3 years, 1 month ago
TASK: Transcribe Kevin Pollak's Interview with Jim Gaffigan
Please do a transcript of this epic interview with some additional commentary in it. Like Darcy did for the Jon Stewart vs. Jim Cramer interview here:
http://www.mahalo.com/answers/money/jim-cramer-jon-stewart-fight-video-with-transcript
You can find the video at Episode 2:
http://kevinpollakschatshow.com/
http://www.mahalo.com/answers/money/jim-cramer-jon-stewart-fight-video-with-transcript
You can find the video at Episode 2:
http://kevinpollakschatshow.com/
images:
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M$2 Answers
(intro)
Kevin Pollak: My first guest I saw on David Letterman, I believe, the first time. It might have been Conan O’Brien, one of those two. I’ll have him clear that up for us. It was one of those things, where as a stand-up my whole life, literally since the age of 10, my spider-senses tingle when someone just hits it so far you’ll never find the ball. Letterman thought so much of this gentleman that he decided to build a TV show around him, as he had for Ray Romano. Then, as time went on, I saw him on Conan O’Brien. He had become so familiar with Conan that there was suddenly an animated series starring the two of them called Pale Force, I believe. It just completely and utterly blew my mind. So when this show started to come together, and I started to put together my wishlist, this gentleman was one of the 1st ten names, I’ll have you know. I’ll have *him* know, as he’s sitting here now because I admire someone who can stand on that stage alone and let their thoughts come forth and take the audience for a ride of their choosing for an hour and 90 minutes, whatever they do. I understand the ebb and flow and what it takes to craft that. And this guy’s so prolific that it’s evolving, every year it seems to be a whole new act. We’ll get into that. Please welcome, Mr. Jim Gaffigan.
Jim Gaffigan: Thanks Kevin.
KP: Thank you so much for being here! (applause) That’s the crew! They love him.
JG: Thank you. They’ve got good taste.
KP: Now, I’ll give you what I promise to give every guest.
JG: OK.
KP: An opportunity throughout our interview to work on the following because, at the end of the interview, I’m going to ask you to do this.
JG: OK.
KP: It’s called the “Larry King Game.”
JG: laughing OK?
KP: All right? It’s uh…it’s a parting gift, a home game you can play with your friends. It helps to be slightly intoxicated; I’m not going to lie to you.
JG: All right.
KP: The premise of the “Larry King Game” is this. Larry King, God Bless him, he’s 102.
JG: Yeah.
KP: Hell of a career. But so… it’s my belief that it’s only a matter of time before he accidentally shares something about himself on the air that perhaps he shouldn’t.
JG: Yes.
KP: So when it’s your turn to play the “Larry King Game,” you must do a bad Larry King impression. That’s kind of the good news.
JG: OK.
KP: That’s everyone.
JG: OK.
KP: If it’s a good Larry King impression, it doesn’t count.
JG: OK.
KP: You lose. So it has to be a bad Larry King impression. The worse, the better.
JG: OK.
KP: Then reveal something about yourself as Larry King that no one should know, as if you’re on the air.
JG: OK.
KP: And then the third step is to go to the phones. And when you go to the phone, the name of the city, it helps if it’s funny-sounding.
JG: Right.
KP: I’ll give you an example. So you really have an idea.
Larry King voice "Thanksgiving, I like to teabag the gravy boats before the guests arrive…New Peters, California, hello."
laughs All right. That is… as good or as bad as it gets.
JG: Right.
KP: So no pressure, and you have the next, uh, twenty plus minutes to work on that.
JG: OK.
KP: Tonight, in forty minutes, coast to coast…
JG: Coast to coast.
KP: …is the debut of….which special is this, your stand up comedy, your third? Fifth? Tenth?
JG: Uh, third.
KP: Third.
JG: Third.
KP: OK. how long in preparation did you work on most of the material?
JG: Um… well, you know, I would say about 2 and half years. But, I mean, I’m an observational guy, so it’s not like Cheney can shoot someone and I can…
KP: Right.
JG: …get… you know the…
KP: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
JG: …the most jealous of, like, Louis Black, you know…
KP: Right.
JG: It’s like, “Someone shot someone? He’s got ten minutes!”
KP: Right, right.
JG: So, you know, when you’re talking about, like, ketchup or the truly mundane…
KP: Right.
JG: Maybe I can make a glass of water funny. I… and then…um…
KP: Right.
JG: …work on it for a bit and a lot of times there’s nothing there. But…
KP: Right.
JG: So it takes some time, but I really kind of uh went into obsession mode like the last six months leading up to it. And, um… you know, it’s, it’s uh… it’s, you know, I wish there was some magic. I mean, you..
KP: No, no.
JG: …as a comedian, you know it. It’s like, if there were just some formula like, “All right, all I have to do is drink a Diet Coke…”
KP: Right.
JG: …and then start typing and it just comes out.
KP: And, and how are you facing the blank page? How does that work for your process? For me, I stopped carrying around a Dictaphone and I stopped recording my sets, which is really stupid, and every time I thought of something funny I would tell a few people and if they laughed, it got into the act.
JG: Yeah.
KP: What is your process?
