As a rebuttal to "you're being racist"?

Simply put: Having friends or siblings or whatever does NOT make whatever you say not hurtful. If you're saying things often enough to get this kind of accusation, there might be something to it.
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Interesting question. I think it goes back to the debate over whether someone can make an ethnic/race joke if they're a part of that ethnicity or race, and how someone who isn't can't.

That sounds confusing, but I think you get what I mean. It's also how minorities have embraced derogatory words to make them empowering, but it still can't be used by people outside that group (this goes all the way back to the work Yankee, which was used by the South as a derogatory way to describe northerners).

So people try and justify talking about races or minorities that they're not a part of by saying, "Oh, my friend is black," or "My cousin is gay," or, "I know a lot of Jewish people," as some way to justify their expertise on that subject.

The problem is that it doesn't work, which is why it's lame.
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