Should the majority of forgiveness in a relationship be absolute or conditional?
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M$8 Answers
You should forgive absolutely or not forgive at all. For if one's forgiveness is conditional it can only create a taint in the relationship which will form a vicious cycle, makes the relationship full of distrust and hurt and destroyed. It would be easy to forgive absolutely a person's shortcomings if you love and value your relationship and if you just think that we are not perfect and human as we are we are bound to make mistakes.
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M$
Example:
My husband has the debt card on a Friday night and spends 300 dollars at the pub.
I'm angry, he's sorry, and I forgive him.
Though I've forgiven him I'd be fool to let him have that card next Friday night. lol
Forgiven but not forgotten. :)
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M$
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
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M$
The forgetting part is tricky. I think the forget part of "forgive and forget" means just let it go. Stop being alert to everything your partner is doing wrong and whether or not they are going to make the same mistake again. You can't prevent it. But you can make it happen by being overly critical or negative towards him or her.
That doesn't mean if they screw up again that you act like its the first time that's happened. Only you can know when its been enough. But once you accept someone as they trully are, its easier to know if they're the one you want to be with.
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M$There is no unconditional forgiveness. There is always the condition that they never hurt you that way again, either spoken or unspoken. It's always there.
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M$
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M$
What is punishing the person? Bringing mistakes up to hurt someone. Is it punishing them to say, "You have a bad track record and I have every right to be disappointed in you." No. Forgiveness also has a self-serving purpose. When you forgive, you should not "rent out" little pieces of your soul to the tresspass. In other words, don't dwell on the bad crap. You can't start over fresh from a serious transgression, but you can deal with it and heal. Sometimes healing means you can't stay with a person who has hurt you. . . and yet you still forgive them. . . you just move on.
Conditional isn't really apropriate. That's like saying I will forgive you only if you don't mess up again. You have to decide each and every time that something happens whether or not you will forgive a second, third, fourth time etc. Each forgiveness must be on its own merits.
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M$