Kevin Pollak: My first guest I saw on David Letterman, I believe, the first time. It might have been Conan O’Brien, one of those two. I’ll have him clear that up for us. It was one of those things, where as a stand-up my whole life, literally since the age of 10, my spider-senses tingle when someone just hits it so far you’ll never find the ball. Letterman thought so much of this gentleman that he decided to build a TV show around him, as he had for Ray Romano. Then, as time went on, I saw him on Conan O’Brien. He had become so familiar with Conan that there was suddenly an animated series starring the two of them called Pale Force, I believe. It just completely and utterly blew my mind. So when this show started to come together, and I started to put together my wishlist, this gentleman was one of the 1st ten names, I’ll have you know. I’ll have *him* know, as he’s sitting here now because I admire someone who can stand on that stage alone and let their thoughts come forth and take the audience for a ride of their choosing for an hour and 90 minutes, whatever they do. I understand the ebb and flow and what it takes to craft that. And this guy’s so prolific that it’s evolving, every year it seems to be a whole new act. We’ll get into that. Please welcome, Mr. Jim Gaffigan.
Jim Gaffigan: Thanks Kevin.
KP: Thank you so much for being here! (applause) That’s the crew! They love him.
JG: Thank you. They’ve got good taste.
KP: Now, I’ll give you what I promise to give every guest.
JG: OK.
KP: An opportunity throughout our interview to work on the following because, at the end of the interview, I’m going to ask you to do this.
JG: OK.
KP: It’s called the “Larry King Game.”
JG: laughing OK?
KP: All right? It’s uh…it’s a parting gift, a home game you can play with your friends. It helps to be slightly intoxicated; I’m not going to lie to you.
JG: All right.
KP: The premise of the “Larry King Game” is this. Larry King, God Bless him, he’s 102.
JG: Yeah.
KP: Hell of a career. But so… it’s my belief that it’s only a matter of time before he accidentally shares something about himself on the air that perhaps he shouldn’t.
JG: Yes.
KP: So when it’s your turn to play the “Larry King Game,” you must do a bad Larry King impression. That’s kind of the good news.
JG: OK.
KP: That’s everyone.
JG: OK.
KP: If it’s a good Larry King impression, it doesn’t count.
JG: OK.
KP: You lose. So it has to be a bad Larry King impression. The worse, the better.
JG: OK.
KP: Then reveal something about yourself as Larry King that no one should know, as if you’re on the air.
JG: OK.
KP: And then the third step is to go to the phones. And when you go to the phone, the name of the city, it helps if it’s funny-sounding.
JG: Right.
KP: I’ll give you an example. So you really have an idea.
Larry King voice "Thanksgiving, I like to teabag the gravy boats before the guests arrive…New Peters, California, hello."
laughs All right. That is… as good or as bad as it gets.
JG: Right.
KP: So no pressure, and you have the next, uh, twenty plus minutes to work on that.
JG: OK.
KP: Tonight, in forty minutes, coast to coast…
JG: Coast to coast.
KP: …is the debut of….which special is this, your stand up comedy, your third? Fifth? Tenth?
JG: Uh, third.
KP: Third.
JG: Third.
KP: OK. how long in preparation did you work on most of the material?
JG: Um… well, you know, I would say about 2 and half years. But, I mean, I’m an observational guy, so it’s not like Cheney can shoot someone and I can…
KP: Right.
JG: …get… you know the…
KP: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
JG: …the most jealous of, like, Louis Black, you know…
KP: Right.
JG: It’s like, “Someone shot someone? He’s got ten minutes!”
KP: Right, right.
JG: So, you know, when you’re talking about, like, ketchup or the truly mundane…
KP: Right.
JG: Maybe I can make a glass of water funny. I… and then…um…
KP: Right.
JG: …work on it for a bit and a lot of times there’s nothing there. But…
KP: Right.
JG: So it takes some time, but I really kind of uh went into obsession mode like the last six months leading up to it. And, um… you know, it’s, it’s uh… it’s, you know, I wish there was some magic. I mean, you..
KP: No, no.
JG: …as a comedian, you know it. It’s like, if there were just some formula like, “All right, all I have to do is drink a Diet Coke…”
KP: Right.
JG: …and then start typing and it just comes out.
KP: And, and how are you facing the blank page? How does that work for your process? For me, I stopped carrying around a Dictaphone and I stopped recording my sets, which is really stupid, and every time I thought of something funny I would tell a few people and if they laughed, it got into the act.
JG: Yeah.
KP: What is your process?
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M$
I hate to be a quitter on this one, but perhaps you guys can take what I have so far and run with it.
KP: Please welcome, Mr. Jim Gaffigan.
JG: Thanks Kevin. inaudible
KP: Thank you so much for being here!
clapping
KP: That’s the crew!
JG: Thank you.
KP: They love him.
JG: They’ve got good taste.
KP: Mmm… drinking
KP: Now umm… I’ll give you what I’ll… what I promise to give every guest.
JG: OK.
KP: An opportunity throughout our interview to work on the following, because at the end of the interview I’m going to ask you to do this.
JG: OK.
KP: It’s called the “Larry King Game.”
JG: laughing OK?
KP: All right? It’s uh… It’s uh… It’s a parting gift, a home game you can play with your friends. It helps to be slightly intoxicated; I’m not going to lie to you.
JG: All right.
KP: Uhhh… the premise of the “Larry King Game” is this. Larry King, God Bless him, he’s102.
JG: Yeah.
KP: Hell of a career. But.. so… it’s my belief that it’s only a matter of time before he accidentally shares something about himself on the air that perhaps he shouldn’t.
JG: Yes.
So when it’s your turn to play the “Larry King Game,” you must do a bad Larry King Impression. That’s kind of the good news.
JG: OK.
KP: That’s everyone.
JG: OK.
KP: If it’s a good Larry King impression it doesn’t count.
JG: OK.
KP: You lose. So it has to be a bad Larry King impression. The worse, the better.
JG: OK.
KP: Then reveal something about yourself as Larry King that no one should know, as if you’re on the air.
JG: OK.
KP: And then the third step is to go to the phones. And when you go to the phone, the name of the city, it helps if it’s funny sounding.
