Is it wrong to harbor a strong personal dislike for one of your sister-in-laws?
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M$8 Answers
If they just rub you the wrong way, I agree with the folks who voted for polite.
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M$
(Sorry, this answer is going to be written as if this were non-hypothetical--just easier that way)
If you don't like her, I don't think you need to try to convince yourself to like her. You don't even to go out of your way to be nice to her. But as part of a family, I believe you do have the obligation to keep the peace. People should not have to choose sides, and everyone should be able to get together and enjoy the entire family, without worrying about the two of you. I'm from a family that someone felt entitled to rip in half. Don't be the person who rips your family apart.
Since you don't like her, I would recommend disclosing it to a couple of family members, in a nonjudgmental way, so they can help you keep the peace by running interference. Just something like "Susan and I just don't see eye-to-eye. I don't want to cause any drama, so can you please just help me out, if you see some tension rising, or if one of us just won't back off? Maybe you could just step in and lighten the mood, or ask me to help you with something in another room?"
If you can hash it out with her, great. If not, I think a truce is good enough. There are always people you don't like, and family is no exception. You didn't pick her. You have to be fair to everyone, but you do not have to like this woman.
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M$
So it's best just not to be close to that person. It's just a sister-in-law; she doesn't live with you or anything. There's no rule saying you have to have a close relationship; some blood siblings aren't even close. You don't have to be rude to her, but you're under no obligation to go out of your way to befriend you. Not everyone is meant to be friends, after all. In-laws or not.
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M$
Also, when necessary, you will still likely be able to get along with this person thanks to your maturity and professionalism.
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M$
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M$
I've always felt it was best to treat everybody with kindness, no matter how we feel about them personally. Some people are just bad-natured and difficult to get along with, and usually those people are the ones who need our love the most.
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M$
I personally saw my sister absolutely refuse to be nice to her sister-in-law (I'll call her Ann), the latter being one of the sweetest women I have ever known!!
My sister took it to the level of telling our mother and me that WE should have nothing to do with Ann. However, I'd been friends with Ann for many years, and I knew how good she treated my mother, so I refused to go along with that "dictate".
However, my mother felt allegiance to my sister and would cut short the phone calls she received from Ann. Then Mother would call me and tell me how it upset her to do that. I kept telling her that my sister had no right to tell us who to have in our lives, but Mother wouldn't listen.
Meanwhile, Ann could never figure out what she had done to warrant such treatment. She tried to be nice and friendly but had to give up when my sister insisted on being mean and nasty to her.
What is the point? The brothers involved (husbands of both women) had to suffer, too, since they couldn't be as close as they wanted to be because they had to stick up for their wives.
Such a waste of emotion, time, and lives!!
personal experience
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M$You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
