Next Question
RSS
A toothless termite walks into a bar and asks: "Is the bar tender here?"
A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on he bar and turned to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genital, unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a
while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up, "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the man led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. "What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's my talking clock," the man replied. "How does it work?" asked one of his friends.
"Watch this," the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "Hey jerk! It's 2 in the freaking morning!"
A black man is having a conversation with God: "Tell me, Lord," he says, "how come I am so black?"
"You are black," replies God, "so that you can withstand the hot African sun."
"Tell me, Lord," continues the black man, "how come my hair is so short and kinky?"
"So that you will not sweat in the hot African climate," replies God.
"Tell me, Lord," implores the black man, "how come my legs are so long?"
"So that you can escape from the wild beasts that roam the jungles of Africa," replies God.
"THEN TELL ME LORD," shouts the black man, "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING IN CHICAGO?"
Permalink | Report
This joke is called... "Daddy, How Was I Born?"
A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how
was I born?"
The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you
will need to find out anyway!"
"Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on
Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom
and we met at a cyber-cafe."
"We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother
agreed to a download from my drive. As soon as I was
ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us
had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit
the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up
appeared that said...
...you've got male!"
Permalink | Report
* * *
An economist, a physicist and a mathematician are flying over Scotland. They look out of the plane window and see a black sheep on the hillside.
"Ah," says the economist. "So, Scottish sheep are black! How interesting!"
"No buddy", says the physicist. "Some Scottish sheep are black."
The mathematician sighs and shakes his head. "There exists in Scotland at least one sheep, which is black on at least one side."
:)
Permalink | Report
http://lonestartimes.com/images/Squawk/babycake3.jpg
After eating all that cake, you'd surely end up with beer solutions below:
http://www.puppiesandflowers.com/oct2007/iheartBeer.jpg
Permalink | Report
'But that's lovely,' said the old lady. 'Why are you crying?'
'Because I'm lost!'
Permalink | Report
Gorge W. Bush went to a cattle market
and he was asking: where are those cows from??
>>they are from England, sir!!
>>what about those sheep??
>>they are Australian, Sir!!
>>and that donkey, where is he from??
>>that's a mirror, sir!!
--------------------
that's an Arabic joke so I had to tweak it a little, sorry (-_-")
Source(s):
My pals ;)
Permalink | Report
- Dad, I want to win a shotguns on my anniversary.
- What is it, boy! And that this is for a boy of five years?
- But I want a shotguns, Daddy!
- I will not give, no way!
- Oh, give!
- Not I!
- Give!
- Not I!
- Enough! - Shout the father - who is in charge here?
- You. But if I had a shotguns ...
Permalink | Report
(According to the research project of The University of Hertfordshire)
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
Source(s):
http://www.tallrite.com/LightRelief/worldsbestjokes.htm
Permalink | Report
Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked, "A bottle of wine?"
His employees replied, "No."
Again, he touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid. "A bottle of scotch?"
"His employees replied again, "No."
Finally the boss asked, "I give up. What is it?"
His workers responded, "A puppy."
Permalink | Report
These are two of my favorite jokes. Even though my family tells me they're NOT funny, can't help but laugh every time I hear them! Hope they make you smile!
"Three men, one German, one Japanese and a hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager, "he said, "I have a micro chip under my arm".
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a micro chip in my hand".
The hillbilly felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The hillbilly finally said.... "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax."
............................................................................................................................
These two strings walk up to a bar. The first string walks in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve strings in this bar. The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls up and orders. The bartender shouts, "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?"
The string says "Yeah."
The bartender says, "aren't you a string?"
The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot..."
Permalink | Report
A husband went to buy a birthday gift for his wife. Some friends had been invited over that night to celebrate her fortieth, and he wanted to get something special. At the store he spotted some cute little music boxes. One blue one was playing "Happy Birthday." Thinking they were all the same, he chose a red one and had it gift-wrapped.