JG: Right.
KP: I’ll give you an example. So you really…
JG: Yes.
KP: … have an idea.
KP: Larry King voice "Thanksgiving, I like to teabag the gravy boats before the guests arrive…. "
silence
KP: "New Peters, California, hello."
laughs
KP: All right. That is… as good or as bad as it gets.
JG: Right.
KP: So no pressure, and you have the next, uh, twenty plus minutes to work on that.
JG: OK.
KP: Um… tonight, in um forty minutes, Coast to Coast…
JG: Coast to Coast.
KP: …is the debut of uh… how… how… which special is this, your stand up comedy, your third? Fifth? Tenth?
JG: Uh, third.
KP: Third.
JG: Third.
KP: OK. Um, how long in preparation did you work on most of the material?
JG: Um… well, you know, I would say about 2 and half years. But, I mean, I’m an observational guy, so it’s not like Cheney can shoot someone and I can…
KP: Right.
JG: …get… you know the…
KP: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
JG: …the most jealous of, like, Louis Black, you know…
KP: Right.
JG: It’s like, “Someone shot someone? He’s got ten minutes!”
KP: Right,, right.
JG: So, you know, when you’re talking about, like, ketchup or the truly mundane…
KP: Right.
JG: Maybe I can make a glass of water funny. I… and then…um…
KP: Right.
JG: …work on it for a bit and a lot of times there’s nothing there. But…
KP: Right.
JG: So it takes some time, but I really kind of uh went into obsession mode like the last six months leading up to it. And, um… you know, it’s, it’s uh… it’s, you know, eh... I wish there was some magic. I mean, you..
KP: No, no.
JG: …as a comedian, you know it. It’s like, if there were just some formula like, “All right, all I have to do is drink a Diet Coke…”
KP: Right.
JG: …and then start typing and it just comes out.
KP: And, and how are you facing the blank page? How does that work for your process? For me, I stopped carrying around a Dictaphone…
JG: Yeah.
KP: …and I stopped recording my sets, which is really stupid, and every time I thought of something funny I would tell a few people and if they laughed, it got into the act.
JG: Yeah.
KP: What is your process?
JG: Uh, my process is very much, you know, my, uh… I’m married to a very funny woman, who, uh, you know… people will give me a suggestion, like my manager said, you know, “You’re kind of a lazy guy… hammocks!” And so my wife and I will just talk about hammocks and… there’s a couple of minutes on hammocks. I don’t know if it’s in this special, but it’s on the DVD. And so there’s different things that I’ll write down...
KP: Right.
JG: You know, you know, the kernels of something
KP: Bullet points?
JG: Yeah, that whole idea of soup in a bread bowl
KP: Please welcome, Mr. Jim Gaffigan.
JG: Thanks Kevin. inaudible
KP: Thank you so much for being here!
clapping
KP: That’s the crew!
JG: Thank you.
KP: They love him.
JG: They’ve got good taste.
KP: Mmm… drinking
KP: Now umm… I’ll give you what I’ll… what I promise to give every guest.
JG: OK.
KP: An opportunity throughout our interview to work on the following, because at the end of the interview I’m going to ask you to do this.
JG: OK.
KP: It’s called the “Larry King Game.”
JG: laughing OK?
KP: All right? It’s uh… It’s uh… It’s a parting gift, a home game you can play with your friends. It helps to be slightly intoxicated; I’m not going to lie to you.
JG: All right.
KP: Uhhh… the premise of the “Larry King Game” is this. Larry King, God Bless him, he’s102.
JG: Yeah.
KP: Hell of a career. But.. so… it’s my belief that it’s only a matter of time before he accidentally shares something about himself on the air that perhaps he shouldn’t.
JG: Yes.
So when it’s your turn to play the “Larry King Game,” you must do a bad Larry King Impression. That’s kind of the good news.
JG: OK.
KP: That’s everyone.
JG: OK.
KP: If it’s a good Larry King impression it doesn’t count.
JG: OK.
KP: You lose. So it has to be a bad Larry King impression. The worse, the better.
JG: OK.
KP: Then reveal something about yourself as Larry King that no one should know, as if you’re on the air.
JG: OK.
KP: And then the third step is to go to the phones. And when you go to the phone, the name of the city, it helps if it’s funny sounding.
JG: Right.
KP: I’ll give you an example. So you really…
JG: Yes.
KP: … have an idea.
KP: Larry King voice "Thanksgiving, I like to teabag the gravy boats before the guests arrive…. "
silence
KP: "New Peters, California, hello."
laughs
KP: All right. That is… as good or as bad as it gets.
JG: Right.
KP: So no pressure, and you have the next, uh, twenty plus minutes to work on that.
JG: OK.
KP: Um… tonight, in um forty minutes, Coast to Coast…
JG: Coast to Coast.
KP: …is the debut of uh… how… how… which special is this, your stand up comedy, your third? Fifth? Tenth?
JG: Uh, third.
KP: Third.
JG: Third.
KP: OK. Um, how long in preparation did you work on most of the material?
JG: Um… well, you know, I would say about 2 and half years. But, I mean, I’m an observational guy, so it’s not like Cheney can shoot someone and I can…
KP: Right.
JG: …get… you know the…
KP: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
JG: …the most jealous of, like, Louis Black, you know…
KP: Right.
JG: It’s like, “Someone shot someone? He’s got ten minutes!”
KP: Right,, right.
JG: So, you know, when you’re talking about, like, ketchup or the truly mundane…
KP: Right.
JG: Maybe I can make a glass of water funny. I… and then…um…
KP: Right.
