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What about marriage counselors?
In my experience they are preprogrammed to favor the wife.
I have never known one to tell a wife she was at fault for anything. I am asking because a relative of mine is working 7x24 to support and care for three children under 5 while his wife does nothing but run around and shop and visit with her girl friends. They went to a financial counselor who told them he need to get an additional job. Now he wants to try a marriage counselor. He wants someone to tell her to get off her butt and help him. I don't think he will get any help from a mirriage counselor.
Am I right or am I wrong. I welcome both opinions.
I have never known one to tell a wife she was at fault for anything. I am asking because a relative of mine is working 7x24 to support and care for three children under 5 while his wife does nothing but run around and shop and visit with her girl friends. They went to a financial counselor who told them he need to get an additional job. Now he wants to try a marriage counselor. He wants someone to tell her to get off her butt and help him. I don't think he will get any help from a mirriage counselor.
Am I right or am I wrong. I welcome both opinions.
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Yeah... I'm a marriage counselor and I lay fault on BOTH parties for the problems in the relationship... Yes (this will sound harsh/difficult), even affairs. Although the cheater is a great deal at "fault", and I make the cheater psychologically pay dearly for their bad behavior, there needs to be some responsibility taken by the one cheated on as well. (See my blog post on owning responsibilities: http://www.kivaspirit.org/blog/?p=69)
"Preprogrammed to favor the wife?" Not a GOOD therapist...
The only person you can change is YOU. If he isn't taking responsibility for his part of the problem, then, no... therapy will NOT work.
"Preprogrammed to favor the wife?" Not a GOOD therapist...
The only person you can change is YOU. If he isn't taking responsibility for his part of the problem, then, no... therapy will NOT work.
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Only one that actually answered the specific question.
You might want them to go to a psychiatrist for group therapy. I won custody of my daughter through court and this was 20 years ago. So you know the man never wins (oh im a guy) in those circumstances. But I did require a psychiatric meet with both of us and a lot came out thats probably his best bet and also to document everything in a diary. When brought to court it means a lot believe me I used one. It shows detail and determination and just a note use different colored ink on different entries, its more proof that the entries are done on different days.
There are some excellent therapists out there but it can be hard to find a good therapist. I'd like to hear what drmatt has to say about how to find and evaluate a good therapist...(expect a question from me soon).
The problem, as I see it, is so.
One, there is a social stigma to psychotherapy in a way that medical treatment does not have. So you can ask a friend for a Dr. referral but not for a therapist referral.
Second, there are many different philosophies of therapy, some of which are better than others. Some are backed up by science and some are not.
Third, there are several different levels of people that can provide psychotherapy. It can be someone with a Master's Degree in Social work, a Master's Degree in Counseling, a Master's Degree in Marriage/Family therapy, a Doctorate in Psychology, or even a medical degree with a specialty in psychiatry. It's very hard to know how or who to choose, and what the benefits and drawbacks of each group is.
Fourth, quality therapy can be expensive, and many insurances don't cover it, or cover a limited number of providers.
So, to answer your question, you can find a good, even-handed marriage counselor, but it can be hard. Especially if one of the people in the relationship is not committed to change.
The problem, as I see it, is so.
One, there is a social stigma to psychotherapy in a way that medical treatment does not have. So you can ask a friend for a Dr. referral but not for a therapist referral.
Second, there are many different philosophies of therapy, some of which are better than others. Some are backed up by science and some are not.
Third, there are several different levels of people that can provide psychotherapy. It can be someone with a Master's Degree in Social work, a Master's Degree in Counseling, a Master's Degree in Marriage/Family therapy, a Doctorate in Psychology, or even a medical degree with a specialty in psychiatry. It's very hard to know how or who to choose, and what the benefits and drawbacks of each group is.
Fourth, quality therapy can be expensive, and many insurances don't cover it, or cover a limited number of providers.
So, to answer your question, you can find a good, even-handed marriage counselor, but it can be hard. Especially if one of the people in the relationship is not committed to change.
source(s):
Working as a support personnel for health professional licensing, personal observations of my own and friends experiences with therapists and therapy.
Working as a support personnel for health professional licensing, personal observations of my own and friends experiences with therapists and therapy.
Yes, yes, yes!
Even here in California, they are trying to pass a "Licensed Professional Counselor" (*shutter*). There's a dirth of names out there...
I'm trying to fight the stigma of therapy. I've had a number of clients come to me, not because there's a problem, but because they want to go from "good" to "great". Too many people wait until they are desperate to find help.
Now... regarding the cost... Here's a secret for all things: You can always try to negotiate. Figure out what you can afford and then approach the therapist with that. Working for a non-profit allows me more flexibility, but you can ALWAYS negotiate.
Great answer, carriep!
Even here in California, they are trying to pass a "Licensed Professional Counselor" (*shutter*). There's a dirth of names out there...
I'm trying to fight the stigma of therapy. I've had a number of clients come to me, not because there's a problem, but because they want to go from "good" to "great". Too many people wait until they are desperate to find help.
Now... regarding the cost... Here's a secret for all things: You can always try to negotiate. Figure out what you can afford and then approach the therapist with that. Working for a non-profit allows me more flexibility, but you can ALWAYS negotiate.
Great answer, carriep!
You are "right on"! These "high maintenance" females are bogus, self centered individuals, who drive men to have arrairs with "hard working, fairly attractive, blue collar women" . They would rather ride in a Ford -150 than a Lexus . The sex isn't worth it w/the "high amintenance" Broad. I'm almost 70, married 3 times, still "wear em' out" in bed, am kind, clean, etc, but never fool w/these fake blond H.M types!
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Your response contains a very simplistic answer to the problem ("the proper response it to leave the relationship"). Life is not that simple. There are many factors that play into working to keep the relationship intact.
I'll reiterate my answer... In the long-run, it's not useful to identify who is at fault or who is to be blamed. For both individuals and, perhaps, for the relationship, both parties have to own their part of the problem. The cheeter has a LOT to own. The one who has been cheeted on ALSO has to own their part of the problem.
But, I guess it IS easier to point at someone else and say it is their fault... Maybe, in the long-run, easier is better....