Later, at dinner, he gave it to his wife and asked her to open it. When she lifted the lid, out came the tune to "The Old Gray Mare, She Ain't What She Used to Be!"
This one is kind of an absurd Joke ,
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
Sick Bar joke,
A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks down and says "You know that you have a steering wheel in your pants"
The pirate replies "Ay, it's drivin' me nuts"
Stupid Joke, I am a female, lol,
I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
Source(s):
One that I have heard from people :p
Permalink | Report
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
While he is waiting for his wife to give birth, a doctor comes in and
informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs.
The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son regardless and
raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the son is finally old enough for his first drink. Dad
takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son that he is proud of
him. Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With
all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender
shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of
alcohol.
Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts
into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink
again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink!" The bartender
still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out.
The bar goes wild.
The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The
patrons chant, "Take another drink!" The bartender ignores the
whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new
hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.
Swoooop! Two legs pop out.
The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully
thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the
left... then to the right... right through the front door, into
the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.
The bar falls silent.
The father moans in grief.
The bartender sighs and says, "That boy should have quit while he was a head".
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And for a little geekiness:
What kind of lingerie does a mermaid wear?
An algae-bra!
Source(s):
http://www.jokething.com/jokes/1/1028
Permalink | Report
He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."
Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
Source(s):
http://www.cleanjoke.com/
Permalink | Report
Source(s):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Aristocrats_(joke)
Permalink | Report
Answered Question
M$5
June 05, 2009 03:52 PM
Tell me a joke for my birthday.
I'll be 45 on Sunday, 7 June 2009. I'd like a good laugh for the day.
I'm somewhat partial to absurd humor ("How many Dadaists does it take to change a light bulb?" "A FISH!").
Bar jokes are also great, but you'll have to come up with one I haven't heard. (Skeleton walks in a bar and says, "I'll have a beer......and a mop.")
And I also go for the incredibly obscure ("Why did the Lubavitchers increase the guard on the late Rebbe's tomb?" "Death threats from the Satmarers." -- To about 0.0001% of the population, this is a total screamer, believe me.)
Tip goes to the joke that gives me the biggest laugh. I'll make my decision on Monday morning.
I'm somewhat partial to absurd humor ("How many Dadaists does it take to change a light bulb?" "A FISH!").
Bar jokes are also great, but you'll have to come up with one I haven't heard. (Skeleton walks in a bar and says, "I'll have a beer......and a mop.")
And I also go for the incredibly obscure ("Why did the Lubavitchers increase the guard on the late Rebbe's tomb?" "Death threats from the Satmarers." -- To about 0.0001% of the population, this is a total screamer, believe me.)
Tip goes to the joke that gives me the biggest laugh. I'll make my decision on Monday morning.
RSS
Best Answer Chosen by Asker
| June 07, 2009 10:31 PM |
A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on he bar and turned to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genital, unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a
while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up, "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the man led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. "What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's my talking clock," the man replied. "How does it work?" asked one of his friends.
"Watch this," the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "Hey jerk! It's 2 in the freaking morning!"
A black man is having a conversation with God: "Tell me, Lord," he says, "how come I am so black?"
"You are black," replies God, "so that you can withstand the hot African sun."
"Tell me, Lord," continues the black man, "how come my hair is so short and kinky?"
"So that you will not sweat in the hot African climate," replies God.
"Tell me, Lord," implores the black man, "how come my legs are so long?"
"So that you can escape from the wild beasts that roam the jungles of Africa," replies God.
"THEN TELL ME LORD," shouts the black man, "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING IN CHICAGO?"
| Asker's Rating: |
• You get the prize because I'd never heard the toothless termite joke. It is a *really* bad pun, but, nevertheless, it did make me laugh. Thanks!
Thanks to everyone else for the jokes. Helped make my birthday a good one.
Cheers!
Thanks to everyone else for the jokes. Helped make my birthday a good one.
Cheers!
Permalink | Report
Reply
Other Answers (19)
June 05, 2009 04:11 PM
(most of my jokes are too hot for mahalo... Happy Birthday Rick!) This joke is called... "Daddy, How Was I Born?"
