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aweinert5... aweinert5...
 

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 M¢25  Funded By Mahalo ? |  June 21, 2009 06:50 AM

Relationship Help please? (no jerks please?)

How come when I go into a relationship, I like the girl but within a few days I lose those feelings? How come none of my relationships arent lasting longer than 3 months? How come girls say I'm an amazing guy but if i ask them out sometimes they always say "lets just be friends" or "I could only ever love you as a friend"?
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passionate... passionate...
 
 June 21, 2009 07:00 AM
Good question! This question shows you are being reflective about your experiences, and that is how you learn. Keep at it.

The diagnosis of 'the problem' cannot be simple, but certainly can be done. My first target would be to look at how you act in the relationship early on. Some questions:
Do you let girls "in" to your life really quickly?
Do you make girls the center of your attention and planning?
Do you focus on them and pay less attention to your friends and her friends?

I used to answer 'yes' to all three of these, and it would have the same effect - things would fade in a matter of days. Why? Think about it in reverse. If a girl suddenly made you the center of everything she did, wouldn't you wonder if she had her own life? her own friends? or if she would become dependent on you really quickly? Perhaps that is their perspective of you if you answered 'yes' above.

Let's start there - let me know what you think and we'll go from there :)


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aweinert54 aweinert54
 
June 21, 2009 07:13 AM
I dont do any of these things. If I do I dont realize it.

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passionate... passionate...
 
June 21, 2009 03:55 PM
OK. The next thing, as morriss003 suggested, is what kind of women are you meeting.

A good friend of mine kept meeting girls that he thought he was interested in, but in reality they were completely the wrong type. Some were more interested in finding a guy to boost their ego than to be in a relationship with. Some had no idea who they were or what they wanted in life, and hence flip-flopped all the time. Some were simply just a mismatch for his personality/interests.

Can you briefly describe what kind of person attracts you, and what 'changes' in your view when the feelings fade? That instance in time is quite significant to finding the answers.

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aweinert54 aweinert54
 
June 21, 2009 05:15 PM
Kind of women that are cute not hot, funny, that are kind of like me, that share the same views on things. that believe there is more to a relationship than just the sexual parts. Somone who listens to the same music I do. Basic stuff like that. What changes is I dont really find myself attracted to her anymore.

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passionate... passionate...
 
June 21, 2009 06:05 PM
It sounds that you're looking for someone like you, which is common. It may or may not be what you're "really" looking for, which is why you might lose interest so quickly. Finding what you really are looking for is often more of a hindsight thing than a foresight - that is, you often don't know what you're looking for until you find it. But it sounds that you have basic criteria so that's a good start.

So I think we're getting closer. Two thoughts:
One, I wonder if some of the "excitement" is lost after you get the girl interested, and then you want to experience the excitement of meeting someone new again. It's not uncommon, and certainly not a big deal.

Two, I think we need to keep digging on this moment when you lose interest. Does it happen when you're with the girl? or, when you think about meeting up with her/calling her a few days in? or, when she says or does something? And, what would you rather do than be with her? Go hang with friends? Watch TV? Meet other new girls? Reflect on those times and see if you can find any kind of commonalities or theme.

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aweinert54 aweinert54
 
June 22, 2009 10:31 AM
I usually lose interest after the first few days. Usually I could think of nothing better than being with my girlfriend. But Ive noticed something, I have too many friends that are girls for me to focus on my relationships. It distracts me. But I cant just drop my friends out of the blue, I mean arent friends more important?

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morriss003 morriss003
 
June 21, 2009 08:07 AM
This is because you have not met the person who is right for you. Right now, you sound like someone who is more interested in the idea of being in love than in actually being in love. That's why your feelings fade, and it is probably why girls realize that it's not actually them that you are interested in, but in what they could represent.
When you find someone who's absence causes you to suffer, then you will be on the right track.

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vineetnair vineetnair
 
June 21, 2009 07:23 PM
You can call it "crush" if you like. That's why you lose interest in girls after some days. And if a girl just want to be your friend, then let it be there. You will know when you see the right girl. You will have that feeling of "yes, this is it".

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