart, generally nice child, who has been a little bit spoiled by parents and grandparents. We brought home our new baby girl earlier this week and our older daughter has been misbehaving, sulking, and acting out to a degree greater than we had anticipated.

What can we do to mitigate this problem? We already talked to her several times, explaining how we don't love the baby more than her and she's still "the big sister." How long will this behavior continue?
Tip for best answer: M$1.50
Separate topics with commas, or by pressing return. Use the delete or backspace key to edit or remove existing topics.

You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.

M$

What is Your Answer?

0
0
0

4 Answers

1
tracebooks's Avatar
tracebooks | 2 years, 2 months ago
17
What I did long before the baby was born (both times) was to emphasize that the baby was going to belong to all of us. It wasn't just Mommy's baby or Daddy's baby; it was the older siblings' baby, too. I made sure to get plenty of pictures with the older child/ren and not just the new baby. And several relatives brought gifts to the older sibling/s as well as baby gifts.

I also found ways for the older kids to help. With my second child, my first was only 2 1/2, so he couldn't do a lot. But he could bring me diapers. He risked killing her with kindness because he wanted to hug her so much and didn't know his own strength, with the result that by the time she was 6 days old she'd see him coming and straight-arm him. It was hilarious to watch!

She was 5 1/2 by the time the next one was born, and we made very sure to emphasize that she finally got to be a "big" sister. She was still going to be a little sister, but we made it seem like a promotion, complete with t-shirts, badge, and even a little tiara. It helped that the youngest is also a girl. We had her help by of course bringing diapers; having her sing to her (make sure you record that; it's priceless); having her tell the baby stories; making her sort of a protector by having her watch the baby briefly while I did things like use the bathroom or got myself a glass of water. My husband and I tried very hard to make the position of "big sister" seem as important as possible.

In retrospect, she still had to adjust, but I think it was a lot easier and happened with a lot more ease than if we hadn't prepared her and made it a big deal. Now, at almost 11, we've just started seeing rivalry. She's beginning to look like a teen, while her little sister is still a preschooler, having just turned 5. There are more demands on her now, while her little sister is still very young, and she's finding that hard to deal with. But when her little sister was newborn, the adjustment period was pretty easy.
source(s):
I have 3 kids, and this is something we dealt with ahead of time as much as possible

You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.

M$
justin_time's Avatar
justin_time | 2 years, 2 months ago Report

That sounds like some good advice. That stuff is hard to do the first week, but we will implement some of it. We've been exhausted and have all we could do to adjust. Having the second one is easier than the first, so far, but I didn't expect my older daughter to be this jealous. I could see things such as the "nobody loves me" behavior, but I don't understand the brattiness. She's acting like someone else's kid. It's strange!

Report Abuse

Post Reply Cancel
1
stacy1172's Avatar
stacy1172 | 2 years, 2 months ago
4
It sounds like she is trying to get some attention anyway she can. New babies need a lot of attention. This can cause siblings to feel like they aren't loved anymore. Be sure and spend some time with her. Reading her a bedtime story, or taking a short walk each afternoon, without the quality time being interrupted can make a big difference in how she feels. My kids are 8 years apart and it can be tough trying to balance keeping the older ones happy and taking care of a newborn. But she will adjust, it will just take her a bit of time to get use to the new member of the family! :-)

You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.

M$

Report Abuse

Post Reply Cancel
0
thetfox's Avatar
thetfox | 2 years, 2 months ago
2
Small children do need a lot of attention, and a new baby coming in can usually make a child become quite jealous, and often make them feel as though they are no longer loved. Since your daughter is 5, and she is a daughter (boys tend to not be as good at this) it is sometimes possible to appeal to the motherly nature of the child, saying that you need her help, and that she gets to be the big girl and it is her job to help with the baby. The other posts also offer some good ideas, a combination of these should help your daughter out, just make sure that jealousy is unfounded, your 5 year old still needs a lot of care and attention too.
source(s):
I used to be a preschool teacher, not an authority on the subject, but some personal experience

You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.

M$

Report Abuse

Post Reply Cancel
0
sunshine09's Avatar
sunshine09 | 2 years, 2 months ago
9
My two children are 4 years apart. When we had our second child the first was not only amazed but loving and caring as well. Many of our friends brought the oldest one a gift when they bought the new baby one. This helped out a great deal !! I included her in everything I could where the new baby was concerned. I also gave the oldest one as much indiviual attention as I could. It all worked out great!! She loved her baby sister and still does. The two of them are very close and love each other very much !!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sandramac/2155057873/

You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.

M$

Report Abuse

Post Reply Cancel

Learn something new with our FREE educational apps!

Private lessons in the comfort of your own home. Get back in shape or finally pick up a guitar with our great experts guiding you the whole way!
Learn Guitar
Learn Hip Hop
Learn Pilates