A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how
was I born?"
The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you
will need to find out anyway!"
"Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on
Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom
and we met at a cyber-cafe."
"We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother
agreed to a download from my drive. As soon as I was
ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us
had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit
the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up
appeared that said...
...you've got male!"
Permalink | Report
Reply
June 05, 2009 04:18 PM
Not sure this is exactly a joke, but I think you'll enjoy the story. * * *
An economist, a physicist and a mathematician are flying over Scotland. They look out of the plane window and see a black sheep on the hillside.
"Ah," says the economist. "So, Scottish sheep are black! How interesting!"
"No buddy", says the physicist. "Some Scottish sheep are black."
The mathematician sighs and shakes his head. "There exists in Scotland at least one sheep, which is black on at least one side."
:)
Permalink | Report
Reply
June 05, 2009 05:09 PM
A classic. How about this one:
A physicist, an engineer, and an economist are captured by an evil genius and thrown into his dungeon, each in a separate cell. He gives each one a can of beans and tells them: "This is all you get for food. If you can't open the can, you starve."
The engineer scratches his head, does a couple of quick estimates in the dust on the floor with his finger, whacks the can 3 or 4 times on the wall at a rough angle, and gets the can to break open enough to extract the beans.
The physicist spends a few hours constructing some mathematical models of can-floor collision dynamics and finally gives the can a single, hard whack. The top pops off cleanly, and the physicist eats his fill.
Two days later, the evil genius opens the door to the economist's cell to find him collapsed on the floor, weak and muttering in a barely audible whisper: "Assume a can opener."
Report
A physicist, an engineer, and an economist are captured by an evil genius and thrown into his dungeon, each in a separate cell. He gives each one a can of beans and tells them: "This is all you get for food. If you can't open the can, you starve."
The engineer scratches his head, does a couple of quick estimates in the dust on the floor with his finger, whacks the can 3 or 4 times on the wall at a rough angle, and gets the can to break open enough to extract the beans.
The physicist spends a few hours constructing some mathematical models of can-floor collision dynamics and finally gives the can a single, hard whack. The top pops off cleanly, and the physicist eats his fill.
Two days later, the evil genius opens the door to the economist's cell to find him collapsed on the floor, weak and muttering in a barely audible whisper: "Assume a can opener."
June 06, 2009 07:49 PM
That's good but I feel harsh on economists. After all it's not a physical science, so a tin can would prove to be an insuperable problem for them. :)
Report
June 05, 2009 04:22 PM
Happy 45th Beerthday Rickg! I wonder how long the duration of your laugh? After eating all that cake, you'd surely end up with beer solutions below:
Permalink | Report
Reply
June 05, 2009 04:34 PM
A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. 'What's the matter?' she asked. 'It's my birthday!' he hollered. 'And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon there's to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards. . .' and he had to stop talking because he was crying so hard. 'But that's lovely,' said the old lady. 'Why are you crying?'
'Because I'm lost!'
Permalink | Report
Reply
June 05, 2009 04:54 PM
Happy B-day, Rickg! Gorge W. Bush went to a cattle market
and he was asking: where are those cows from??
>>they are from England, sir!!
>>what about those sheep??
>>they are Australian, Sir!!
>>and that donkey, where is he from??
>>that's a mirror, sir!!
--------------------
that's an Arabic joke so I had to tweak it a little, sorry (-_-")
Source(s):
My pals ;)
Permalink | Report
Reply
June 05, 2009 05:57 PM
Excellent joke. A little dirty without being totally blue.
Laughed a lot the *first* time I heard it; otherwise, it would definitely be in the running (so to speak ;-)).
Report
Laughed a lot the *first* time I heard it; otherwise, it would definitely be in the running (so to speak ;-)).
June 05, 2009 06:15 PM
Birthday gift - Dad, I want to win a shotguns on my anniversary.
- What is it, boy! And that this is for a boy of five years?
