What about marriage counselors?
I have never known one to tell a wife she was at fault for anything. I am asking because a relative of mine is working 7x24 to support and care for three children under 5 while his wife does nothing but run around and shop and visit with her girl friends. They went to a financial counselor who told them he need to get an additional job. Now he wants to try a marriage counselor. He wants someone to tell her to get off her butt and help him. I don't think he will get any help from a mirriage counselor.
Am I right or am I wrong. I welcome both opinions.
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M$5 Answers
"Preprogrammed to favor the wife?" Not a GOOD therapist...
The only person you can change is YOU. If he isn't taking responsibility for his part of the problem, then, no... therapy will NOT work.
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M$
The problem, as I see it, is so.
One, there is a social stigma to psychotherapy in a way that medical treatment does not have. So you can ask a friend for a Dr. referral but not for a therapist referral.
Second, there are many different philosophies of therapy, some of which are better than others. Some are backed up by science and some are not.
Third, there are several different levels of people that can provide psychotherapy. It can be someone with a Master's Degree in Social work, a Master's Degree in Counseling, a Master's Degree in Marriage/Family therapy, a Doctorate in Psychology, or even a medical degree with a specialty in psychiatry. It's very hard to know how or who to choose, and what the benefits and drawbacks of each group is.
Fourth, quality therapy can be expensive, and many insurances don't cover it, or cover a limited number of providers.
So, to answer your question, you can find a good, even-handed marriage counselor, but it can be hard. Especially if one of the people in the relationship is not committed to change.
Working as a support personnel for health professional licensing, personal observations of my own and friends experiences with therapists and therapy.
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M$
Yes, yes, yes!
Even here in California, they are trying to pass a "Licensed Professional Counselor" (*shutter*). There's a dirth of names out there...
I'm trying to fight the stigma of therapy. I've had a number of clients come to me, not because there's a problem, but because they want to go from "good" to "great". Too many people wait until they are desperate to find help.
Now... regarding the cost... Here's a secret for all things: You can always try to negotiate. Figure out what you can afford and then approach the therapist with that. Working for a non-profit allows me more flexibility, but you can ALWAYS negotiate.
Great answer, carriep!
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M$
Based on my personal experience, anytime one person goes to therapy with the sole aim of "fixing" the other person, it does not work. Plus, I don't see any incentive for the wife to change, without that therapy does not work.
I think he needs to figure out why he can't talk to his wife and tell her she needs to stop spending money--the lack of communication is at issues as much as her behavior.
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M$You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
How is it ever the 'cheatee's fault in any way if someone cheats? Regardless of the state of the relationship, I just can't see how an affair can ever be blamed even the tiniest bit on the one who gets cheated on. Even if the one who gets cheated on is a terrible partner or whatever, the proper response is to leave the relationship, not betray it. Two wrongs never make a right.
I KNEW someone was going to have a negative reaction...
Your response contains a very simplistic answer to the problem ("the proper response it to leave the relationship"). Life is not that simple. There are many factors that play into working to keep the relationship intact.
I'll reiterate my answer... In the long-run, it's not useful to identify who is at fault or who is to be blamed. For both individuals and, perhaps, for the relationship, both parties have to own their part of the problem. The cheeter has a LOT to own. The one who has been cheeted on ALSO has to own their part of the problem.
But, I guess it IS easier to point at someone else and say it is their fault... Maybe, in the long-run, easier is better....