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misslib13 | October 29, 2009 04:55 AM | in Love & Relationships

Are men just awful at communitcatin gin relationships or is it him...?

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jillbeth | October 29, 2009 11:20 AM

I think it's generally a male trait! Guys are conditioned by our society not to express tender feelings openly, but to hold them in. How many little boys, when they cry, are told that boys shouldn't cry!

So men learn that expressing anger is an acceptable male trait, but expressing sadness or love is "sissy." Us women definitely got the better end of the deal in that regard, because we usually feel better after a good cry!

So when communication involves expressing tender feelings, they tend to clam up. They just haven't been taught an acceptable way to deal with them.

My husband has always had a habit of lashing out over stupid things, like why the porch light is still on. It took me a while to figure out that when he behaves that way, it isn't the stupid thing he's actually upset about, it's just a convenient way to let out his feelings. Not appropriate, but that's how his mind works and I think many men are the same way.

So I've learned to ask him, "Honey, what's really bothering you?" and usually he'll tell me what the real problem is. And sometimes he'll just go into a quiet funk and if I leave him alone along enough, he'll say something like, "I've been thinking about (whatever) and this is how I feel about it." So he's making progress!

Men are strange creatures, their minds don't work like ours, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. God made men and women differently for a purpose. As wives and partners, we often have to have a great deal of patience with our guys and help them learn to express their feelings, at least to us in private so that we can have that type of communication that brings us closer to understanding one another and making our relationships stronger.

source(s):
21 years of marriage

tags: relationships, communication, men

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kaaaaaskop | October 30, 2009 05:22 PM

Nice one! :) though not all men have troubles expressing their feelings. I, for instance, find it very nice to talk to my girlfriend about stuff that's bothering me. And I know I'm not "sissy" that way. But in fact very courageous for expressing it. It depends on both people actually.

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kaaaaaskop | October 30, 2009 05:17 PM

It's different per man, though most men are known to never really show tender feelings, some men, like me for example, love to express those feelings. So communicating in a relationship just depends on the 2 persons. Not just the man, or woman. As women can also hate to show tender feelings.

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