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lindyloo lindyloo
 

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 M¢25  Funded By Mahalo ? |  June 09, 2009 04:21 PM

Is it appropriate to get up from a meal you don't like and and drive to a restaurant and return with a meal?

My daughters spent an afternoon putting together a lovely meal for myself and their stepdad. They used cilantro in the meal which he doesn't like claims it makes him sick. He got up and drove to a local restaurant picked up take out food. We had finished our meal by the time he got home. I'm mad at him. I thought it was insensitive and rude.
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buddawiggi buddawiggi
 
 June 09, 2009 04:36 PM
Though he may have had an allergy or extreme dislike to/for cilantro this could have been handled in a far better way.
Perhaps by using this time to explain his dislike with the herb with respect for feelings and tact. Expressing thanks for the effort in a manner that showed his dislike or allergy but did not hurt the feelings of you or your daughters would have been second nature to most people.
I cannot see anyway that his reaction was appropriate. It was rude and distasteful.
A complete overreaction.
I wish you all the best, being a child/adult of divorce and remarriage as well I know sitchuations and priorities can make it difficult to see things clearly.

I hope you and your daughters made the best of a great meal ruined by insensitivity.
If you were looking for vindication of your feelings, consider them vindicated. I would feel the same way. I'm still irritated and I don't even know this man.
A thoughtfully prepared meal shared between loved ones and friends should be regarded as a gift to all those involved.
How dare he.
Source(s):
Manners



Tags: respect, overreaction, tact, feelings

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nhlman10 nhlman10
 
June 09, 2009 04:36 PM
It is extremely insensitive and very rude. What is this guy a child? He can't sit through a meal politely like an adult. He can wait a few hours and grab a bite on his own time without embarrassing your daughters who spent to time to cook. What a jerk!!

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drmatt drmatt
 
June 09, 2009 05:16 PM
@nhlman10: While your answer's point is helpful, I would hope that you would want to rethink your delivery. Calling someone a jerk is judgmental. You don't know the entire story and you certain don't know this guy. There might be many reasons that he did this behavior that you are unaware of.

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pellrider pellrider
 
June 09, 2009 04:51 PM
I wish he just mentioned that he can't have the cilantro / don't like it without hurting your feelings.
If I am at a place where I don't like the meal they cooked, I will just say, I am sorry, but I can't have this.
I think, whit the step dad did is rude. Did the kids knew he cannot have cilantro
before making the meal?

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drmatt drmatt
 
June 09, 2009 05:22 PM
Is it appropriate? We don't know the whole story, but, on face value, it doesn't seem appropriate.

It would have been appropriate if there was communication about it and it was agreed that this was an appropriate behavior.

I would certainly be frustrated and disappointed with this behavior and would want to discuss appropriate/inappropriate behavior with him (outside of earshot of the kids, of course).

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irishsteph... irishsteph...
 
June 09, 2009 05:46 PM
I don't think that was appropriate at all, if not downright hurtful.

I mean, he should put himself in their shoes. How would that make him feel if they did that? He'd probably be upset!

While I understand he may not like Cilantro, or may even be allergic to it, he could at least sit through the meal politely, eat whatever else may be available and enjoy the conversation.

In some social circles that is beyond rude - it's insulting. Still, while I realize that this was family, what message is that conveying to your daughters?

I don't blame you for being upset. You have every right. He needs o apologize to you and to them.

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hcp56 hcp56
 
June 09, 2009 08:40 PM
I think that his behavior is completely inappropriate. I was in a similar situation once. My husband had made dinner and I was on my way to a migraine. I have very unusual aura symptoms, one of which is that my sense of smell is off. WAAAYYY OFF! For instance, body odor/sweat smells like beer. The dinner my husband made smelled disgusting. I knew that there was no way that I would be able to eat it. I knew it was me and not the food. I sat through dinner while everyone else chowed down. I then ate something later. NOT a big deal.

There were many other ways to handle the situation.

However, if your husband had explained on previous occasions that he had issues with the herb, I can understand his reaction - even if I think that it is a little extreme. I have been in a situation where I have told someone repeatedly that I don't eat a certain food and to then have them come to me with the exact item 'look what I made for you!'. Which was frankly very upsetting, because if the thought was really about me, wouldn't the person have remembered that I NEVER eat that particular food item? In this situation, you are also dealing with an emotional response of hurt on the part of your husband.

Just a thought.

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mysterygir... mysterygir...
 
June 10, 2009 03:17 AM
Yes! Very rude, she worked so hard. Poor little girl. when I was little I made food that must of tasted really really bad but my dad still ate it. One time I made something he knew would make him sick. He ate a little of it and said he was full. I smiled and said how about dessert. Lol. *sigh* that fool should have stopped crying over it and just eat it. So what if he did not like it. A lot of people eat foods that they really do not like.

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bsin21 bsin21
 
June 10, 2009 03:49 PM
When I was a kid my parents explained to me that sometimes I will be invited to other peoples houses for dinner. They explained I don’t have a choice in what people serve and whether I like it or not I was to eat my plate smile and thank them because it was the polite thing to do. Otherwise it was considered rude to not eat it.

Take what you want from that.

It seems a lot of people these days get out of what is being served somewhere by saying they’re ‘allergic’ to it. The dinner appears it was a big deal to everyone but him. He may not understand the importance of dinners or gatherings in your family. Maybe explain all of this to him and it might be a good idea to apologize to your daughters.
Source(s):
My own experience


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