JG: …work on it for a bit and a lot of times there’s nothing there. But…
KP: Right.
JG: So it takes some time, but I really kind of uh went into obsession mode like the last six months leading up to it. And, um… you know, it’s, it’s uh… it’s, you know, eh... I wish there was some magic. I mean, you..
KP: No, no.
JG: …as a comedian, you know it. It’s like, if there were just some formula like, “All right, all I have to do is drink a Diet Coke…”
KP: Right.
JG: …and then start typing and it just comes out.
KP: And, and how are you facing the blank page? How does that work for your process? For me, I stopped carrying around a Dictaphone…
JG: Yeah.
KP: …and I stopped recording my sets, which is really stupid, and every time I thought of something funny I would tell a few people and if they laughed, it got into the act.
JG: Yeah.
KP: What is your process?
JG: Uh, my process is very much, you know, my, uh… I’m married to a very funny woman, who, uh, you know… people will give me a suggestion, like my manager said, you know, “You’re kind of a lazy guy… hammocks!” And so my wife and I will just talk about hammocks and… there’s a couple of minutes on hammocks. I don’t know if it’s in this special, but it’s on the DVD. And so there’s different things that I’ll write down...
KP: Right.
JG: You know, you know, the kernels of something
KP: Bullet points?
JG: Yeah, that whole idea of soup in a bread bowl
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
KP: And the audience knew that he was….?
JG: and the audience knew that…and I just announced it, “I’m just gonna go kill myself now.” And so the audience, once they realized that I was unaware that he was severely handicapped, they kinda forgave me, but that’s always one of the gems that sticks out in your mind. If you can’t see the person, that might be how they respond.
KP: Do remember when your introduction was overly important because you’re very insecure about your act so you actually make such a fine point about what the MC says, how he introduces you, because you want the audience’s attention. “oh, this guy might be somebody that we should listen to.
JG: oh yeah, yeah.
KP: Setting the importance of the introduction…I’m in the kitchen of a restaurant that has comedy night, in the early stages of mine, and I am waiting for that all-important introduction , and instead of it, this is what I hear: Ladies and Gentleman, we’re out of thousand island. Now here’s….
JG: oh, that’s great. I was so desperate… I started in the early 90s where essentially the initial comedy boom, you know evening at the improv…
KP: It was dead by ’92.
JG: It was dead, and so literally when I started, along with some friends, it was kind of like signing up to be a phonograph repairman. It was like, are you sure you want to do this? It was like no stage time so I would do like poetry readings. I was doing about any place I could perform, and I was dealing with a lot of stage fright too so I knew that I kinda just had to do it to get it over with. There was also, you know, New Jack City had just come out. So there were these comedy rooms in Harlem, New Jack Comics, for new comics. So I was like, well, alright I’ll go up there. I was being introduced…you know, it was not my room. I look like this, I’m more than this hip-hop exterior, so you know…I was being introduced, and the guy was like, “Alright our new comic’s a white guy….boooooo!”
KP: Literally said, our next comic’s a white guy?
JG: yeah, yeah…there are a lot of comics with like street credentials who can like use the fact that they’re white in an urban setting. And he said, “and this guy’s REALLY white.” It was just like double-boo. I was literally up there for like 5 seconds, and people were like, you know we’re not even gonna try. So, there was a lot of moments like that where you just gotta plod through it and go alright…and there were plenty of comics who could have pulled it off, but not a slow-talking Midwestern guy that talks about manatees and bacon.
KP: And who moves on stage like a robot, as we saw on the video. I would be strung up in the town square if I didn’t ask you…What is the genesis, that’s my interviewer/journalistic way of asking what’s the deal with, the secondary voice that represents the audience? From a fellow professional’s point of view, I should inform that, to give extra credit here, is my interest. In fact, it’s one of the things that blows my mind, how great it is when you do it. This padding, if you will, has been around as a device for quite a long time, used by others to varying degrees. Never has it become a signature, has it become beyond reinventing the wheel, it has part and parcel to, I think the reason people come to these sell out shows at these theaters that you’re now performing in. What is the deal?
JG: You know, it’s definitely an aspect of my personality…talking for other people to alleviate any awkwardness. Say, if I’m running late, I mean my wife…cause initially, I would say in interviews, I would say well you know, “I was performing at these performance arts places on the lower east side, and I would do these characters”…which I did…”which were older ladies that were very dissatisfied, and they would be improvised characters.” And my wife was like, “it’s totally part of your personality.” Where if I am running late, you cut the tension by just going, you know, “Jim I can’t believe you’re late. I told you to be here at 4 and you get here at 4:55? And that’s kind of messing me up, you know.” And so…
KP: Your wife can’t really say that now…
JG: It’s just an effective tool to kind of diffuse. Stand up is very much a conversation so if I talk to the audience. Say I am doing 10 minutes on bacon, if halfway through, I acknowledge that they’re aware that I am going long then there’s some humor, there’s a familiarity and it’s an acknowledgement of it, but…
KP: It also organically brings them into the experience a thousand fold. You already have their attention, they’re already in your rhythm in your own voice, and then once you start representing their thoughts, they simply could not be more of a part of your show.
