Is blood thicker than water? Should I try to rebuild a relationship that I did not damage?
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M$2 Answers
I don't hear in your story how much she wanted to change. Some people have to hit rock bottom to be motivated to change. It's hard to realize that you have no control over whether someone else changes. You can only change yourself.
If you DID want to rebuild the relationship... You're not going to get the same relationship as you had before. It has changed... forever. That could be a GOOD thing, though. It could be better.
If you did approach her and she was willing to try to work on it, I would suggest setting (and keeping... firmly) some clear boundaries.
Three paragraph therapy by...
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M$
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
The cousin asking whether it's worth it to repair the relationship?
My first goal would be to verify that the cousin is in recovery. Can't do ANY work if you're high/drunk. If she WERE in recovery, I would hope that she would be attending AA or NA... THEN I have something to work... If in a 12-step program, I'd help her get to the 4th step (Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.) and (going through the other steps) towards the 9th step (Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.), THEN the cousin could make amends and then, maybe, they could restore a relationship.
Again, the relationship is going to be very different...
This was very interesting. I wonder what your advice would be if it were the cousin asking the question.