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M$1 March 04, 2009 12:52 AM

Is there any sort of Facebook etiquette book out there? Is there a polite way to turn down a friend request?

I frequently receive friend requests from people who seem to know who I am but I have no idea who they are. Is there a polite way to find out?
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March 04, 2009 05:45 PM
The best way to turn down a friend request is to do simply that. There is no requirement that you explain yourself. I generally use the "ignore" button for requests from people I don't know. This applies in LinkedIn as well. And on Twitter, if I don't know who you are and your profile doesn't give me any queues, I simply don't follow back.

Modern Manners Guy just had a podcast on this topic, which might be helpful. http://manners.quickanddirtytips.com/netiquette.aspx
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March 04, 2009 01:06 AM
I get a few requests like that.

Usually I'll say something like: "I'm sorry but I can't place your name.Can you remind me where we met? :)"

Sometimes it turns out it is someone I once knew, other times it might be a friend of a friend who wants to get acquainted for some reason, like they're new in town.

People are generally very understanding anyway, and they don't seem to take offence when you turn down their friend requests. Usually when you ask them how you know each other they'll say something like: "I don't mean to intrude, no problem if you don't want to add me".

The other thing I sometimes mention is: I have a hard time keeping up with my feed, so I don't want to add any more to it.

Basically just be pleasant and friendly, don't treat them like they did something bad by sending a friend request, and they'll be pleasant and friendly back.

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March 04, 2009 01:22 AM
I have a totally different approach. And I'll probably be called an a-----e for it :)
I just don't accept it. I usually don't hear back. Etiquette exists, but IMHO, you're under NO obligation to respond to any request on the internet.

It's like the hot girl in a bar. I'm an ugly dude (that part's not hypothetical). I go ask her if she'll come back to my place. She says no. Does she have any obligation to explain decision to me? Do I have any right to demand an explanation? I'd say no. Who she sleeps with is totally up to her.

Your friend list is (loosely :)) the same. It's yours.

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March 05, 2009 01:30 AM
Well, if you don't know someone, I would strongly advise against adding them as a friend, simply ignore it.

If you do know them, but don't want to befriend them, do whatever you would do in real life, facebook makes it very easy to ignore friend requests. If they persistently request you can also block them. Like any social interaction online, keep in mind it will likely be a real person at the other end with real feelings.

Now, if you *reply* to a friend request with a message, facebook then allows that requestor to view your profile and pictures for a certain period of time. This is why unless you're sure you want to interact with a person, you shouldn't ever send a message in response.

I have had requests that I haven't known the person at all, and I've ignored them. And then there were some requests where I *thought* I knew the person so I responded with a message to see where I knew them from. One can still ignore at that point.

Hope this helps.

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