JG: I think as a writer, it’s great to have this additional point of view. So its like I have this, the id, this lazy guy who doesn’t want to get off the couch. Or it gives the opportunity for this opposite point of view. But it is strange. Every comedian knows that kind of bagging on your own material, while Carson used it so effectively, it really is, the insecurity in stand up comedy is usually it’s like suicide. I don’t know why you’d do it. It took me a fair amount of times of it not working. Because if an audience thinks if you don’t have confidence in your performance or your jokes, then they’re not going to have confidence. So it’s a weird thing, but I also love it because it has this improv element where I can address, talk about, these evergreen topics, then depending on what city I am in, I can work in how it might tie to that. Like if I am in Louisville, and I am talking about fried chicken, the inside voice can be like, I can’t believe he’s not talking about KFC, I mean we are KFC. Or, if you’re in Boston, dude I can’t believe this guy’s bagging on Dunkin Donuts. We love Dunkin Donuts. I gotta kick his ass, you know. And every comedian, you know this, every comedian you look out when you’re doing a show, and you could be killing, and there are always a couple of eyes that are just like (looks off aimlessly to the side). You don’t know where they are. But you have to interpret, it’s like acting. You have to sit there and listen to their eyes.
KP: why’s it always the guys in the front row that are sitting like this by the way? (sits back with arms crossed in front of chest). Did they just bring this guy in? Or does he say…sit me in the front, I hate this guy. Cause I always see that guy. And I want him dead.
JG: Yeah.
KP: So, is it something, like I was saying, a lot of my material is just sort of born on stage from just a few ideas that I will bounce off my friends. Then it really takes form on stage the first time. The audience’s voice, sorry I’m not gonna get off this topic cause I don’t think I am the only one fascinated by it, did it come to fruition on stage, was it something you actually sat down and crafted or you threw it out there a few times initially and you saw the immediate response it got then it started to develop and grow and then became a fungus.
JG: There were so many years where I was so terrified when I was on stage that whole task of getting your personality on stage was something. But…
KP: You’re at the top of your game right now, and you’re still not comfortable on stage. That’s the sense that I get. You’re in control. You know exactly what the hell you’re doing but you’d kinda rather not be there.
JG: For a creative person, I look at actors and I go…the feedback, the immediate feedback of standup comedy whether you’re a writer or performer…
KP: it’s unbeatable.
JG: it’s amazing when you hear about a comedian, it’s like “I wrote a screenplay.” It’s like…
KP: Why?
JG: Don’t you get immediate feedback on ideas? You write a screenplay and you hand it to someone and then 3 months later they’re like…yeah, he’s going on vacation, he’s going to read it. The inside voice was definitely…there were certain rooms, you know the DC Improv, there are certain cities like Minneapolis and Seattle or San Fransisco where the more eccentric you are…
KP: that’s where I’m from and they looove that.
JG: it’s kind of strange because I am kind of a topical observational guy but there’s a very kind of eccentric side. Because when I started, there wasn’t kind of the ‘underground room’ or these alternative rooms. They came later on. So to answer your question, the inside voice just came out of just having so much fun on stage in certain rooms. Even gotham in new york, was one of these rooms where the audience was gonna be…they wanted interesting, now alternative rooms. They wanted interesting, they wanted challenging. Theater shows are obviously such a blast just like, it doesn’t get much better than that in my view. You’re in a historic theater, people who paid to see you. You don’t have to worry about the guy who’s like, “yeah I just came from burger king, I guess I’ll come in here.” So its just amazing.
KP: Lets go to the folks, see what kinda questions they’re gonna offer up. Because, as you probably heard me going on and on about, I kinda want this to be their show as well. Yeah, this is something that kinda comes up on most talk shows. Letterman asks this a lot. Well, let’s see…I do like these conversations. Horrible jobs prior to stand up, not in the industry of any kind. Sort of that last memory of, oh god…if that’s what I was doing now.
JG: Yeah, my day job…I kept my day job a lot longer than my other peers....
to be continued...
KP: There should be a joke on it. I think it baffles everyone.
JG: Yeah, it's just weird. And so it's kind of a situation where something will kinda float around, and sometimes you'll just hit gold. And, for me, I like to obsess on a topic and really kinda get it from every angle like really just pick the meat off the bone, and….
KP: Literally. You're a bit of a foodie. Admit it.
JG: Yeah, I am a foodie. And after my last special, I was like alright, "No more food jokes. I don't wanna be the food comic!"
KP: Too late!
JG: And it's just, it's, you know, it's involuntary.
KP: It's absurd, first of all...food. Most of it, it's absurd.
JG: It's absurd, and it's definitely universal. There's no...you don't have to explain a lot. You don't have to worry about a certain segment of the audience being kind of like offended or hypersensitive to it. so it's, um...there is something beautiful about food. And obviously, if you write about things you're passionate about, it really kinda flows.
KP: Now, I think we have a clip loaded up from King Baby, which debuts tonight coast to coast at 6 o'clock west coast, 9 o'clock east coast. Please do the rest of the math on your own.
(to someone off camera)
Do we have it and is this the one that has something to do with pork? Yep?
(to Jim)
Is there anything you wanna say or should we just roll it and talk afterwards?
JG: I think it's just one of the more beautiful foods on this planet.
JG: Uh, my process is very much, you know, my, uh… I’m married to a very funny woman, who, uh, you know… people will give me a suggestion, like my manager said, you know, “You’re kind of a lazy guy… hammocks!” And so then my wife and I will just talk about hammocks and… there’s a couple of minutes on hammocks. I don’t know if it’s in this special, but it’s on the DVD. And so there’s different things that I’ll write down...
KP: Right.
JG: You know, you know, the kernels of something
KP: Bullet points?
JG: Yeah, like that whole idea of soup in a bread bowl. Like I don't have a joke on it but it's kinda like bouncing around up there.
KP: I'll say.
JG: which is bacon, you know and God bless the orthodox Jews that cannot enjoy bacon. I feel for them.
