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2 years, 7 months ago

If you are engaged, but someone else has been in love with you for years, would you want them to tell you?

This wouldn't be someone trying to break up your engagement. This person would genuinely care about you and want you to be happy.
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annelisle's Avatar
annelisle | 2 years, 7 months ago
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Yes, even if I don't have feelings for that person it would be OK with me if he is going to express what he felt. For me it is not important whether the person you love loves you back. What is important is that you love. And I think it would it would be best if he will tell me because if he will see my reaction to it then this could also help him move on. His feelings then is beyond my control. If he loves me in spite of my being engaged then it is up to him. I will just tell him honestly that I am thankful but I cannot reciprocate what he felt for me. If he truly loves me then I think he will respect my decision and move on with this life.

Moral lesson: I think it would be unfair for a person to withhold such information from him. For me, love is something that you give without wanting something in return. For true love is selfless and unconditional. If the person I love, loves me in return then I would be very happy, but if not it would be devastating but it's not the end of the world. I would be contented in the knowledge that I was able to tell him how I felt.

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fallen_angel21 | 2 years, 7 months ago
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I think I wouldn't want to hear that person confess to me anymore. I mean, what good will it bring up anyway? It will just make me feel guilty. Plus, if he had kept it for that long, I think he could manage to keep his feelings then. And also, if he doesn't really want to break the engagement or cause any harm, why bother tell me? If that person truly wants me to be happy, he would just keep his feelings, forever.

I may sound selfish but I think it's better this way.

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unwirklich | 2 years, 7 months ago
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If it would make them feel better getting the confession off their chest, sure. It would be an awkward moment to be sure and you'd want to as politely as possible make it clear that you love your soon to be husband/wife, but I think allowing friends to vent their feelings is always a good thing.

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dotchilatham | 2 years, 7 months ago
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Before I married, I had a boyfriend that was great! He was in the Navy and I was a Navy brat. We didn't have cell phones or email back then either and since he didn't have a land line, we always knew what places to find each other. It was a great relationship. If he had said he wanted to marry me then I would have said yes. Eventually, after months of dating he just "vanished". I didn't see him again. I didn't know what happened. And I just assumed he found someone else or moved or something.

About a month later, I found this other guy that was equally sweet and very polite and all that. Very kind. He was going to leave on a 6 month cruise and didn't want to lose me so he proposed. I said yes. We got married and we went for his cruise in the Navy.

While he was gone, the first boyfriend came back. He was transferred with little warning and didn't have a chance to let me know. He didn't have my # to call me and he didn't have my mail to write me a letter. He came back to find me. He would have asked me to marry him except he saw that I was already married. I cannot tell you how crushed I was. I wouldn't leave my husband for him, but if I had known how deeply he felt, I would have waited for him to come back if I knew he was leaving.

15 years later my marriage ended and I still think of the look on his face when he saw the ring on my finger. I remember the sad look in his eyes. I remember the way he hung his head and walked away after saying good-bye.

I think about him often. And I wish SO MUCH that he would have said something. I would have waited for him to come back if I only knew.
source(s):
Personal Experience.

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lisak52 | 2 years, 7 months ago Report

I am with you hun.

I had a similar experience with my Ex that told me he still loves me. But my marrage is at 10 yrs and going strong. I still have feelings for my ex as well. It sucks when things like that happen. Maybe you should look him up.

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dotchilatham | 2 years, 7 months ago Report

The problem is that I can't remember his last name anymore. I remember his first name though. But the last name I have completely forgot... and oh how I tried to remember!

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lisak52 | 2 years, 7 months ago
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Well,I am married,10 happy years. I just recently found out that 2 of my ex's are still in love with me from 13 and 15 yrs ago.One never found someone who he loved more than me the other moved on into a very unhappy relationship with 4 children.
I am happy to know that I made such an impression is someones life.I always felt like I did not matter here in this world.When someone tells you these feelings after all this time it makes you realize that you were special to someone.Special enough for them to feel no one else could live up to you!