- But I want a shotguns, Daddy!
- I will not give, no way!
- Oh, give!
- Not I!
- Give!
- Not I!
- Enough! - Shout the father - who is in charge here?
- You. But if I had a shotguns ...
Permalink | Report
Reply
June 05, 2009 06:46 PM
"Best Joke in the world!" (According to the research project of The University of Hertfordshire)
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
Source(s):
http://www.tallrite.com/LightRelief/worldsbestjokes.htm
Permalink | Report
Reply
June 05, 2009 07:00 PM
Some employees bought their boss a gift for his birthday. Before opening the gift, the boss shook it slightly, and noticed that it was wet in the corner. Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked, "A bottle of wine?"
His employees replied, "No."
Again, he touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid. "A bottle of scotch?"
"His employees replied again, "No."
Finally the boss asked, "I give up. What is it?"
His workers responded, "A puppy."
Permalink | Report
Reply
June 05, 2009 07:47 PM
Happy Birthday, rickg! These are two of my favorite jokes. Even though my family tells me they're NOT funny, can't help but laugh every time I hear them! Hope they make you smile!
"Three men, one German, one Japanese and a hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager, "he said, "I have a micro chip under my arm".
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a micro chip in my hand".
The hillbilly felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The hillbilly finally said.... "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax."
............................................................................................................................
These two strings walk up to a bar. The first string walks in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve strings in this bar. The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls up and orders. The bartender shouts, "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?"
The string says "Yeah."
The bartender says, "aren't you a string?"
The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot..."
Permalink | Report
Reply
June 05, 2009 08:15 PM
Both old favorites. Heard this one?:
A superhighway walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here." The highway responds, "Look here, I am a SUPERhighway. I can make a lot of trouble for you if you won't give me a drink." The bartender relents and hands him a drink.
A few minutes later, a 4-lane road walks into the bar. The bartender says, "We do NOT serve your kind here!" The road glares at him. "You'd better serve me. I may not be as big as that superhighway over there, but I can still make a lot of trouble in here." The bartender grumbles, but gives the road a drink.
Finally, a skinny little strip of concrete comes into the bar. He quietly orders a beer. The bartender stamps his foot. "THAT'S IT!," he yells. "I'm done. The superhighway and the 4-lane road may be able to threaten me into giving them drinks, but I will NOT serve you a beer. WE DO NOT SERVE YOUR KIND IN THIS BAR!"
The 4-lane road leans over to the bartender and says, whispering nervously, "I think you'd better serve him." "Why the hell should I!?," replies the bartender.
And the 4-lane road responds, looking around furtively, "He's a bit of a cycle path."
Report
A superhighway walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here." The highway responds, "Look here, I am a SUPERhighway. I can make a lot of trouble for you if you won't give me a drink." The bartender relents and hands him a drink.
A few minutes later, a 4-lane road walks into the bar. The bartender says, "We do NOT serve your kind here!" The road glares at him. "You'd better serve me. I may not be as big as that superhighway over there, but I can still make a lot of trouble in here." The bartender grumbles, but gives the road a drink.
Finally, a skinny little strip of concrete comes into the bar. He quietly orders a beer. The bartender stamps his foot. "THAT'S IT!," he yells. "I'm done. The superhighway and the 4-lane road may be able to threaten me into giving them drinks, but I will NOT serve you a beer. WE DO NOT SERVE YOUR KIND IN THIS BAR!"
The 4-lane road leans over to the bartender and says, whispering nervously, "I think you'd better serve him." "Why the hell should I!?," replies the bartender.
And the 4-lane road responds, looking around furtively, "He's a bit of a cycle path."
June 05, 2009 09:57 PM
Here is a Birthday Joke, A husband went to buy a birthday gift for his wife. Some friends had been invited over that night to celebrate her fortieth, and he wanted to get something special. At the store he spotted some cute little music boxes. One blue one was playing "Happy Birthday." Thinking they were all the same, he chose a red one and had it gift-wrapped.