KP: Right, my family is so reformed Jew that we’re Catholic so I’ve eaten bacon my entire life. Alright, so let’s please roll the clip starting now…
(cut to video clip of King Baby)
Of course what makes breakfast in bed so special is that you're lying down and eating bacon, the most beautiful thing on earth. Bacon is the best. Even the frying of bacon sounds like applause it’s like...ahhh yayyy bacon! You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon. If it weren't for bacon, we wouldn't even know what a water chestnut is. (deep voice) "Thank you bacon. Sincerely, Water Chestnut III." And those bits of bacon! Bits of bacon are like the fairy dust of the food community. Don't want this baked potato? brrrrrring! Now it's your favorite part of the meal. Not interested in a salad? bippity boppity bacon! I just turned it into an entree. But once you put bacon into a salad, it's no longer a salad. It just becomes a game of "find the bacon in the lettuce." It's like you're panning for gold. Eureka! Bacon!
Not many ways to prepare bacon. You can either fry it or get botulism. It’s amazing the shrinkage that occurs. You start with a pound; you end up with a bookmark. Really the only bad part about bacon is that it makes you thirsty...for more bacon! I never feel like I get enough bacon. At breakfast, it's like they're rationing it. "Here's your 2 strips of bacon." I want more! More bacon! Whenever you're at a brunch buffet and you see that big metal tray filled with like 4000 pieces of bacon, don't you almost expect a rainbow to be coming out of it? I found it! I found it! I found the source of all bacon! That bacon tray is always at the end of the buffet. You regret all the stuff on your plate. What am I doing with all this worthless fruit? I should have waited. If I had known you were here, I would have waited.
KP: Sorry about the herky-jerky delivery of that particular video.
JG: I'm not normally even that animated so that helped. that helped my performance style. I uh...
KP: Does it inspire you because it was a Mr. Roboto kind of animation.
JG: I am a low-energy guy. You know, some people have to calm down before they go on stage. I have to like drink red bull.
KP: just to get through the set?
JG: It's just...I'm a low energy guy.
KP: When did...I started at 10, which is crazy...
JG: You did not start at 10.
KP: Yeah. I mean, I wasn't paid for it, but I was performing in front of strangers. Well, first, at the passover meals for the family and then quickly segued into at school.
jg: I'm always so jealous of the people that uh... cause it seems like so many bar mitzvahs...so many comics are like, "I killed at my bar mitzvah and I got hooked. I got hooked." It's like a friendly audience. For me, you know I came from a family that there was no performance background, not that that's that rare, but it was, you know, 6 or 7 generations just to get to the middle class. you know, finally, you know my dad went to college so the whole notion of going in to be a "show person," it's like announcing you wanted to live on the moon. it seemed kind of like, "you're kidding?" obviously. And so I um...
KP: You started thinking about it before you announced it?
JG: Yeah, I definitely, you know studied finance in college and it was just very security. kind of like, "well what can...how can I avoid the great depression and unemployment lines?" But it was something that I secretly wanted to do. And this was before comedy central and everything it seemed like a pipe dream.
KP: Did you tell anyone?
JG: Yeah. You know, I kind of expressed it to people, but it was...cause you know you're the funny person at the party or at some job site or whatever. But it finally just got to a point where I was waiting for someone to dare me to do it. so I was doing improv and someone was like, "hey I heard there was some comedy---" ok, I'll do it, alright. I barely needed a nudge.
KP: But it was literally waiting for someone else to...
JG: yeah, cause I couldn't...
KP: justify it.
JG: I couldn't be kinda like, “I don't wanna try this.” you know.
KP: it wouldn't be accepted.
JG: I needed someone to blame.
KP: ok. i like that. and what age was that?
JG: I guess that was 23, 24.
KP: alright, and then we jumped to your first paid gig.
JG: first paid gig? um...well, there's a lot of bad gigs, but...uh first paid gig, being an MC...
KP: where?
JG: um.. jeez. I wanna think maybe Poughkeepsie, Bananas. and going just horribly wrong.
KP: by the way, for those of you watching... Poughkeepsie, not the name of the club. I know you're thinking...
JG: oh yeah, Poughkeepsie, Bananas probably...sorry.
KP: no, no, no...it's just the name of the clubs...
JG: snickers, snack house, all these crazy...
KP: I think Dana Gould has the best.
JG: laughs...which one's his?
KP: uncle fuck's chuckle hutch.
JG: oh. I thought there was...or just like calling the place Heckler's.
KP: right, so tell me, just one or two, whatever comes to mind, of sort of the worst gigs. because these are always such good stories.
JG: well there's some pretty um...This is a classic example of you, Long Island, you know the North East, I call the North East corridor, you know Boston to Philly, there's a certain kind of, some people call it, you know...the "acella corridor" for comedians, it's kind of the "Corridor of Hate." The commerce of comedy is kind of like, you know, rough and tumble, blue collar kinda...and I go on stage, when I was starting in Brooklyn. they were like "who is? is John Tesh doing stand up now?" being so white bread. So there's some tough rooms and even after I had kind of...I remember one time I was headlining in Long Island at Governor's, which is now run by a fantastic guy, John Truesin (?), who is a comic who knows the world and...but Governor's can be rough and tumble. Long Island can be rough and tumble.
KP: especially years ago.
JG: yeah, and so I was up there and I was headlining and I got on stage, and being from the midwest, you know, and late show on a friday night, you never know what you're gonna get. So I get on stage, and I start getting some laughs and with every laugh, there would be a "mooooooooo" "mooooooo" and I'm like "alright hey, I'm the Midwestern guy and they're mooing me." And I didn't necessarily understand it, so I did some responses and usually, once you get the audience on your side, the heckler will stop. But it continued on, "mooooo." "mooooo." so, finally, you know I couldn't see the guy, so finally I get off stage, and I'm like where is this guy cause the audience isn't even necessarily on my side. I'm not the type of comic that's gonna get off stage. So I get off stage and I go back, you know, kinda as far as I could see, and I saw a guy who was severely handicapped.