If you are truly happy in your relationship it should not matter what this person tells you.If you have doubts or reservations then it may be something that you need to hear.

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tealmyster | 2 years, 7 months ago
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Whether I would chose the or not...I don't know but I would love to hear if someone does feel that way...Who knows....maybe I secretly do as well I'm just putting on a facade and saying otherwise. I think if you have strong feelings for someone...and they don't go away easily...say something...what's it going to hurt? If the other is a true friend it won't ruin the friendship...

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favored | 2 years, 7 months ago
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no , because that would be called playing with people feeling and you can really get hurt doing that.

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evilgeniusin | 2 years, 7 months ago
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If she can with hold that feeling for this long time ,it would b better for her and me to jus burry that feeling deep inside...rather than letting it out and makin both of us feel uncomfortable for the rest of our lives..

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waterfallbooks | 2 years, 7 months ago Report

To you and everyone else mentioning it affecting the friendship in a negative way or things being awkward - the people live on opposite sides of the country now, so any "in-person" awkwardness would only happen once or twice a year at most. Thanks for your opinions!

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jillbeth | 2 years, 7 months ago
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No, I wouldn't want to know. If they had unrequited love for me all those years, they should have spoken up sooner! To do so after I'm engaged would be selfish of them; to unburden themselves without regard to the feelings of others. Even though they may claim no intent of breaking up the engagement, why did they decide to tell me now? Surely that thought would have a place somewhere in their mind, that I would leave my fiance and run off with them. I would feel awkward and uncomfortable around them afterward.

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squirreliegirl | 2 years, 7 months ago
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I just wouldn't want to know all it would do is make me avoid them like the freaking plague. They can just tell my fiance.

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squirreliegirl | 2 years, 7 months ago Report

Because knowing my life it would be one of his friends anyways.

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waterfallbooks | 2 years, 7 months ago Report

I'm curious why you would think it better for the fiance to know?

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aparhar27 | 2 years, 7 months ago
3
Not really.
Because if you feel some way about them, that may mess up your relationship.
Also it will break their heart.
Yes it feels great when someone says they like you, but also if you dont like them back.. it HURTS

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mzserena | 2 years, 7 months ago
3
I don't see what good could come from the confession. Now if you were engaged, but in love with another person, then I'd have to say that you need to say something.

I actually had this happen to me. About a week before my wedding, one of my ex's came to me and told me that he made a mistake when he left me. I was quite shaken by it and almost canceled my wedding, but I know that in the end, he would have hurt me again. I wish he had kept his confession to himself.

Sure, it'll do the person good to get it off their chest, but that's what Unsent Letters are for. Why cause the person that you are supposed to love turmoil when they're to wed someone else?

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windowshopping | 2 years, 7 months ago Report

I love the Unsent Letters idea.
http://ourunsentletters.com/blog/
It's a great way to say what you need to say without encumbering someone else when you do it.

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windowshopping | 2 years, 7 months ago
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I wouldn't want to know. If that person held those feelings for all those years and only decided to tell me when I was already committed elsewhere, I wouldn't have a lot I could say to him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObowphKhKn0

I'm already taken...

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lostsnconfusion | 2 years, 7 months ago
3
I would rather them not tell me. Cuz even though they say they wish nothing but the best for you, they still have a part of them that wishes that they had you, that they had told you that they love you a long time ago. And sometimes, though you may think that that won't interfere with the engagement, it sometimes does. So it's best that some things are not told, especially in this situation. And I personally think that it would be a little weird if a friend that has liked/loved me for a long time would only tell me their feelings when you find out that you're planning to spend the rest of your life with someone that you love.

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romeo0830 | 2 years, 7 months ago
3
hey offcourse i would want them to tell me, you never know what could happen... you could care for that person more or they could open up your eyes to greener pastures and you might be happier with them.

mike !

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cheapgamer | 2 years, 7 months ago
8
I am going to go with nope. What good could come of it?

As the person soon to be married I would think to my self "Can I now be comfortable with this person as a friend? If I hang out with this person is it cheating or stringing them along?"

I think it would kill the friendship.

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