I believe what you are referring to is a style of emotional abuse. It actually usually involves both negative AND positive emotions. One way to describe it is what some psychologists refer to as "traumatic bonding." Imagine it this way: if you were in a terrible car accident, where someone just T-boned you out of nowhere, causing great pain, you would probably immediately feel anger towards them, and maybe a little fear. Now imagine someone came and tenderly helped you out of the car, stayed with you in the ambulance, and kept you company during your recovery at the hospital. You would probably feel a lot of appreciation and attachment to that person. Traumatic bonding occurs when the person who hurts you, and the person who saves you, are the same person.

In a situation like the one you are describing, an emotional abuser is using both positive and negative comments and behaviors to make their partner/victim feel dependent. When the abuser makes the victim feel bad about him/herself self, the abuser also has control because the victim will only feel better when they "win" acceptance back from the abuser. The victim does not feel better when comforted by others, and continues to seek the intensely loving side they "just know" is the "real" personality of the abuser, thus refusing to leave. The abuser can then step up the abuse (emotional or physical) because the victim is psychologically trapped by the need to regain the positive regard they experienced from the abuser before.

Another way that abusers sometimes take their victims "hostage" is to use a technique commonly referred to as gaslighting. This means that the abuser tries to make the victim feel crazy. They may move objects around the house, claim the victim said or did something that never happened, or trick the victim into believing strange things about others. Though the abuser presents the image of love and caring, they are making their victim dependent because the victim comes to doubt their own sanity, and believes only their abuser can protect and take care of them.

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