I don't think there is any right or wrong answer here. If you wish to partake in this custom. Simply just ask when you feel comfortable.
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Safe bet? Any time between when you've decided to propose and when you pop the question is a good idea to ask permission, though sooner is better than later. That is: provided you're MET the parents... if you don't have some kind of relationship at this point with your future in-laws, you might want to consider forming one before making a final decision. Remember, they'll be your family, too.
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The most important thing is to get permission before getting engaged. If you want, you can ask the day of the proposal. However, if you anticipate that your future father-in-law will be shocked by your question, you might want to allow some time for the idea of marriage to settle in. In that case, I'd say that roughly a month before would be the minimum.

Another aspect to think about is the element of surprise. If you are trying to plan a proposal that you're bride isn't expecting, asking the father too early could spill the beans. Families talk! For this scenario, I'd try to ask for permission with no more than a week of lead time.
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Without knowing the situation, I think that I might have a private chat with her mother and ask her opinion. She will tell you what the proper protocol is in their family and then, later, she will relay your conversation to her husband. In this way, you learn the proper protocol, her husband will almost certainly back her up (after all, it was his wife who set the protocol) and he will not be surprised when you approach him.
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Unless you and your future wife are planning on ditching her family altogether, it's wise to ask her dad, no matter how old-fashioned it seems. If he's still under his roof or under his insurance, or even if she's not, chances are he still feels protective of her.

Chances are she's not planning on turning her back on her family, so you'll be doing well to start off on the right foot with him this way.

If you're going to have a big or moderate wedding, you'll need to plan way ahead in order to make sure you can book the space and all the people/services involved. It's tough to plan things in some areas in under nine months, so asking him as far in advance as possible is also a good idea.

If you're lucky, her family will sort of adopt you and really consider you as special as their own kids. As a result you'll minimize potential relationship problems. You'll maximize that happening by asking well ahead of time.
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Here's your answer!

2-3 days only

I think it's incredibly respectful to ask a father for your daughter's hand (and you know he's going to say yes, so you have nothing to lose).

That said, anything more than 3 days and you're guaranteed that EVERYBODY (including your bride) will find out and it'll spoil the surprise.
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It actually seems a bit odd to me in this day and age to ask the father for his daughter's hand in marriage *before* you've even asked her yourself. There's old fashioned, and then there's like 1800s-old. It almost presumes it's up to the father to hand over his daughter more than it is up to her to say yes/no. (in the good ol' days, this was probably truer than in is now...).

I asked my fiance's father for his "blessing," and in effect his permission, the day she said yes to my proposal. The point here being that we were planning on getting married no matter what her family thought. This was a gesture of humility and respect I paid her father to let him know I valued his approval, and so sought it.

Asking her father before hand? That's a bit too Dickensian-top-hot-wearing-man-about-town-with-cigar for 2009, if you ask me. It's up to her in the end, not her father.
http://bmtv.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/artdodger1.jpg
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First of all, points to you for asking! I can only hope that one day I find a man who wants to ask my dad...Old-fashioned or not, it's the right thing to do...

Anyway, I'd say probably at least a week before, at most maybe a month? I don't really know for sure, my sister's fiancee asked about a week before he asked her. I honeslty don't think it really matters how soon before, just as long as you ask! They'll appreciate the gesture!

As far as how/what to say, just be honest. Tell him/the family how much you love their daughter and want to spend the rest of your life with her...They'll probably want to know how you plan to take care of her and raise a family, if you guys plan on having children and what not, but the most important aspect is to be honest with them.

Hope this helps!!
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I would actually be offended if my boyfriend asked my father permission to marry me before he asked me himself. It's just not necessary any more. There isn't a need to negotiate a dowry, or lineage, or anything else that warranted this tradition in centuries past.

I can imagine a few situations that would make things very awkward today... what if he says no? Will you have to go against his wishes? Or worse, what if she says no? Not only have you put added pressure on her by involving her family before finalizing your relationship plans, but you've humilated yourself in front of her family too.

I agree that getting the father's "blessing" is a wonderful, gentlemanly thing to do. But unless you know she's going to say "yes," having talked about it together at some point beforehand, I wouldn't approach her father with your plans first. And I wouldn't ask for "permission" at all. He's not the one who gives the "permission" any more. She is.

Whatever you decide to do, and it really does depend on your relationship, calling or visiting her father/mother/family just to "chat" about your future with their daughter is a very respectful thing to do.