KP: oh god.
JG: with like a keyboard and kind of like a thing, and how he communicated was "muhhhhh." So I was criticizing this guy over my entire show.
JG: Yeah, my day job…I kept my day job a lot longer than my other peers, or like stand up comedy there's kind of these mini kind of generations or classes and stuff like that. But I worked in advertising as a copywriter, and um...
KP: well, that's a great job.
JG: Yeah, yeah...you know...
KP: you know, for someone who is gonna be writing or did you feel stifled by the client...
JG: It's a little bit, you know...
KP: or am I just mesmerized by madmen?
JG: I think it's some of that. Advertising...I learned a lot from it. Nice people, you know, creative people but there was something about, again, it's like being a standup, having that control of writing, directing, performing...it's lost when you're writing a commercial and then it goes up the chain of people to sign off on something. So there is some creative fulfillment that you think would be in advertisement that I didn't necessarily find, but I got amazing tools in it. But there's also something about...you know, it's kinda strange cause I worked in advertising and I was trying to kinda get laid off but advertising is like the one business world job where if you are an eccentric individual it's almost a sign of creativity. So I would come in a little late or I'd be sleeping in my room and they'd be like, "that gaffigan guy's creative!"
KP: he's crazy!
JG: So I was trying to get laid off in some ways but I don't know...like really bad jobs, I wasn't someone who had a ridiculous bad job like just shoveling shit for three days and then had to quit.
KP: You didn't follow the elephant...
JG: Yeah.
KP: People constantly are asking me or complimenting me, you started out in stand-up comedy and now you're such an incredible actor. and the question comes up, why aren't more comedians acting in films, and have a dramatic acting career. because a handful of them are unbelievably good and people seem so shocked by that. there's an argument on both sides of it for me which is...and one of the things you've touched on for we who stand alone on stage and enjoy the abject fulfillment of being the writer, the choreographer, the director, the producer, and the performer. the idea of listening in a scene as an actor is counterintuitive to our programming.
JG: I think that's a really interesting topic because I think there is something about...First of all there are...I'm an actor...I really do love acting...I really...it's something ever since I was a little kid, and I love the opportunity to be an element in a larger scene. I get off on that. and I love kind of like the joke's not funny the situation's funny. and i just enjoy acting so much, but I do think like being a comedian and going into auditions it's a little bit like dragging in some stereotypes that are understandable because some comedians are simply not actors and so some comedians...they don't have any interest in it, and I feel like I've got a bit of a split personality because when Seinfeld went back to standup after his tv show people were like "that's so amazing" and I was like "of course he does it's like once you're a comedian you can't stop doing that." It's like someone's off heroin it's like are you really surprised when they go back to it? it's supposed to be amazing.
KP: (laughing) it's supposed to be amazing.
JG: and the acting thing I love, but I just think there's the control thing. I'm all for the notion of someone else writing, and someone else...it's just...I'm all for...I've done some movies and I've had a blast and stuff like that. And you've escaped this, you've delved into this in your career a little bit but you've got such credentials you don't have to worry about it. but when you're a comedian and you get offers for films it's usually, for me, it's always kind of like the really broad comedies. and my stand up it's very kind of obvious observational...
KP: conversational...
JG: It's conversational and it's subtle and it's dry. and so then they're offering me to be the ridiculous character. and that's not to say that I don't want to be the ridiculous character, but I don't want to just do that. so there is a bit of stereotype but I think that you...and I think that Larry Miller is an amazing actor. It's like, whoa us comics we don't get shots but there are some comics who truly love acting, but honestly, I am 42, I don't have an expectation that I'm gonna get a shot at Usual Suspects obviously. I mean, I would love it...
KP: that shit fell outta the sky, just so you know...but tell me about the Sam Mendes thing...you couldn't have more street cred than him...
JG: That's amazing. That's really fun. He's one of those directors where you're like, does he want me to mow his lawn? I'll do whatever he wants me to do.
KP: what is that film?
JG: That film is Away We Go which is John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph and this huge cast about this couple is kinda travelling around the US looking for where they wanna raise their child and they encounter different couples. and as a parent, it is really fascinating to see these different couples and these different approaches to parenting and the true drama of what's gonna happen when you have a kid, you know. it's like...you could fuck up this kid's life. you know what I mean? that's the most I've ever cursed...(Kevin laughs)...but it's amazing to do something like that but, you know the fact that I got it...you know, it was one of those times where I auditioned for the character and they said he really likes you but they're changing the character, and I'm like, well that means I'm never gonna get it. But I ended up getting it.
KP: He loves you but they're going in a different direction is kinda what that sounds like.
JG: yeah...
KP: In fact, he loves you so much they're gonna completely re-write the character so that you can't possibly do it...
JG: I play...Allison Janney and I are married in the movie and we have...we're the couple that's in Phoenix and you know, Sam Mendes there's just some people that...you know, it's a comedy but it's got a lot of heart to it.
KP: He knows about texture and nuance himself so...
JG: yeah...and Dave Eggers wrote it, it's one of those things...
KP: how are they gonna mess this up?
JG: yeah, but it is also a comedy. it's just like tone and touch, it's really hard. It's amazing that movies are good because it's just so hard to do that.
KP: It's difficult to address that issue with the audience members when they ask, you were in this movie...why were you in that movie, it was so awful? and you want to try to sit them down and explain to them that between me reading the script and you watching the movie there's 9 million ways for me to get screwed. and that is another reason that we continue to go back to stand up because this is funny, I'm gonna bring it on stage...there ya go.
