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 M¢25  Funded By Mahalo ? |  August 14, 2009 08:39 AM

Should I tell him?!?!?

I am a 15 male and I am bi and I like this guy and he's 21 should I tell him that I like hm or should I keep it to my self (and I know nothing can happen)
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August 15, 2009 12:37 AM
No matter your sexual orientation, asking someone who is not a minor to contemplate sex with a minor is ill advised (even though you "know nothing can happen").

If you actually care about him, keep your feelings to yourself and don't endanger his freedom and reputation by discussing it. Especially don't send him emails, photos or texts that hint at more.

Being labeled as a pedophile in this country never goes away (whether it's acted upon or not). It's a one way trip down a dead end road that ends in disaster - for him.

Find someone closer to your own age (check local laws) or wait until you're older.


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Helpful: shinju

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August 16, 2009 05:56 PM
This is the best answer yet. The first thing that came to my mind is the issue of the age difference that no one seemed to pick up on until you did. Good advice.

Respectfully,
Shin

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August 14, 2009 09:02 AM
I would say go ahead and tell him you like him, and start things at a 'friend' level. Then depending on his intentions you can decide whether to break the news that you are thinking of him as much more than as a 'friend'.

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Unhelpful: shinju

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Voted as best: mysterygirl89, moreanswers
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August 16, 2009 06:43 PM
It's never advisable to encourage a minor to sexually pursue an adult, regardless of the sexual orientation.

Respectfully,
Shin

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August 19, 2009 12:22 AM
This is a great answer, but I also suggest that the person waits until he is 18, so it is not illegal for them to date, yes it is still illegal, he is under age.

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August 14, 2009 09:26 AM
I would advise you to try and find out if that guy is gay or not. If you just tell him how you feel, and he is straight AND in a foul mood, you might get in trouble. He might start making fun of you in front of others, just to keep up his own 'hetro' image.
So, carefully try to find out if he is 'out of the closet', and if so, approach him in a not too busy location. That way, if he is not interested, he can tell you so without any embarrassment for either of you.

I truely hope things work out. Good fortune! The Good Fortune Buddah is with you..


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Helpful: sixpack, gno

Unhelpful: shinju

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Voted as best: sixpack
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August 16, 2009 05:58 PM
Unfortunately, your answer doesn't address the age difference between an adult and a minor. Severe consequences for any adult who is labeled a sex offender. Remember that you're advising a minor with limited life experience who is not cognizant of these issues.

Respectfully,
Shin

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August 14, 2009 09:26 AM
Tell him.

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Unhelpful: shinju

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August 16, 2009 06:43 PM
It's never advisable to encourage a minor to sexually pursue an adult, regardless of the sexual orientation.

Respectfully,
Shin

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August 14, 2009 10:20 AM
Mithrandir is right. It would be nice if there was no fear of reprisal but there are people out there who actively go out of their way to make it hard for gay, bi and transgender people (which is completely idiotic, I dunno why it bothers other heterosexual people so much but I won't rant)

Try and find out if he is gay or bi. I found these websites:
http://www.xomba.com/how_tell_if_guy_gay_2_tips_tell_if_man_you_like_gay
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_can_you_tell_if_someone_is_gay

Kind of useless in that it's mostly common sense but hey it might help a bit. The important emphasis on most sites is that the only way to know for sure is to ask. By asking however, you are potentially placing yourself in a vulnerable position (i.e. he might tell others and they might insult you). So I think you need to differentiate whether this guy can be trusted OR whether you like him so much you want to trust him. This might sound really negative but it has to be said: he's the senior in this case and (at least in my jurisdiction) you're still a minor and possibly inexperience with dating and all that compared to him. Just be certain he can be trusted and he respects you, see what your friends think of him, that's always a good sign.

Secondly, don't rush into anything before you are certain that you are gay or bisexual. It's completely normal during the teenage years for people to become sexually curious. We're suddenly thrown into this world of sex, and when you go to Disneyland you're going to want to try all the roller coasters before you find your favourite... I think the site below has a really great answer on this sexual curiosity. I'm not trying to sway you or anything it's just I don't want you to (worst case scenario!!) rush into something and be labelled as something among your peers that you're not.
http://www.teenhealthfx.com/answers/Sexuality/43756.html

That said, if you're certain of who you are and want to do this and this guy (like any partner in any relationship) is someone you can trust and he respects you, go for it and tell him. Best of luck with it, I hope I helped in some way. :) Let us know how it went!

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Unhelpful: shinju

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August 16, 2009 06:46 PM
It's never advisable to encourage a minor to sexually pursue an adult, regardless of the sexual orientation.

