Is there any way to get my boyfriend to realize how he has been treating me and get him to treat me better?
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M$13 Answers
If you make the effort to tell him and he doesn't try to change or admit that the way he treats you is not right there are larger issues you have to consider.
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M$
Hope everything works out for you. :)
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M$However, the most direct way to change someone is to let him know directly what your feelings are on the issue (be somewhat blunt), and tell him that he needs to change. Guys that care, and have been misinterpreting your level of comfort in the relationship, will usually respond positively. If he does not change his ways, leave the relationship.
You can use a form of relationship blackmail (threaten to leave), but that will likely not be necessary - if he doesn't change when you ask him to, he never will. In fact, it will cause him resentment, which may cause him to treat you worse. If you end up marrying him, he will likely take the opportunity to perpetrate his own relationship blackmail.
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M$Check out Barbara De Angelis and her books for more info on relationships. http://www.barbaradeangelis.com/
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M$
Of course, this will work both ways...
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M$
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/abusequiz.shtml
http://centerforsurvivors.net/site/?page_id=34
I sincerely hope for that your relationship is not even slightly abusive and that your boyfriend will be more considerate toward you after you make him aware of your feelings. However, if your relationship is even moderately abusive, get out now and contact your local domestic violence agency or call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
Sorry if I seem like an alarmist, I hope he's just leaving the seat up on the toilet or something that is easily remedied.
16 years of working with domestic violence and sexual assault survivors and, unfortunately, some who did not survive.
http://www.ndvh.org/
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M$You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
Thank you for your question.
You need to sit down with him and calmly explain what the problem is. You will also need to try and listen to what he says. Relationship counselling may also prove useful.
Hopefully, he will understand what you are saying and change his ways. You may also need to take his criticisms on board.
I hope that it works out for you both.
Regards
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M$You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
Some realize their poor health n these areas and change other s do not.
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M$The short answer to your question is to follow the link to cnvc and to find the trainer closest to you and call that person. These people are experts in solving situations like this.
It sounds like you really would like him to listen to you and to understand you? A realy really powerfull way is using 'Non-Violent Communication'. It offers you a possibility to help you to be heard without him reacting aggressive or defensive.
So, this is an example: instead of saying to him; "You're cold!" You could say to him, "I need more warmth, would you hold me in your arms?" Both statements are comming from the same place inside you; you wanting more connection and intimacy with him. My suggestion is that you use the last statement because thats the one that HE can hear without himself feeling attaced.
Another example; "I want you to stop hurting me and to be more grown-up and responsible!" This could be said in another way that could be easyer for him to hear; "When you call me 'bitch' I feel really sad because I'm longing for safety and respect in my relationship with you; How does that sound to you?"
One thing I can garantee you: The more you telll him what he's doing wrong and how bad he is, the more you will loose that heartful connection with him. And it is the heartful connection that will lead both of you to a place where your needs can be met.
I have been that boyfriend myself, so I have empathy for both him and you. I truly know how tough a situation you could be in ;-( I guess he might have some difficulty in talking about feelings. Maybe he's only angry or happy as the only feelings he can express? The good news is that things CAN change, so I hope for you that you'll use the link and find the help you need to get your needs met!
www.cnvc.org
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M$
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
