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What gives us self-confidence and how does it affect those around us?
How does one gain self-confidence? What drives people to change?
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That's four big and difficult questions you've asked in one there.
I'll try a brief answer.
1) What gives us self-confidence?
People normally don't have the same degree of confidence across the board. They might be highly confident about their physical capabilities, but nervous about speaking in front of large groups for example.
How people get to have the confidence level that they do in a certain area is a function of their experiences, and how they interpret them. Which in turn are influenced by their expectations about how things are supposed to go, and the reactions of other people. Example: you're learning fractions at age six or seven say, and it's difficult. Do you think "math is hard", or "I'm no good at math", or what? If you expected it would be a breeze, that might influence how you interpret it. Equally if people around you are giving subtle (or not so subtle!) signals about how they feel about how you're doing, that would influence how you interpret it too. If mom is worried then you might think "uh oh... something wrong". If teacher is cheerful and untroubled and gives the impression you're doing great, it might be a different story.
So some process like that gives us a confidence level in different areas of life. And it typically becomes self-reinforcing, because we'll persist with and enjoy the things we're confident about, and shun the ones we're not.
2) How does it affect people around you?
Two main ways. First emotions can be infectious. To take a current and important example, President Obama seems to be very confident about being able to do his job well. That makes us all feel a little more confident too. The same things happens in sports teams and businesses, and it happened with the plane that came down in the Hudson. The captain's calm and confidence helps everyone stay calm and act wisely.
Second way is that people will, at least initially, take you at your own estimation. If you are genuinely confident in your abilities, they will be too. They're more likely to hire you, agree to going out on a date with you, or whatever. Later on they might change their mind, but they'll certainly be influenced at first by how at ease and confident you are.
3) How does one gain confidence?
Do you mean in an area where you previously haven't had it? Well, in my experience that means reversing the process discussed in part (1). A key thing is unlearning what you had previously concluded about yourself. e.g. Realising you stopped trying at math aged seven, because fractions were hard, and dad seemed worried. And that doesn't necessarily mean you can't do it. Then you need to get some positive experiences, perhaps with the support of people that have confidence in you, and maybe help from people that can teach or show you what you didn't get before that makes the difference. Then you can get a positive cycle going where each successful experience gives you more confidence, and that confidence helps you take on bigger challenges.
You've seen this kind of thing all those movies about a teacher who turns around a class of troubled kids right? Lots of those movies are based on true stories, and this is one movie plot that actually does match what happens in real life too.
4) What drives people to change?
Two things seem to be important. First of all, realising that something you thought you were stuck with really might be changeable. e.g. "Gee, maybe, just maybe, I could actually be good at math?" The second is being very clear of the costs and benefits of making the change. Even if you can change, it'll take something, and maybe a lot. Why bother? You need to be either sick of the current situation, or excited about what could be possible, or ideally both. Because a successful change is not a piece of cake, it needs a lot of emotional commitment behind it, not just intellectually understanding that it would be a good idea.
I'm sure there are other views about all of these issues, and that they are of considerable value. But (1)-(4) is basically what I've found from my experiences and studies.
If you want to read some more about these issues, a couple of books that support and expand on what I said here are:
Authentic Happiness, by Martin Seligman
Social Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman
http://www.amazon.com/Authentic-Happiness-Psychology-Potential-Fulfillment/dp/0743222970
http://www.amazon.com/Social-Intelligence-Science-Human-Relationships/dp/0553803522
Dr Seligman's website is a useful resource too:
http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx
I'll try a brief answer.
1) What gives us self-confidence?
People normally don't have the same degree of confidence across the board. They might be highly confident about their physical capabilities, but nervous about speaking in front of large groups for example.
How people get to have the confidence level that they do in a certain area is a function of their experiences, and how they interpret them. Which in turn are influenced by their expectations about how things are supposed to go, and the reactions of other people. Example: you're learning fractions at age six or seven say, and it's difficult. Do you think "math is hard", or "I'm no good at math", or what? If you expected it would be a breeze, that might influence how you interpret it. Equally if people around you are giving subtle (or not so subtle!) signals about how they feel about how you're doing, that would influence how you interpret it too. If mom is worried then you might think "uh oh... something wrong". If teacher is cheerful and untroubled and gives the impression you're doing great, it might be a different story.
So some process like that gives us a confidence level in different areas of life. And it typically becomes self-reinforcing, because we'll persist with and enjoy the things we're confident about, and shun the ones we're not.
2) How does it affect people around you?
Two main ways. First emotions can be infectious. To take a current and important example, President Obama seems to be very confident about being able to do his job well. That makes us all feel a little more confident too. The same things happens in sports teams and businesses, and it happened with the plane that came down in the Hudson. The captain's calm and confidence helps everyone stay calm and act wisely.
Second way is that people will, at least initially, take you at your own estimation. If you are genuinely confident in your abilities, they will be too. They're more likely to hire you, agree to going out on a date with you, or whatever. Later on they might change their mind, but they'll certainly be influenced at first by how at ease and confident you are.
3) How does one gain confidence?
Do you mean in an area where you previously haven't had it? Well, in my experience that means reversing the process discussed in part (1). A key thing is unlearning what you had previously concluded about yourself. e.g. Realising you stopped trying at math aged seven, because fractions were hard, and dad seemed worried. And that doesn't necessarily mean you can't do it. Then you need to get some positive experiences, perhaps with the support of people that have confidence in you, and maybe help from people that can teach or show you what you didn't get before that makes the difference. Then you can get a positive cycle going where each successful experience gives you more confidence, and that confidence helps you take on bigger challenges.
You've seen this kind of thing all those movies about a teacher who turns around a class of troubled kids right? Lots of those movies are based on true stories, and this is one movie plot that actually does match what happens in real life too.
4) What drives people to change?
Two things seem to be important. First of all, realising that something you thought you were stuck with really might be changeable. e.g. "Gee, maybe, just maybe, I could actually be good at math?" The second is being very clear of the costs and benefits of making the change. Even if you can change, it'll take something, and maybe a lot. Why bother? You need to be either sick of the current situation, or excited about what could be possible, or ideally both. Because a successful change is not a piece of cake, it needs a lot of emotional commitment behind it, not just intellectually understanding that it would be a good idea.
I'm sure there are other views about all of these issues, and that they are of considerable value. But (1)-(4) is basically what I've found from my experiences and studies.
If you want to read some more about these issues, a couple of books that support and expand on what I said here are:
Authentic Happiness, by Martin Seligman
Social Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman
http://www.amazon.com/Authentic-Happiness-Psychology-Potential-Fulfillment/dp/0743222970
http://www.amazon.com/Social-Intelligence-Science-Human-Relationships/dp/0553803522
Dr Seligman's website is a useful resource too:
http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx
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Self-confidence is derived from trust that one has in himself. One gains this trust in oneself by first placing trust in others and then seeing that other will help him/her in times of need. This gives one self-confidence because they know they can take risks and people will be there. Conversely, as one becomes more confident in themselves, they positively affect those around them and inspire trust in other people. In terms of what makes people gain self-confidence... it's mostly made out of the friends and acquaintances that one has, because they create the self-confidence in the person.
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