Respectfully,
Shin

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August 17, 2009 12:48 AM
I acknowledge that it isn't ok to encourage a minor to sexually pursue an adult but we don't know the age of consent in his area (as I said above), maybe I was not clear enough on that.

And commenting on everybody's answer individually with the same comment? Is that really productive?

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August 20, 2009 10:51 AM
With all due respect, under the circumstances, it was the socially responsible thing to do. This isn't a question about your favorite color. This is a minor asking about a contemplated action that could have very serious consequences for both parties. When I see supposed adults telling a minor, "Go for it," it's very alarming. While there are laws in some states that put the age of consent at 15, they are in the small minority. Since we don't know cocojs's state of residence, the prudent answer is to discourage the action or to encourage research into local laws. Silverhammer did both, and deserves the designation of "Best Answer."

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August 14, 2009 02:03 PM
Is he a bi too? How much do you like him? If you like him so much and good if he's a bi too, then you should tell him. Who knows he might like you back right? In life, taking risk is okay if really want something. But if you're not really into him, then you can just keep it to yourself.

If he isn't a bi, I think it would cause troubles in your relationship if you'll tell him. He might avoid you or feel conscious when you're around.

Oh well, you're still young and these things shouldn't be rushed. You'll find the perfect partner for you when the right time comes. Just enjoy your youth for now. :)

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Helpful: sixpack

Unhelpful: shinju

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August 16, 2009 06:46 PM
It's never advisable to encourage a minor to sexually pursue an adult, regardless of the sexual orientation.

Respectfully,
Shin

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August 17, 2009 04:35 PM
It's not really a serious type of relationship. He's just on the stage of liking a person so I think it's okay. Besides, I told on the last part that he shouldn't rush things like this and enjoy his youth first cause a lot of good things could still come his way... ^^

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August 19, 2009 05:01 AM - Fact Refuted
he is 15 and this advice is not the best you can give to a minor who might end up getting in a bad situation that may become traumatic for him.

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August 14, 2009 03:24 PM
sometimes u may like someone so much. its natural and u may express love towards someone in the name of friendship.

one of the complicated definitions in the world is love and friendship.

firstly if a boy says that he likes tom cruise so much, it doesn't mean he is gay.
and a girl saying that she likes Megan fox so much doesn't mean she is lesbi...

u like some 1, then try to get close to that person, become a friend of that person, get to know that one better and then express what u think abt that person.

this approach would be better than jumping into conclusions.

secondly there is nothing wrong in loving a person so much unless u got the hots for that person with a wrong intension.

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Unhelpful: shinju

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August 16, 2009 06:42 PM
It's never advisable to encourage a minor to sexually pursue an adult, regardless of the sexual orientation.

Respectfully,
Shin

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August 15, 2009 01:00 AM
I will say keep it to yourself now. a 21 year old is too old for you to date anyway. More than that, you are only 15, a teenager. So i will say to wait a bit longer to define your sexuality. It would be a nice idea to date with some one near to your age.Your life is just beginning. Now is the time to keep up with your studies and other extra curricular activities.
Why don't you wait a bit so that you will be old enough to handle the love and the frustrations it can bring.

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Helpful: shinju

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August 15, 2009 02:49 PM
Well, I think that if you know that he's into guys and he knows that you are bi, then by all means go for it! If he's not gay and he doesn't know your bi or even if he knows your bi and is straight then you shouldn't tell him. If you don't know him that well then you should be careful. Certain guys don't like other guys hitting on them. But, if you two are good friends and he knows you're bi then tell him. I don't think it'll hurt to try, but just remember, all guys are different and most get physical when another guy tries to hit on 'em. So make sure that he's ok with being around you.

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Unhelpful: shinju

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August 16, 2009 06:48 PM
It's never advisable to encourage a minor to sexually pursue an adult, regardless of the sexual orientation.

Respectfully,
Shin

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August 19, 2009 11:25 AM
ahh yes...i apologize for that...I totally forgot about the age difference...But I also did not say anything about sexually seducing the person......I think that you are referring to the whole "get physical" part. What I meant was that I know guys that would actually beat someone up because of being bi/gay...But yes...15 IS a little too young to even be with someone of 21years of age...Again...I did not mention nor think of encouraging the person to seducing the other person in a sexual matter.

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August 20, 2009 11:00 AM
Thank you for the maturity of your apology. However, when the question centers around sexual orientation, sexual seduction is already implied and definitely inferred.

Mahalo,
Shin

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