Later, at dinner, he gave it to his wife and asked her to open it. When she lifted the lid, out came the tune to "The Old Gray Mare, She Ain't What She Used to Be!"
This one is kind of an absurd Joke ,
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
Sick Bar joke,
A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks down and says "You know that you have a steering wheel in your pants"
The pirate replies "Ay, it's drivin' me nuts"
Stupid Joke, I am a female, lol,
I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
Source(s):
One that I have heard from people :p
Permalink | Report
Reply
June 05, 2009 10:16 PM
Happy Birthday! This is one of my favorite jokes. I hope you haven't heard it! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
While he is waiting for his wife to give birth, a doctor comes in and
informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs.
The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son regardless and
raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the son is finally old enough for his first drink. Dad
takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son that he is proud of
him. Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With
all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender
shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of
alcohol.
Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts
into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink
again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink!" The bartender
still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out.
The bar goes wild.
The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The
patrons chant, "Take another drink!" The bartender ignores the
whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new
hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.
Swoooop! Two legs pop out.
The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully
thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the
left... then to the right... right through the front door, into
the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.
The bar falls silent.
The father moans in grief.
The bartender sighs and says, "That boy should have quit while he was a head".
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And for a little geekiness:
What kind of lingerie does a mermaid wear?
An algae-bra!
Source(s):
http://www.jokething.com/jokes/1/1028
Permalink | Report
Reply
June 05, 2009 10:54 PM
My kids will love the algae-bra joke--especially my son, who, for some utterly inexplicable reason, loves puns.
Report
June 05, 2009 11:02 PM
Oh, me too! I'm full of 'em.
Two fonts walk into a bar. The bartender shouts, "Get out! We don't want your type in here."
I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
Report
Two fonts walk into a bar. The bartender shouts, "Get out! We don't want your type in here."
I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
June 05, 2009 11:10 PM
This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things. He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."
Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
Source(s):
http://www.cleanjoke.com/
Permalink | Report
Reply
June 06, 2009 07:36 PM
Ooooh. You went for the dirty nun joke. Tsk-tsk. Very, very naughty of you.
And funny. :-)
Report
And funny. :-)
June 06, 2009 01:11 PM
'The Aristocrats' is a joke told to comedian to comedian. Each telling has the comedian's won personal touch. My friends and I find this telling the best. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tw10xa_xtNg
Source(s):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Aristocrats_(joke)
Permalink | Report
Reply
Answer this Question
Related Questions
Ask a Question
Buy Mahalo Dollars with Credit Card or PayPal
Top Members
Most Popular Tags
Categories
- Anonymous
-
Arts & Design
-
Beauty & Style
-
Books & Authors
-
Business
-
Cars & Transportation
-
Consumer Electronics
- Coupons Deals
-
Education
-
Entertainment
-
Environment
-
Fitness
-
Food & Drink
- From Email
- From Iphone
- From Twitter
-
Health
-
History
-
Hobbies
-
Home & Garden
-
How Tos
-
Humor
-
Jobs
-
Legal
-
Local
-
Love & Relationships
-
Mahalo Answers Community
-
Money
-
Music
-
News
-
NSFW
-
Parenting
-
Pets
-
Science & Mathematics
-
Services
-
Shopping
-
Social Science
-
Society & Culture
-
Sports
-
Technology & Internet
-
Travel
-
Video Games
Welcome New Members
- maui279, November 10, 2009 08:49 PM
- cwyatt, November 10, 2009 08:44 PM
- ronbo, November 10, 2009 08:37 PM
- tecnofaes, November 10, 2009 08:34 PM
- jelliott04, November 10, 2009 08:29 PM
Mahalo Dollars are the currency of Mahalo Answers.
Each Mahalo Dollar costs $1.
Once you earn more than 40 Mahalo Dollars, you can request to be paid via PayPal. Each Mahalo Dollar is currently worth $0.75 when paid out via PayPal. Learn More
Hope u had a blast!