We promised to have you up and out of here before your 3rd stand up comedy special premieres nationwide, if not across the world...
JG: across the world...
KP: Now the pre-order is on itunes when? what's happening? how else are people gonna get it other than comedy central?
JG: It's on itunes, pre-order on sale on Tuesday at Target and all that stuff. It's so funny for me to act like I am not this crazy ridiculous self promoter cause I've been all over Twitter.
KP: I hadn't seen that at all Jim, I don't know what you're talking about.
JG: It's this running...can I just point something out on Twitter? Let me put this in context...I am a guy who...as a comedian going to different cities, like I'm going to Fargo, facebook and myspace, it's the best way to reach people...I'm going to Fargo and you put like a bulletin and you find them on facebook. It's amazing and there's all these elements and Twitter's come in to it but I'm the guy who has the AOL email address, you know what I mean? I'm that kind of backward. so the twitter...my manager told me you gotta do this We Follow thing where it's essentially 3 tags. And I go, "oh alright..."
KP: (laughing) That made Jamie laugh so hard cause you wrote "I am vomiting" or something?
JG: No, "I have diahreha." I had to do that because initially my manager said pick the most popular tags so I picked, comedian, actor, and celebrity.
KP: you put a little pound sign in front of it...?
JG: Yeah, and so...I am a journeyman, I'm an everyman. and so the twitter responses were like, "Celebrity?? Really, the guy who's talking about waffle house is suddenly a celebrity." I'm constantly embarrassed.
KP: That's fantastic.
JG: So yeah, that's why it ended up...I ended up joking.
KP: #I #have #diarrhea.
JG: yeah, but anyway...I just thought that was so funny...the twitter embarrassment of it all...
KP: So a great easter gift obviously, King Baby, pick yourself up a copy of the DVD. I'm guessing it's also on CD available for purchase.
JG: Yes.
KP: It debuts tonight and then they'll run it however they run things on comedy central which is sporadic and constant...depending on the day.
JG: Yeah, they air it and then they decide whether they want to continue to air it every week but...
KP: Well I think it's gonna be in heavy rotation there's no question about it. You have the kind of following in your stand up career that while you cast lovely thoughts towards my allegedly dramatic street cred I would give up 78% to be in your shoes in terms of touring right now. you are beloved by your audience and I am tremendously thrilled for you and unbelievably grateful that you came on the show with me.
JG: Thank you so much for having me, it's been great.
KP: You'll have to come back.
JG: Yes, definitely.
KP: I asked only one question from here, but several of the questions were answered...I don't want everyone to be yelling and screaming, "What comedians do you love?" That question comes from Carlia Page cause that's always fascinating to me. So who are, obviously me, but who are some of the others that you...
JG: Well this guy, Kevin Pollak, I don't know if you've ever heard of him...
KP: That was a given, we all knew that.
JG: A big influence on me growing up was like Bill Maher...not Bill Maher, he's brilliant but Bill Murray and David Letterman and Jonathan Winters, definitely huge...
KP: Huge. I would think a little bit of Bob Newhart, no?
JG: Bob Newhart a little bit. you know...
KP: he specialized in misdirect, I just meant the sort of low-energy...
JG: yeah, he's the Midwestern kinda thing. but starting and developing in New York, Dave Attell was a huge influence on me. and just the efficiency, Carlin in kind of getting a topic and kind of hammering it to death. the people I love to watch are you know, I get a kick out of watching Todd Glass
KP: oh god yes.
or Greg Geraldo or Jimmy Dore or Ian Bagg...I mean there's some comics that just like Ian Bagg that can work a room and you just sit there. it's a certain kind of...it's amazing...you know, the guy doesn't need material when he can work the room so...Louis CK is doing some amazing stuff right now too so...
KP: absolutely.
JG: And Bryan Regan's a master too.
KP: Yeah, and his brother Dennis destroys me too.
JG: Yeah Dennis very funny...the only one lower energy than me.
KP: (laughs) that's exactly right and slang at the same time. it's 3 minutes before your show debuts. I wanna let you go but...
JG: Yes?
KP: You have to do the Larry King game.
JG: "Hi this is Larry King. I will occasionally uhhh wear the same underwear for a month and" he always has that thing with his..." Pomonas...
KP: (laughs)
JG: Alaska...Larry King. it is almost beyond surreal. If he was a character on The Simpsons, people would be like, there's not gonna be a guy who's 80 who has a 4 year old with a Mormon lady. that's just not gonna...that's not gonna fly. The Simpsons writers would be like, we can go out on a limb but Larry King, the suspenders...
KP: in a cartoon world, you're saying, he could not exist.
JG: No. It's amazing.
KP: And yet...
JG: He's got a gift of relevance too. Staying relevant. He's talking to anybody. We're talking to the Dancing with Stars. Either he's great at lying or he just has this incredible source of...maybe he's like Darth Vader, he just has these 'info banks,' you know?
KP: Oh, lovely. Thank you so much. I wish absolute success to you always and I hope King Baby is just the tip of the iceberg and we have numbers 4, 5, and 6 ASAP. I wish nothing but great things.
JG: And congrats on the show. I have...I got good feelings. I think this show is...
KP: you have a good time?
JG: It's right up this nerd's (pointing to his face) alley! you know what I mean?
KP: Well, I appreciate it, and it was always just about a conversation so I appreciate you opening up beyond the talk show, we've both been in that situation so many times, where you have 6 minutes and you better nail it and nail it fast. So thanks very much for opening up as much as you have.
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