My best friend died the day before thanksgiving this year. She was like a sister to me and we've known each other since high school, so about 10 years now. I don't even remember what happened during thanksgiving this year, everything went by in such a blur. I just remember my husband making me get out of bed everyday and forcing me to eat. I spent a lot of time with her mother because she and I are very close. We talked about her a little when we could, cried a lot, then got down to the business of planning the service. What was nice is the fact that they decided not to have one at all. Everyone got together at the funeral home and went around and told stories about her. We were able to remember all the good times we had and share those wither everyone else. That really helped.

I moved 2 states away from her last year and so we had a hard time seeing each other regularly. We spoke online a lot and on the phone when we could. It was hard being away from her because she had been sick for the last year and nearly died. The last time I saw her was the month before. I snuck her away for pizza, even though she wasn't suppose to be eating it because of her treatment. She twisted my arm and I figured a little wouldn't hurt. Her mom laughed about it when I told her, she said she knew something had been up since we came in looking guilty. We ended up sitting around for hours just talking and catching up and I wouldn't have changed it for the world.

Next year, the holidays will be hard for me, but I will still celebrate them. I know I will spend time with her family, because it is what I have always done, as long as I can remember. It will be easier to handle when we are together, but I'm not sure it will be a happy occasion as it has been in past years. Maybe as time goes on, its hard to say. I also will go back to the pizza place by her house and have a pizza in memory of her. She was right, it was the best pizza I was ever going to eat.

If I were particularly close to the person, I would be handling it the way I've handled the deaths of loved ones on other days of the year by staying focused on whatever really needed to be done at the hospital, nursing home, funeral home, etc. and of course by sticking together as a group to support each other after experiencing such a terrible thing. Knowing me, that would also include making sure we at least got a little something to eat at some point during the day and that any of the elderly folks or small children had a chance to nap if they needed that. I would try to make sure a couple of us were making calls to family out of town to let them know by that night or the next day.

In other words, sometimes it's all the little details that can save your sanity and keep you from losing it too much emotionally while you are trying to function long enough to deal with the painful reality of it all.

As time passed and that day came around again year after year, I know I would have moments of renewed grief and miss the person. Depending on what he or she died from, I'd make a special donation to a good organization in that person's honor. I'd also be willing to listen if anyone wanted to talk about the person on that day, share a memory, etc.

At the same time, in those years that followed I would do my best to choose to focus mostly on those who are still alive and still need all the happiness and holiday celebrations that life has to offer while we're on the planet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7J3Tm0jo2w

My gramma died on my birthday. I still celebrate my birthday -- so I imagine I would still celebrate Christmas if a loved one died that day. The weird thing about this gramma dying on my birthday, is that I was born on my other gramma's birthday! Kind of creepy, eh?

I do know that Christmas is a very difficult time of year for many hurting people. I think it is more difficult for divorced people and people who have lost custody of their kids, than it is for people who mourn the permanent loss of a loved one.