I hope it all goes wonderfully and that you're very happy together :)
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Hi first thing tell me does that girl like you and already gave her consent for marriage?if yes then no need to waste time or any proper procedure ,just tell your parents about your choice and let them go to the girl's parents and put the proposal ,if your parents dont like the girl then it is your lookout to convince them first ,next question is if the girl is not aware of the fact then friend you have to win her heart first then follow the above steps.If you dont believe in parents channel then go alone directly to her parent and tell everything about you and your family and ask her hand.Good luck.
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First, build a time machine to go back a hundred years or two....
or perhaps you live in a 3rd world country?
Don't ask the father first before you ask the gal if you live in the US or similar countries.
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As a father, I can tell you what would happen if a young man came to me and asked for my daughter's hand in marriage....
"Does she want to marry you?"

and

"What do I have to do with that?"

The real question is this: does your future bride's family approve of you?

And you should really know that answer to be "yes" before you even ask her to marry you.

How do you find that out? Well, the family will have already formed an opinion about you based on how functional / happy / healthy your future wife seems when you are with her. But, to get to know the real you, you are going to have to spend more time around the family. Hang out with them. Go to movies, make them dinner, spend time washing dishes and being a responsible adult around them. Show that you are a decent human being who's not going to hurt their sweet daughter or sister. Then, and only then, will you know.

And if you know that, then the answer to the question, "May I take your daughter's hand in marriage?" is merely a formality. An outdated, chauvinistic formality, but one that some people find sweet and romantic, old fashioned and chivalrous.

My daughters are not my chattel. They are people. They get to say who they marry; and at the same time, I get to say whether I like who they choose. Life can be so much less complicated if your in-laws like you, so I would very much encourage you to only marry a woman in that instance.

Good luck!
Source(s):
Personal experience.

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I did not ask my father-in-law, and you're right, I've felt in the doghouse ever since (going on 9 years). It's not a constant thing, but it hangs over my head every time somebody's wedding comes up. It haunts me. Nobody comes out and says it, it's just my own personal guilt about f'ing it up so badly.

I didn't, because I don't believe it's still relevant in today's world. Nobody says "Tell the father you're marrying his daughter", like it is a nice thing to do, they still say "ask permission." As if he has the right to give it. While you're at it, you might as well ask how much the dowry will be, because that's just as old a custom, right? If it's offensive to say "How much money will you give me to marry your daughter", why isn't it offensive to say "May I please take your daughter as if she is your property to give?" I was not a teenager with a part time job who didn't know what he wanted to do with his life looking for advice from a wisened old man who'd been there and done that, I was pushing 30, owned a place to live, had a very lucrative career...

...is what I was thinking, because I'm an idiot. It's not about you, and what you believe. It's about a dad's relationship to his daughter, something he's had for 20-30 years before you came along. It is about the event, not the person. To not do it is to take away that event that, depending on the person, they might have been waiting for all their lives. And once you do that, you can't fix it.

I can come up with a bunch of reasons why I didn't. Mostly it comes down to being uncomfortable around the man, of having him say anything other than "Great idea, go for it." I didn't want his opinion, as I said above - even though it wouldn't have killed me to let him give it. Or that, once I had the ring, I was terrified of losing it or otherwise having something go wrong with my plans, and was just in too much of a hurry to get the big question over with.

All stupid, selfish reasons. Some day I hope to fix it by getting up the courage, now even that much HARDER, to look him in the eye and say "I screwed this up the first time, and for that I'm sorry, and I want to try to make it right."

So trust me, do it however you can, whether it's a visit to his office or meeting for lunch or, for the die-hards, if you have to get on a plane to see him to do it. There's no etiquette that's strong enough to give you a reason not to do it and say "Oh, well, he couldn't see me for lunch on Tuesday." Do it, and don't regret it.

Then come back and tell me what you said, I need some ideas.
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Hey! Should'nt it be "ask HIS daughter's hand" ??? It would be HER father, but HIS daughter, right?
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1. Date
2. Court
3. Ask for Marriage
4. Ask for the parent blessing ( a few minutes or hours, after proposal has been accepted)
5. Announce the engagement
6. Plan for the wedding
7. Negotiate who will buy what
8. Have a fun reception (receptions are for the parents and the community)
9. Get Married
10. Honeymoon
11. Have children
12. Work hard
13. Have fun raising your children
14. Enjoy the cycle again and enjoy the grandchildren
Source(s):
http://lds.about.com/od/1/tp/marriagearticle.htm

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